(Closed) Holy people inviting themselves to my wedding batman!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Tell your mother to relay the message that it’s a very small wedding with just family and the bride and groom’s close friends (i.e. not your mother’s), and unfortunately you can’t accommodate them.

Post # 4
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree!  The best advice my mother gave me when I first got engaged was, “Now is the time you are going to have to grow a backbone and tell people no…even me.”  It is the truth though!  You don’t want to hurt anyones feelings, but at the same time, it is YOUR day.  Stick to your guns.  Your mom may be upset at first but she is your mom, she won’t stay mad forever 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly, if I were you I’d write something on Facebook (under their comment) like: “Thank you so much for the well wishes! We are still working out the guest list, but it looks like it will be a very small wedding. We’ll all have to get together soon though!”

Maybe that’s too forward for you, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with throwing it out there now that you probably won’t be able to invite everyone. And hopefully other people on your mom’s friends list will see this and get the hint.

Also, I’d split up the guest list with your families. 16 guests from your mom and dad, 16 guests from your in-laws, and 18 guests from you + fi.

Post # 7
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah our parents didn’t contribute and both tried to add people to the guest list. I said, ok mom, your going to have to just tell them it’s a small wedding. I love you, but I don’t even have enough invites to send, muchless the money to feed them. And even if your mom is helping to pay, I think she should just let em know it’s a small wedding with just family. They will undertstand. I had to tell a friend of mine who asked. I think people just passingly ask, not thinking about it, and the we proceed to freak out when they kinda just said it, obviously not thinking…. kinda like they think they are being nice by asking, but really they make us stress!! 😀

Post # 8
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have similar comments from people ie on FB  but one was actually “Am I invited? I am a lot of fun at weddings”  on a comment I made about wedding planning from a guy I went to HS with that was 1 or 2 years younger than me and have not seen in 10 years  Wha??

Post # 9
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Pinksapphire: wow that whole convo between your mom and her friend place publicly on fb? i would be upset too.  i agree with PPs (the ones i read anyway), that you just have to be firm. you have a limit. show your mom the list and how u are already at your max and ask her how she would like to magically fit them in!

 

ps. i am still laughing at the title of your thread!

Post # 10
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Pinksapphire:

Tell your mom that calling you names on Facebook is not the way to get you to invite 15 people when she is not contributing financially. Wow, did that rub me the wrong way.

Post # 11
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow…I’d probably be pretty upset if my mom called me a tightwad. Then again, I don’t know your mom, so that might just be her personality.

In this case, I’d probably let my mom do the dirty work of letting people down. Even if she tried to shift it on me. Even if she’s not financially contributing, the least she can do is make your life easier when it comes to this mumbo jumbo.

And I also love your title for this post 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@LMD84: Agreed, that conversation would really bother me!

I agree with PPs, tell your mother that you just can’t have that many people at your wedding and stick to it. It’s your wedding, not hers.

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