- 2 years ago
Not looking for advice… just needing to vent. I’m so frustrated, I’m not sure whether I will cry or go crazy and just laugh hysterically first.
Starting this year, Darling Husband and I are doing every-other-year for our families for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, this year, we have Thanksgiving with his family and then Christmas with mine. Wonderful. My mom and dad (divorced) each live an hour from Darling Husband and me, but my in-laws live 3.5 hours away (and of course my parents live north of us while my in-laws live south). In the past several years, it’s just been way too much to try to see and coordinate both families (especially since I need to arrange for both my mom and dad) for each holiday which is why we have instated this new arrangement.
My Mother-In-Law is shocked and appalled at the thought of us not all being together for a holiday. We have explained why we chose this arrangement (hey! I want to see my family too!) and even told her that we can see them the weekend following a holiday, even if it is not “THEIR” holiday, but for the day of, not to expect us. (We told my family something similar, however, they are much more easy-going about rearranging holiday plans or understanding when all the family can’t be together one year.)
We have been getting guilt trip after guilt trip about all of this.
A couple of weeks ago, Mother-In-Law texts us to let us know that Christmas is going to be at their house this year. We tell her great, but gently remind her that we will be spending Christmas with my family this year.
Cue another guilt trip.
We have been asking Mother-In-Law for the past several weeks what the Thanksgiving plans are. (This is not unusual since Mother-In-Law plans every holiday about 4 months in advance and this was getting to be late for her.) She kept saying she didn’t know or would make snarky comments about “not knowing when HER holidays were” or about “needing to make special arrangements just to see her son.”
Finally, today, after Darling Husband asked her again if there were any Thanksgiving plans, she said, “yes!” We were relieved to finally hear something… until she actually told us the plans.
She wants us to come in on Wednesday and celebrate Thanksgiving with the extended family. She then wants us to stay until Sunday! She wants to celebrate “real Thanksgiving” with us on Thanksgiving Day (Thursday) and then wants us to be around when SIL and her family show up the next Sunday to then celebrate with them too. (SIL and her family are going to see her husband’s family out of state but said they would stop by on their way home from the airport.)
Is it wrong of me to be COMPLETELY annoyed by this? I love DH’s family, I really do, but Thanksgiving is 1 day and we agreed to 1 day with them, not 5. I wouldn’t even mind if we stayed both Wednesday and Thursday… even Friday! But 1.) It would be nice to have a weekend where Darling Husband and I can do what we want and 2.) It would be nice to see my family that following weekend since we won’t be able to see them for Thanksgiving. (Plus I know that Mother-In-Law would never let it fly for us not to see HER the following weekend).
It all just seems so greedy and rubs me the wrong way.