(Closed) Holy Crap-What do I do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You tell him what you wrote here: “my IUD fell out sometime between Feb. and now and I’m once again-pregnant.”

I don’t know your current age/how far you are from his “goal” of 30, but most people will say that there’s never a “right” time to try to have children. If he pushes you to have another abortion, I would seriously think about what your future with him would be. A lot of children are “happy surprises,” and I think how he handles this surprise will say a lot about the sort of man he is. You need to have this discussion with *him* asap!

Post # 4
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this…honestly, though, if you are being pressured into going against your morals, how could you stay with that someone? Don’t be afraid to tell him. If it helps, talk to some people you really trust to help give you some support that you need first

Post # 6
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Im so sorry.  This is such a personal decision, and honestly, such a difficult situation.  It seems right now you are making a ‘decision’ or thinking about making a decision based upon what you *think* his reaction will be…based upon something he said in conversation.  It is one thing to plan out your future the way you hope it will work out, but it is another to make plans based upon how it actually works out.  What I mean is that, you are a lot further along in your relationship – getting married, in love, etc than you were before.  Although his goals are to ‘wait’ to have children until a certain age, right now, that situation has changed!!  He  may very well be supportive – as I would hope for you – and embrace the fact that although his ideal timeline did not work, he is still having a baby with the love of his life – his wife 🙂

Obviously, the longer you wait to share this news, the less time you two have to communicate and make decisions!! 

Good luck 🙂

Post # 7
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Luckygal5571:  I”m sorry you are having such a tough time, but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not just your problem to deal with and it’s your body. Babies don’t always come along just when we want them to. That’s just not how life works. 

You could end ups eriously resenting your future husband and yourself for having yet another abortion when you are seriously conflicted about it.

Babies are not life destroyers. Please don’t have another abortion.

Post # 9
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow. I really dont know what to say.

If I were you, I would fess up and see his reaction. Obviously, you two are in a much better place than you were 4 years ago. And while it may be a totally unplanned surprise, it isn’t something you two should be running away from now that you are older and committed. If he had the same reaction as he did in the past, I think it would be a sign (at least for me, I really dont know what to tell you).

Post # 10
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree, babies always don’t come when you want. My son is an oops and he is a good oops. I would tell your future Darling Husband what you wrote here.  Also please do not feel pressured into something you don’t want to do, your body everytime you do something like that will make it harder for when you are “ready” to have children.  If you future Darling Husband can’t or won’t handle being a father now, then I would seriously rethink about your relationship with him.

Post # 11
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

i agree with the pp…. how he handles this will say a lot about how he will handle your future together. I would tell him the truth and then go from there.  If you need support you can always come to the boards for advice.

Post # 12
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Have you talked to a doctor?  Unless the IUD fell all the way out (which hopefully you’d have noticed before having sex and getting pregnant) it is EXTREMELY dangerous to get pregnant.  I think you need to make sure that you’d even be able to carry the baby to term before making any decisions on if that’s what you and your husband want to do. 

Post # 13
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am super pro-choice.  You need to do what YOU feel is right.  If that is to keep the baby, keep it.  No one (not even the father) should be pressuring you to go any way.  That said, early terminations have the same risk as any surgery.  It is not without risk, nor is it a life-threatening procedure. Having more than one termination does not put you at increased risk of infertility.

YOU need to make the choice.

For your past termination, I recommend the following website.  NO ONE talks about pro-life or pro-choice.  It’s not a discussion forum that is highly moderated, but simply meant to heal. I hope you make the right choice for you.


You need to tell your SO exactly what you said here and how you feel. His opinion matters, but it is YOUR body.

You cannot “force him” into being a father.  It has already been conceived.  Thus, he is “forcing you” to abort by guilting you.  This is your decision and he knows it. He is putting the blame on you by twisting that fact into making you the sole decision maker (trying to escape his own responsibility).  You both made that fetus, you both have a say. But the FINAL say, is yours.

Post # 14
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, I’m so sorry you have to go through this, lots of hugs to you.

I don’t think it would be fair for him to just proclaim that you are in no place to have a baby and expect you to have another abortion – but maybe he won’t even react that way? You should definitely tell him sooner rather than later. 

How was he after the abortion? Does he know you felt pressured? I know how hard it is to have an abortion and absolutely understand that it’s not an option for you. Make him understand that it takes two to tango, and he needs to respect you and his responsiblities as your (sexual) partner. I hope things work out for you! Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 15
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow thats rough. . . How long ago was your abortion? I can tell from your writing this alone that you sound ready. You are getting married, and you sound happy in your relationship, and I think you need to tell him straight forward that you’re pregnant and you are keeping the baby. Don’t even make abortion an option to him this time. You have to be firm with this and let him know exactly how you feel. If he resists or opposes in any way, then I think you really need to think long and hard about the man that you are marrying.

P.S – I love your comment – “my body isn’t just a damn abortion factory” made me lol.

And as the other poster mentioned – there is no perfect time to have a baby. Part of marriage and life is starting a family and handling unexpected situations. . . you will do just fine with this. Also – Yayy for only being 4 months pregnant for your wedding! 4 is much more convenient than 6 or 8! (I am 6 months out praying that I do not get pregnant – just for the reason of fitting in to my wedding gown! ha!)

Post # 16
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You’ll never know his reaction until you tell him. You can acknowledge that it’s a surprise to you too, and you would have rather waited, but here you both are. Talk rationally together. I think the most important thing is that you don’t feel forced – either to have an abortion or to have the baby.

The topic ‘Holy Crap-What do I do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors