(Closed) Home renovations hurting the relationship?

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think that is normal , we did some major renos when we first bought our home and it was really stressful! I think communication is key BEFORE the renos start … figure out what annoys one another and how you can avoid/resolve it 

Post # 4
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wouldn’t add on-if this is becoming a problem already.  My husband and I had 2 fixer-uppers, one took 10 years to renovate, if our relationship wasn’t a strong one and we weren’t a good team with it, we wouldn’t still be together. 

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

It can be stressful when doing renovations, living in a construction zone, and spending all kinds of money. I think it’s a true test of any relationship, after having done it. You need to pick your battles. For instance, I wanted black cabinets and white counters. Darling Husband was set on more warm brown tones. So then I picked appliances, and decorations. We made a compromise. We are now searching for another home though, and Darling Husband is going to let me have the cabinets I wanted for our current place 🙂 

As I’m writing this, all of the stressful things we’ve come accross in our relationship all get solved with both of us giving in a little. Meeting in the middle is key!

Post # 6
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with pps… you have to pick your battles and compromise.  Fi is an electrician and is rewiring our entire house.  Entire. House.  Right now, I’ve got huge chunks of drywall missing in our living room, and the entire (previously finished and furnished) basement is completely gutted. Our deal is that the upstairs is only done one room at a time, and my study/oasis has to be started and finished in the same day.

That said, your entire marriage is going to be about stuff like this… the sooner you learn how to work together, the better.  I hope things get better (((hug)))

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: I still have a small piece of exposed 2×4 in the bathroom that has needed to be covered in tile, for a year now. What is it about men who can accomplish these tasks every day in less than hour, but in their own house it’s all of a sudden a major ordeal. LOL

Post # 8
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@mwitter80: Oh noooooo… don’t tell me that!  The missing panels in my living room are FINALLY nicely cut into neat squares, just WAITING to be patched.  Yup…. any day now… yeahhh….

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

One of the most difficult times we have had as a couple was right after we bought our house and we were renovating it. It’s stressful. Each of you has a different view of what you want and how much you want to spend. I think it’s normal to have tension but you should make sure to take renovation breaks and go out to dinner and don’t talk about it at all. don’t bite off too much at once. break it up into smaller projects and give yourself breaks in between!

Post # 10
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s normal. Think of it as a growing pain as a couple. My only advice is to not rush into it. Communicate a lot, and not just by talking. Most men need something concrete to remember what’s been agreed upon (or maybe it’s only my DH) … Excel everything! A simple txt doc would work too with dates. 

That and make sure to set aside some time to relax as a couple. Date, even if it’s just a picnic in your backyard or nearby park. It’ll help with the stress and will help remind you both that you’re still newlyweds Smile

Post # 11
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

double post Undecided

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree with the others, you have to pick your battles and let him win some. We’re moving into a new house (tomorrow!) so we’ve been fixing it up first. We had a major disagreement about where the baby’s room should be, and since that was very important to me (he wanted the smaller room, which I felt was dumb b/c we’d use the baby’s room way more then the guest room) so I stuck to it. But then since I got my way on that, in the next issue I let him have his way.

It’s hard sometimes to deal with things being “ours” and not just mine anymore.

Post # 14
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I can totally feel for you!  We bought our house in July 2010 and have been doing countless projects to update it.  The newest project (6 weeks before our wedding mind you) is the back ordered hardwood floors that will most likely be installed a mere weeks before our wedding in August.  This on top of all the stress and projects an upcoming wedding brings!  Ahh! 

I would say breathe and try not to stress.  Take on one project at a time and work together.  Talk and compromise and think about how good it will feel when the house stuff is all done and you can sit back, enjoy your hard work, and eachother 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

we are still renting right now, but part of me is afraid of buying a house because of this very reason!

Post # 16
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Renovations are one of the most stressful things you can put your relationship through. For whatever reason I married a contractor and decided rebuilding our home would be a great idea (did I mention we’re working on the house ourselves?!). Yah. We’re still in the planning and approvals stages and we’ve already gotten so frustrated with each other so many times! Definitely pick your battles. One thing that worked well for us was to each come up with a list of priorities for what we wanted for the house. That way you know that a beer fridge in the walk in closet may be a #1 priority for him, but clearly not on your list, but you can let it go since it’s so important to him 😉 Also, let each of you be in charge of your own domains. I do the majority of the cooking, so Darling Husband got some input into the kitchen design but I got veto power.

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