Holidays

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
464 posts
Helper bee

I  wouldn’t overthink it. Lots of couples do not spend the holidays together while dating. 

You could certainly ask him, but I wouldn’t take him saying “no” personally. It’s an opportunity for him to go home for a chunk of time and spend it with people who are very important to him. If they live in a different city he probably doesn’t see them as often as he sees you. 

Is the reason they haven’t met you yet because they live in a different city, or because he isn’t ready to introduce you?

My boyfriend’s mother, aunt, and brother all invited me to Christmas on their various celebrations (Dec 23, 24, and 25). I had to decline because I am flying home to spend time with my family. Similarly, my mum asked if my boyfriend would like to come home with me to spend Christmas with my family (they love him). He said no. 

If holiday time together with your boyfriend is so important, maybe arrange New Year’s together? How far away does his family live if he can go every weekend? 

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

Your relationship is serious enough that you want to ask your boyfriend to spend xmas with you instead of his family, yet despite the fact he spends weekends with his family you won’t go with him or meet them because you are ‘too shy?’

How long have you been with your boyfriend and what ages are you? Myself and my husband happily spent 9 Christmases apart including our first one married even though we both spent lots of time with each other’s family throughout the year.

Post # 6
Member
4330 posts
Honey bee

clnflwr :  Get over your shyness. It’s pretty mind-boggling that you expect him to stay at your house over the holidays but you’re too frightened to go to his house ever because you’d feel “weird”. I’ve got news for you, that’s not what’s weird here. 

As the mother of a young man I have to say you’re the kind of person I’ve warned him to stay far away from, the kind who expects the world to cater to her irrational fears and needs. Am I being harsh? Absolutely. Do I care? No. 

Post # 7
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm. Thanks for including that you are from a country in which staying with a boyfriend’s family would be out of place unless marriage is happening immediately after. That does make a difference regarding which advice you get. 

For New Years specifically, I’m not sure how it works in your country but in America, if someone is in college they often go home and spend the entire break back home, not go back and forth when we are talking a distance of like 3-4 hours. I was dating someone in college who had the exact same situation, his family lived 3-4 hours away, and I did not expect him to come back to hang out with me while he was spending time with his family and friends, whom he did not see much while in college. 

Personally I think you could ask him, but I wouldn’t. I don’t think it is something really that reasonable to ask. If you guys get married you have a lifetime of sharing holidays together, but if you are not even to the point where you are considering getting married and are comfortable staying the night with his family, then your relationship isn’t to the point where you can ask him to leave his family and friends that he doesn’t see very often, and drive 3-4 hours to spend time with your family for New Years. In fact, in some circumstances it could upset his family, especially if they feel that spending time with him is rare enough as it is. 

For the future, I think that since you have been with your boyfriend for 3 years it is time to meet his family, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay there overnight. Maybe you can get a hotel room while he stays with his family. 

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