(Closed) Holidays without my mom

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@autumnlynnhill:  I haven’t experienced such a great loss like you have.  I can only imagine how emotionally challenging it is.  I don’t have any advice, just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and going to pray for your strength during the holidays.  

Post # 5
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I lost my dad 4 years ago as well. <3

The holidays are really hard for me, since he was at his sickest at the holidays the year he passed away, so my last memories of him are in pain around this time of year. 

I hate to say this, but the only way I have been able to cope is to try not to think about it… My Fiance has a big crazy family that I just kind of get lost in to distract myself. Times with my family are always pretty subdued and sad, and I just try to focus on how much I love my Fiance. 

I’m sorry this doesn’t help you at all, just wanted to let you know that I somewhat understand what you’re going through. Thinking happy thoughts for you. <3

Post # 7
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@autumnlynnhill:  oh wow, we too had to take my dad into the hospital on Christmas day and he was there for the month after.

Baking sounds like a great idea! Maybe watch a chick flick for now? That usually distracts me pretty well. 

Post # 8
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is the first Christmas without my mom.  She died last spring and she went slowly and painfully.  We hadn’t gotten along for a few years and she became hateful at times during her illness, then when she would try to reconcile, I didn’t want to in fear of being hurt again.  I’m still not at a good place in dealing with the way things ended between us. 

But when I was little, she was my absolute hero and holidays were always so, so special.  So I try and focus on that.  I’m trying to celebrate the bond we had before things got so very complicated and celebrate those memories.  I cry a lot and, especially now that I’m pregnant with my first child, I want to really start creating those same traditions that will, hopefully, get me through this Christmas.

Post # 9
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I lost my dad 19 years ago.  The first seven or so years were really rough (I was ten when he died), I specially because it felt like the family was trying to compensate for him being gone without actually mentioning it.  As I got older, it slowly became second nature with him being gone now.  Sometimes it really sucks that’s he’s gone, but holidays got A LOT better.

All I can say is that it does eventually get easier.  But ignoring it is not the way to do it.  Talk about it!  It helps make it easier.

Post # 11
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

OP my mom died 12 days before yours did, so I can relate. After more than a decade of pain and illness, it was a bittersweet blessing. The first year was hardest until now. It’s hard to be happy about my marriage when mom will never meet him. Also, he’s estranged from his family, and the holidays don’t mean anything to him. But he’s been a source of strength for me. I’m getting through it by falling back on my old traditions. Decorating the house, buyinggifts for someone off the angel tree, making fudge and candy. And trying to find new traditions for us to celebrate.

Post # 13
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m the opposite, seeing her decorations makes me feel better. I can remember all the times we unpacked everything and made the house look so festive. If we have kids, I want them to remember the good of the holidays.

Post # 14
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

My mom passed almost 18 years ago next summer.   When she died I was so lucky to have stopped being such a spoile rotten bi-otch and really got to have her as a friend.  I miss her terribly.  I missed her at my dress shopping(my dad went with me :D), I missed introducing her to Darling Husband, she missed my wedding .. she missed so much.  I actually stepped into her role in the family, that hasn’t been easy either.  I just hung the last one of the ornaments from the ones I grew up with, the rest have all been broken.  It’s hard but I know she’s here watching EVERYTHING … i KNOW that.  I can’t imagine trying to get thru that loss without massive faith.

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