(Closed) Home Invasion? (Poll)

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you feel the same way and would you say anything at the risk of hurting her feelings?
    Yes, you should definitely say something to her. : (2 votes)
    22 %
    Yes, but you shouldn't say anything. Just do everything before she does. : (2 votes)
    22 %
    No, just let it go. It's not forever and if she needs to contribute, let her. : (3 votes)
    33 %
    Other. Please explain. : (2 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    246 posts
    Helper bee

    Hmmm…. What a tough situation.  One thought is, if there are nights that she does cook and you get home late, could you have your Fiance make a plate for you and put it in the fridge?  That way leftovers are reserved before people start going for seconds.  I know that doesn’t help your situation as a whole but just a thought…

    Post # 4
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I hate to be rude/insensitive/whatever, but what is her SO doing? Is he working?

    Also, you shouldn’t be their fall back option – it’s obviously not working out for you. I would recommend you talk with Fiance and discuss what time frame for them moving out works for both of you, then both of you sit down with Future Sister-In-Law and say that the situation isn’t working out and that you’ll need to find somewhere else to live by X date. Maybe that will give her the motivation she needs to find a job she can keep. It would be different if she were unable to work, but from what you said, she’s just unwilling to work. I have far less sympathy for those folks.

    Post # 5
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Also the comment about when I start making dinner every night makes me think she feels like this is a long term arrangement. Has that been discussed or has an end date been put on her stay? My FI’s mom had her nephew move in “for a few days” now he is going through a divorce and has his own room and will be there longterm, but it was never discussed with the family (or the other people who live there)

    Post # 6
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Hmmm, that is a really tough situation.  It sounds like she’s really struggling, and actually making an effort to “give back.”  I’ve been in this situation myself QUITE a few times during my life… mostly when I was in high school though and trying to get out of a toxic home.  

    If I were you, I would sit down with her and have a gentle talk… it sounds like you two are friends.  Just say that you absoutely love and support her and her children, and that you will do anything to help her find a new place to live.  And maybe even throw in that she shouldn’t cook and clean, but instead use that energy on finding a job!  hahaha… I understand if she’s making dinner for her children and brother if you’re not home from work (kiddies need to eat), but you are still the Woman of the House! 

    I often find that forcing people to do something is pretty counterproductive.  Instead, redirect energy!  Hope that helps 🙂     

    Post # 7
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Oh boy, that’s so rough.  I’d have my Fiance talk to her, if I were in your shoes.  I feel like there’s really no way for you to pull it off without creating tension.  Whereas siblings can discuss this stuff and move on.  I totally understand you’re feeling territorial.  My best friend broke up with her boyfriend and moved into our apartment and I was really ready to kill her.  She tried to help out and it drove me nuts!  Like, she did the dishes, put them in the dish rack but then moved the dish rack to the other side of the counter.  For some reason that set me off.  I think its cuz it’s our space, ya know?  I hope they’re able to move out soon because as you said, you really can’t kick them out.  I’d be sure to do some solo things with your guy too, to get away from the stuff at home. 

    Post # 9
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It sounds like she’s trying to feel at home in your home. As someone who has spent an embarrasing amount of time couch surfing over the years (a few weeks between apartments when one complex I lived in got sold, after my ex and I broke up and I moved out, vacationing in the States while I was living in Asia, etc.), it can be really hard to stay at someone else’s house, because you feel out of place. Helping out with stuff may be her way of trying to feel like she’s contributing, comfortable where she is, and like she’s not just a sad, lonely mooch, haha.

    I understand why you’re frustrated though. Does she have a timeline for when she’s moving out again? I would hate to see “a couple days” turn into a month or something!

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