Post # 1
I have reserved a very small coastal venue for my wedding. There can only be 50 people max at the wedding reception, and honestly I don’t even want to be responsible for paying for that many. So, my mom wrote as her FB status that she was talking to me about wedding stuff. One of her friends whom I haven’t seen in at least ten years (and only knew for about a year before then) wrote: “______and I want an invitation to Pinksapphire’s shower and wedding when it comes!” Wow. Two people is A LOT when it comes to a 50 person limit. Especially with FI’s big ol’ family.
Then, I know that my mom’s other friend is going to see that status and also request an invitation, or be very upset if she doesn’t get one. So far, my mom wants me to invite her three close friends and their families (which are all families of 5) That is 15 people!
I’ve got to figure something out here, before things get out of control. I actually don’t mind if these people come to the ceremony (they’ll just have to stand on the beach, which is NBD). I just cannot accomodate them for the reception dinner. I’m already having anxiety attacks over how I”m going to afford our basic 50 people!
I’d hate to invite people to my Destination Wedding and NOT to the reception, I feel that is so rude! Ughh. I guess I’m just venting here…
Post # 3
Tell your mother to relay the message that it’s a very small wedding with just family and the bride and groom’s close friends (i.e. not your mother’s), and unfortunately you can’t accommodate them.
Post # 4
I agree! The best advice my mother gave me when I first got engaged was, “Now is the time you are going to have to grow a backbone and tell people no…even me.” It is the truth though! You don’t want to hurt anyones feelings, but at the same time, it is YOUR day. Stick to your guns. Your mom may be upset at first but she is your mom, she won’t stay mad forever 🙂
Post # 5
Honestly, if I were you I’d write something on Facebook (under their comment) like: “Thank you so much for the well wishes! We are still working out the guest list, but it looks like it will be a very small wedding. We’ll all have to get together soon though!”
Maybe that’s too forward for you, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with throwing it out there now that you probably won’t be able to invite everyone. And hopefully other people on your mom’s friends list will see this and get the hint.
Also, I’d split up the guest list with your families. 16 guests from your mom and dad, 16 guests from your in-laws, and 18 guests from you + fi.
Post # 6
Well, with just our parents, siblings, closest aunts and uncles, and closest cousins we’re right under our 50 limit. I haven’t said anything to my mom’s friend yet. But my mom said, “That’s up to my tightwad daughter…” and the friend responded, “Lol, well even if we just get an invite to the shower we’ll be happy.” I really don’t like the idea of inviting people to my shower, even at their request, and not the wedding. Idk. I might just end up inviting them to the shower then, since they said they’d want that (obviously don’t think it’s rude).
I’m still really upset at my mom calling me a tightwad, too. It’s not like she’s contributing in any way, shape, nor form. I am really struggling financially to pull this off. FFIL and Future Mother-In-Law were supposed to help but they’ve turned my wedding into a vacay oppurtunity and are spending thousands on a lavish beach house. So, I’m not gonna have any help with any of this.
Post # 7
Yeah our parents didn’t contribute and both tried to add people to the guest list. I said, ok mom, your going to have to just tell them it’s a small wedding. I love you, but I don’t even have enough invites to send, muchless the money to feed them. And even if your mom is helping to pay, I think she should just let em know it’s a small wedding with just family. They will undertstand. I had to tell a friend of mine who asked. I think people just passingly ask, not thinking about it, and the we proceed to freak out when they kinda just said it, obviously not thinking…. kinda like they think they are being nice by asking, but really they make us stress!! 😀
Post # 8
I have similar comments from people ie on FB but one was actually “Am I invited? I am a lot of fun at weddings” on a comment I made about wedding planning from a guy I went to HS with that was 1 or 2 years younger than me and have not seen in 10 years Wha??
Post # 9
@Pinksapphire: wow that whole convo between your mom and her friend place publicly on fb? i would be upset too. i agree with PPs (the ones i read anyway), that you just have to be firm. you have a limit. show your mom the list and how u are already at your max and ask her how she would like to magically fit them in!
ps. i am still laughing at the title of your thread!
Post # 10
Tell your mom that calling you names on Facebook is not the way to get you to invite 15 people when she is not contributing financially. Wow, did that rub me the wrong way.
Post # 11
Wow…I’d probably be pretty upset if my mom called me a tightwad. Then again, I don’t know your mom, so that might just be her personality.
In this case, I’d probably let my mom do the dirty work of letting people down. Even if she tried to shift it on me. Even if she’s not financially contributing, the least she can do is make your life easier when it comes to this mumbo jumbo.
And I also love your title for this post 🙂
Post # 12
@LMD84: Agreed, that conversation would really bother me!
I agree with PPs, tell your mother that you just can’t have that many people at your wedding and stick to it. It’s your wedding, not hers.