(Closed) Fiance wants more say in home decorating than I anticipated?

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s as much his home as it is yours and his style and tastes should get just as much priority as yours.

I think you definitely need to compromise a lot more than you are.

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My husband and I also have different design taste. He actually gives me permission to take his stuff down (I moved into his house so it was already “decorated” by him), but I feel bad doing that b/c it’s his house too. I just leave the stuff that I dislike the least b/c like I said, it’s his place too and I want him to be comfortable in it.

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that you just need to continue compromising. It is his home just as much as it is yours, and part of being in a relationship is making sure that both partners are comfortable, and feel free to express themselves. 

Me and Darling Husband make our decorating decisions together for the most part, we discuss and negotiate on all the bigger purchases, and because I do more of the decor shopping, he has power to veto any items I might pick up that he doesn’t like. 

The result is that our home is truly “ours” and it is a reflection of both of us. You just need to figure out how to reach that balance for yourselves!

Post # 6
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think the secret is that you have to convince him that he likes your style more! Don’t dislike thinks that he likes, just use your powers of persuasion to get him to like your decorating ideas more. And when he does like something, you make it sound like it was his idea in the first place.

Fiance and I compromise, but not on decorating. That falls into my sphere.

Post # 7
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i agree with the other posters, it’s both of your home so you need to find things you both can live with. that said, it sounds like you are pretty invested in your style– does he like the things you’ve chosen and your taste? if it’s really important to you, and less important to him, and he overall likes your taste, then maybe give him options of things you like that he can ultimately choose from.

when hubby and i first moved in together, our furniture and decor were VERY different from each other, since we’d both lived on our own and had a lot of stuff. the difference was that when i first got my furniture, i was already with hubs and knew we’d eventually be moving in together, so i got his input on my choices. like, i got a lot of neutral colors that he liked, rather than girlier choices i may have otherwise settled on. then, when we moved in together, more of my stuff “won” since he liked my things more than i liked his (which was all bachelor pad-y and blech in my opinion!).

but if he doesn’t like your choices, then you really have to start from scratch and compromise more…

Post # 8
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with compromise, but some things are just too ugly to compromise on. My Fiance tried to tell me his picture of a hundred dollar bill with flaming dice burning through the middle was “modern art.” One day he will have a man cave that he can decorate to his liking, but tacky crap like that is not hanging on my living room wall.

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sorry, but i think he should have 50% of the say in decorating.  Like the wedding…. many girls dream about it their whole life… but so do some grooms (my husband wanted to be really involved in the decisions!).  It’s even more important in your home – it’s not a one day event.  It’s what he is going to come home to every single day. 

Do you perhaps have an office or area that you could focus on decorating with your style and then in the common areas, you could compromise?

Post # 10
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@PinkMagnolia:

I have to laugh, I have tried that SO many times, but I dont think my Fiance falls for it haha!

I understand the OP, it is so hard to compromise sometimes when the ideas are just THAT bad.

Post # 11
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

While I understand how you may be feeling, it is his home too. He should be able to feel just as comfortable in it as you do. Your home decor should reflect both of your personalities/styles equally, so a fair amount of comprimising is in order.

I had a similar situation when my guy moved in with me a few months ago. Together, we redecorated and upgraded from the Craigslist finds/hand me downs I had since college. I didn’t think that he would care as much as he did. He ended up picking out almost all of the new furniture, which was fine by me. I honestly don’t have very good taste when it comes to decorating.

Post # 12
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t know how, but I’ve converted Fiance to my side. Maybe his opinions weren’t as formed as your FIs. Sometimes I even hear Fiance remarking to other people about something I’ve said and pretending that it was his idea. Hehe

But really, I’m not sure there’s room for 50% compromise in decorating. Someone has to care more about it than the other person. There are things that Fiance and I buy that I don’t care at all about (cars, guns, his bicycles, food) and he’s grateful that I let him do whatever he wants. I just make sure that I don’t buy pink flowered comforters and he’s happy! In fact he compliments my bedroom occasionally about the fact that it’s blue (see this is an example of him subtly trying to persuade me to his point of view).  

Post # 13
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Have you lived together before now? If not then you do need to compromise. He has to live in the house too and its only fair that he gets a say in how its decorated. If you have different tastes and one of you doesn’t like an item then don’t get it, and wait to find something you both love. Living together is all about compromise. Fiance and I decorated our house when we first moved in together and we have the same tastes so it’s a non issue for us.

Post # 14
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I do think you need to compromise more, since it’s his house too.  But maybe you can agree to keep things neutral in the public spaces, and then each have a room to go crazy in.  He can have a “man cave” decorated however he wants, and maybe you can design a studio or guest room with your unique taste.

Post # 15
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MJade: I understand how you could have the expectation that decorating would be done by you – but as others have pointed out – it’s his home too.  There will be touches of you and touches of him throughout.  During our pre-marital counseling, I remember the therapist saying that the home should look like he lives there too.

That said – I think you can have your say in what looks good or what doesn’t look good.  But, just like you don’t have to agree to everything he picks, you can have your say in things too.  I remember sofa shopping for our house.  I spent so much time and picked the COOLEST sofa – Darling Husband hated it.  We weren’t even engaged at the time, but his opinion mattered and I ended up compromising so we have this ugly-ish, yet comfy sofa (the cool sofa would not have been so comfy but it sure would have looked good!).

I guess my point is – keep trying different things with whatever you are picking out until it’s something you are BOTH happy with.

Out of curiosity:  what are the super cheesy things he wants to do?

Post # 16
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

In all fairness its his home too.. He should get some say. Maybe if your tastes clash decide who is doing what rooms 

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