(Closed) Holidays and DH's ridiculous family

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee

My FI’s family set up a holiday rotation. One year it’s at his parents, the next year it will be at our house, sibling’s, etc

I would suggest doing Thanksgiving at your family’s, then next year at his. Same with Christmas.

Just a thought.

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’m just so done with this whole situation, and now I have to call them and tell them that no, we will not be coming to their house for Christmas…

Why do you have to be the one to make this call? This needs to come from your husband, otherwise you will always be the evil spouse who keeps their son away from them. 

My $.02:  I only spend the holidays with people I care about. I do not spend time with in laws or people who don’t treat me well. Why not think about you two spending Christmas Eve together (alone), then you spending xmas day with your family and him spending it with his? It sounds like way too much drama to continue doing what you’re doing. You two are adults! They shouldn’t get to dictate who you choose to spend your time with! 

Post # 6
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

We do one Christmas with DH’s family, the next with mine.  No Thanksgiving to worry about here!  Ask them how they would feel if you spent all of the holidays with your family – try and put the boot on the other foot to see if they see your point of view.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
7644 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tigerlilybride:  Sorry, that’s not good enough. He MUST be the one to make the call. He can read it off cue cards if he must. He can even send a text.

But it is totally unacceptable for him to wimp out and expect YOU to be the one to talk to HIS mother.

Tell him you’re not telling them. So either he does the call, or they find out when you don’t arrive at their house on the 25th.

Post # 8
Member
47200 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tigerlilybride:  OFGS- you are adults. Write out a script on an index card, practice saying what you want to say then call her. If she spazzes out on you, just “I’m sorry you feel that alternating Christmases with DH’s family and mine is not fair but,…  then repeat the script. Repeat as necessary. Do not deviate from the script. Don’t get involved in defending your decision or compromising.

Post # 9
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My FI’s family is EXACTLY like this. To the point where my SIL doesn’t even want to come home, but she is too scared to not come home. It’s ridiculous. 

A couple years ago, when Fiance and I moved in together, we put our foot down. We rehearsed an answer and any time someone talked about the holidays we would say the same thing. That this “insert time here” would be the time we would come over for the holidays and that is it. They were pissed the first year, and honestly we still hear about it sometimes, but they have gotten a lot better since they realized we are a united front that won’t put up with their crap!

Post # 10
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Tigerlilybride:  Do what you want. Seriously. This is what I’ve learned dealing with Christmas and trying to split it up. They may not like it but – too bad. If you give in to their demands, they’ll never stop. 

My Mother-In-Law can’t seem to understand either why I would possibly want Darling Husband and I to spend half of Christmas with my family. It’s so absurd. Before we got married we discussed it and she LOST HER SHIT saying how there’s no way she will not be spending all of Christmas with her son. Well, guess what? We do what we want and she’s started to bitch less about it. 

Post # 11
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Your Darling Husband needs to stick up for you and seeing your family, because he loves you and recognizes that you want to see your family for the holidays too. His family is being ridiculous. Tell them outright you’re not coming. If they get weird/aggressive about it, ignore them. What isn’t fair is having large portions of your holiday spent in the car in an effort to appease his family constantly.

Post # 12
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I wish I had advice for you but honestly I could’ve wrote this post myself. I am in your same position and it makes the holidays hell for me. I know holidays are about spending time with family, but when you have to go a thousand places you don’t enjoy it anymore. Just wanted you to know your not alone.

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Look, you can do whatever you’re going to do. You don’t have to justify your actions to a bunch of internet strangers. But your post highlighted some ridiculous things that both you and your husband put up with from his family. If you continue to bow down to their demands, this will not change. If your husband continues to be afraid of his mom and not stand up for you, this will not change. So if you both refuse to take action, I don’t really think you can complain about it…

 

Post # 15
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We do Christmas eve and Christmas morning at my in laws. Christmas day dinner at my parents. Boxing Day at my in laws but last year they invited my parents to come for Boxing Day so it was with both. I can’t wait till we have our house so we can host. 

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