Post # 1
Okay Bees the most awkward thing happened to me today…..
So I have this guy friend, he dated my good friend and bridesmaid for several years a couple of years ago. We would hang out from time to time with groups of people. We were neighbors so we would see each other in passing. About 6 months ago my fiance and I relocated. I kept in touch with this guy friend via text occassionally. Last text i got from him was 2 months ago when he went to this flower show in another country, we both are obsessed with orchids so 99% of all communication we have ever had has been about orchids. My fiance knows this guy, knows we have the common interest in orchids.
Yesterday I come home and there is a box on my door step. I open it and it is this rare type of orchid primarily found in Asia. I immediately knew it was from my friend because my fiance would not have sent such a gift. I texted my friend thanks for being so thoughtful. End of story, he replied saying he is glad i liked it, fiance saw it didn’t think twice about it.
So today…..My friend sends me this text that says: “I just want to know if you are serious about getting married. I always thought that you would be the perfect girl for me and I am putting it out there that I have had feelings for you for a long time. If you want to try to make this work, let me know, I will fly you anywhere you want to go. If you feel like leaving your fiance let me know and I can help pay for whatever moving/travel expenses you have. I hope this message doesn’t scare you I just want you to know how I feel.” (Sidenote: he is incredibly wealthy so if I said “hey I want to move away from my fiance, it could literally happen tomorrow) (second sidenote: it will not happen)
I am speechless! WTF! This friend knows my fiance, he is invited to my wedding. I have NO interest in him whatsoever, I actually have always thought he was gay! Do I uninvite him to the wedding? Do I tell my fiance? Sorry for the vent!Has anyone ever done something similar to you when you were about to get married? Please share!
Post # 3
Ya awkward. I have not advice really. However, you haven’t really invited anyone to the wedding I’m assuming since it’s a ways away. So you don’t have to invite him if it’s going to be uncomfortable.
Post # 4
LOL! I have not had it happen to me recently but I once had a guy I met at party, talked to for a few hours (who lived in TX), send me an email with a ticket purchased back to TX because he was sure I was “the one.” At the time, I thought it was romantic, even though I was not interested in the slightest – gotta give a guy credit for trying!
I guess that is kind of how I feel with this guy. You gotta give him credit for trying and expressing his undying love. Unfortunately, I don’t think your Fiance will probably see it this way which made lead to an univitation to the wedding.
Post # 5
Wow, that is….. flattering? I think you just text back “yes, definately getting married” and leave it at that. As long as he does not pursue this I think I would let it go. It is odd, but I’m sure he felt he needed to give it a shot- if not he might have always regretted it. It is actually kind of cool. Cool AND creepy. Ha.
Post # 6
Ummmm so awkward!! I would tell your Fiance, he is your best friend! I wouldn’t invite this guy to the wedding… What he did was super disrespectful to your Fiance.
Post # 7
The best thing you can do is put yourself in your fiance’s shoes. How would you feel if he had a female friend who suddenly started sending him gifts, declaring her feelings for him and offering to buy his love? How would you like him to react and deal with it? Would you prefer he didn’t say anything or that he told you? Would you prefer she didn’t come to the wedding or would you not care if you knew that the feelings were not reciprocated?
Obviously you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and you’re trying to do what’s best for you and your fiance, so a good way to decide what would be best is to put yourself in your fiance’s shoes and think how you would like him to handle it and then go from there 🙂
Good luck x
Post # 8
Uh, wow. I would tell your Fiance and text/call your friend back and set him straight that you are sure about getting married and do not feel the same way about him. I don’t think he should be at your wedding after this.
Post # 9
Oh my! Like PPs said, flattering/creepy/gutsy, but in the end, wrong. I’d text him back a short message and definitely tell your Fiance. I’d also not send an invite, unless your FH is ok with it. Maybe your friend will respect your decision and all of you guys will just move past it and he can come to the wedding, but if your Fiance isn’t cool with it, I think it’d be time to drop this friend.
Props to him for not living with regrets, but it’s only on him if this makes you/FI uncomfortable enough to end the friendship.
Post # 10
Well, at least he’s finally being honest instead of pretending that he only has an interest in botany! And in a very awkward way he’s making himself vulnerable to you. If I were you, yes, I would tell my Fiance and would tell this guy that I’m flattered (or however you want to phrase it) but that I’m very much in love with my Fiance and very serious about getting married.
Post # 11
Holy awkward batman!
Well it is nice of him to be honest with you and all, but perhaps a tad too late 😉
Thanks but no thanks type of situation!
Post # 12
Oh no, that is so awkward!! WOW I feel for you since I also have a close guy friend. I would absolutely kick his butt if he did that to me though. What a bad position to put you in so late in the game. It’s good that he’s giving you his feelings, but too late.
Post # 13
I think the best thing you can do at this point is to kindly but firmly take control of the situation in such a way as to clearly articulate your position, while giving your orchid-loving friend an opportunity to quickly and quietly distance himself from his surprising declarations and return to his former role of casual friend.
I would indeed share this with your Fiance and make certain that he knows how incredibly by surprise these shocking declarations have taken you. I would then work with your Fiance to craft an appropriate response and would return Mr. Orchid-buyer’s communication in the same manner in which you received it, via text. (Calling him would just be very awkward and would encourage unnecessary communication.)
One potential response would be something such as, “Well, I must say, your comments definitely took me by surprise! I do certainly appreciate your taking such a big risk to share your feelings with me. Thank you for your honesty. However, I have to be just as honest with you and tell you that, as you probably already suspected, although I care about you as a friend, I just do not feel the same way about you as you apparently have been feeling about me. I am totally in love with (FI’s name), and I am so excited to be marrying him! Although Fiance and I would like to be able to continue our friendship with you, we certainly do not want to be the cause of any hurt in your life. We have been looking forward to having you there to celebrate with us at our wedding. However, given the circumstances, we would totally understand if you would prefer not to attend.”
This does not technically “uninvite” him, but it puts the onus on him to decide if he is able to attend your wedding as a someone who has your and your FI’s best interests at heart and can truly be happy about and supportive of your marriage. If he does not think that he can get past his romantic feelings for you, he really should accept this opportunity to bow out gracefully.
Post # 14
Aren’t you glad that this exchange was by text message not face to face?
That would be the MOST awkward moment!
Post # 15
@Brielle: Great job! That’s a very gracious response
Post # 16
@Brielle: Totally agree, most gracious response ever, I am totally copying these words in my response back.