Homophobic comments at work – HR bees help me out

posted 4 months ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Definitely bring it to the supervisor. Or, higher if that’s not going to get anywhere. Crazy.

ETA: So sorry you have to work with this lunatic.

Post # 3
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Wow, I wish there was somewhere even higher than your company you could go!! Were they violent at all? Would it be something you could report to police? This is so disgusting, and even though I know the right thing to do is to go to your supervisor, I would be personally saying something to them!

Post # 4
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

missmollybee :  oh my goodness bee I am so sorry to hear about your family member. that is absolutely heartbreaking. also, fuck your coworker. I work in HR and I would absolutely encourage you to report it. I would not report it to your supervisor, nor should you discuss it with other coworkers; rather, you should anonymously report it to HR/compliance. I guarantee should you leave HR out of the loop and try to resolve this/confront him yourself, you will be likely facing a hostile work environment moving forward. he will claim he was “only joking” and that you’re the one overreacting with a stick up your ass. 

rest assured—you are NOT overreacting whether you had a personal experience with this or not. homophobia is unacceptable in society in general, but ESPECIALLY in the workplace. he deliberately made those “jokes” (yeah right) and he clearly has made his choice to vocalize those views. joking or not, that behavior is blatantly unacceptable and he needs to be prepared to face the consequences.

if you don’t report him, he won’t face consequences. and we all know what happens when behavior like this goes unchecked…these people need to realize that they can’t just go around saying whatever the fuck they want and not caring about how their words impact others. 

Post # 5
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is so messed up, I don’t blame you at all for being upset. PLEASE report this to HR. I would also follow up to make sure they don’t just sweep it under the rug- I would want to see some disciplinary actions. The only good thing is that it was said in front of a lot of people, so you hopefully won’t be singled out as the person who made the report.

Post # 6
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

missmollybee :  honestly if it’s a small family company I would go straight to the owner, assuming you know him/her. I would be horrified if I found out an employee acted like that and would want to know so I could fire him. 

Post # 9
Member
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

While I realize this is MUCH easier said than done, I would encourage you to have something prepared to say next time that employee makes any sort of remark. Sometimes you would be surprised how many people are thinking the same things you are but are too shy to say anything. If this guy knew that not only did you not support his views, but perhaps that others didn’t, either, it might go further toward at least shutting him up.

All that is not to say that you shouldn’t bring this up with a supervisor; you absolutely should. Depending on when your review is, I might wait until afterwards, but document in the meantime. Record every single “off” remark this guy makes in addition to the big ones like you witnessed. That way you won’t have to worry about anything affecting your review, but you might have more evidence to bring to the table about the hostile work environment this guy is creating.

Post # 10
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

missmollybee :  I would bring up the review later and address this issue while it’s fresh. I’d say “boss, I need to tell you that Joe has been making me very uncomfortable. He’s said some pretty bigoted things that I’ve been able to ignore, but today he was telling all of the staff about how he verbally assaulted someone just because they were trans. I’ve lost someone I care about to a homophobic hate crime and frankly this is rising to the level of a hostile workplace for me. Can you speak with him?” The review can wait a week or two. 

Post # 11
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

missmollybee :  then tell the owner. the sooner you tell, the better. your review shouldn’t be hurt by this at all. 

Post # 13
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I can understand the impulse to want to wait until your review, but I think you really have to say something in as close to real time as possible. Otherwise you run the risk of your co-worker saying that you misheard, he didn’t say that, etc. 

Post # 14
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

This is a hot button issue for me, so it’s difficult for me to be rational when what I really want to do is staple this transphobic/ homophobic bully’s forehead to his ass so he can see what a truly shitty excuse for a human being he is. 

Besides his hateful, bigoted comments, you’ve told him how you feel and yet he perpetuates so he clearly doesn’t care if he’s making you uncomfortable or unhappy. This is totally unacceptable, you shouldn’t have to hear this garbage and neither should anyone else. Please report him to your supervisor immediately and include the fact that this happens often and that you’ve told him how this affects you. And in the office, call him out on it every single time he starts in on this kind of b.s.- ‘please, enough of the hateful talk, I don’t want to hear it’. Unless you unfortunately work with others who think as he does, it could encourage others to speak up. Bullies like him are cowards at heart and speak up in environments where they think they can get away with it. If management/ the owners won’t put a stop to it, I’d be job hunting. Speaking up may be hard to do, but you’ll feel so much better for it rather than the regret and frustration of not speaking up. Good luck Bee. 

Post # 15
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

missmollybee :  temporarily?! for what….8 minutes? He now knows how you feel and is continuing. Speak up to the owner now. 

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