(Closed) Holy Freakin' Crap!!! {Kinda long}

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2264 posts
Buzzing bee

SkinnyLatte17:  Dang. That’s pretty messed up for your grandmother to behave this way. So sorry you have that added on to the stress of planning your wedding. It will be better to have people there who want to celebrate with you and spend the day with you than someone who obviously has some issues going on. ::BIG HUGS::

Post # 3
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

OP, you seem to be handling this fairly well, and good for you, b/c who needs ridiculousness at your wedding? Ugh!

Keep us posted on what you decide and good luck!

Post # 5
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This dosn’t sound like a problem of attitude and bad behavior but one of loss of mental cognition.  If your grandmother has been more or less normal up until now, my guess would be she’s dealing with some sort of loss of memory or cabilbility.

Post # 7
326 posts
Helper bee

SkinnyLatte17: Since it sounds like you are getting most of this secondhand from your Mom, I’m wondering if you have even talked to your Grandmother yet about coming to your wedding? It also sounds like you only have one side of the story.

If she doesn’t want to come, than she can live with that. However, I wouldn’t just assume based on what your disgruntled mother told you that Grandma isn’t coming. 

Post # 8
2533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

SkinnyLatte17:  I second the PP that said you really need to speak with your grandma first hand, not take your moms word on what she said esp when they are not on happy terms with each other. Are you close to your grandma at all? I know if my mom said my grandma didnt want to come I’d have a hard time not contacting her myself to find out what is going on… 

My grandmother is also suffering from some long term medication side effects, from bi-polar meds, and has been acting very out of character lately. It’s difficult to deal with but you at least need to try to find out if she really meant what she said or was just trying to tick off your mom…. 

Post # 9
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

SkinnyLatte17: Phew girl. That is some family drama (everyone’s got it, lets face it). First of all, I’m sorry this is happening to you, I’m sure this throws quite a wrench into plans.

As PoliticallyIncorrect: said, this is coming second hand. If I were you, I’d probably talk to my grandmother myself and ask her if she wants to come to the wedding (without mentioning what your mom said). Your mom could be saying that because she is fighting with them (not you).

In the end, it’s your wedding (not your mom’s) so if you want those family members at the wedding, make sure they will all play nice and invite them. If you want to avoid drama, elope and call it a day!

Post # 12
326 posts
Helper bee

SkinnyLatte17:  Im not saying your Grandma didn’t say it. People say things in the heat of the moment to get under the other person’s skin. Who knows what prompted her to say it.

Considering you would be a neutral third party, I was just suggesting that you would probably be able to have a much more civil and levelheaded conversation with your Grandmother to determine what her intentions truly are in regards to your wedding.

If you don’t want her to come, than that’s an entirely different situation altogether.

Post # 13
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I didn’t read all the comments so maybe this was mentioned already… but instead of just assuming your grandma isn’t coming bc that’s what your mom said, why don’t you talk to your grandma and see for yourself?  Maybe she said soemthing in the heat of the moment to your mom, and seeing as your mom is obviously emotionally invested in this argument, she might not be relaying info to you accurately or clearly?

Post # 14
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Based on my own experience, it sounds like your grandmother is showing signs of dementia.  You mentioned the prednisone, but you might want to look into dementia as well.  My grandfather did similar things during his last 10 or so years.  He really couldn’t live on his own, so he agreed to move in with my parents.  They spent nearly $100,000 adding an addition to their house with an apartment for him, he had agreed to pay them back, then he moves in and says he never agreed to pay them anything – they invited him to live there and he owes them nothing.  It progressed from there.  He started to think everyone was out to get him and stealing his money. He would refuse to buy food because the supermarkets were charging too much and cheating him.  He would spend an hour at the bank yelling at the teller that the bank had stolen money from him.  He started to think my mom wasn’t his daughter, but a maid/nurse that was supposed to work for him.  He sent tons of money down to my aunt, but refused to give my parents a dime for food, utilities, etc. Every time my mom tried to take him to the doctor, he would refuse until she literally forced him into the car.

My best advice is to get your grandmother to the doctor ASAP! You do not want this to get out of hand. There are treatments (both medication and occupational therapy) than can help to slow the dementia and remedy the effects of the prednisone.  You do not want it to get to the point where you can’t get your grandmother the help she needs because she’s too far gone.  There’s a good chance she has no idea what she even meant when she said she didn’t want to come to your wedding. Try to gather your mom and her siblings together to come up with a plan so they’re all on the same page.

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