Homophobic comments at work – HR bees help me out

posted 4 months ago in Career
Post # 17
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I would have said something to the employee and the owner but I’m like that!

Post # 18
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

missmollybee :  That is terrible. Husband left his job because of a work environment like that.  Even the boss was accepting of saying crap like that.  

Post # 19
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

Talk to the owner asap. But I worry that you may be dealing with more than one homophobic employee given one of your recent statements. I would find it very disturbing to work in that kind of atmosphere. 

Post # 20
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

 

missmollybee :  sounds like my boyfriends job at an accounting firm. Close knit because it is a fam business, and no real HQ. I would go to the dad, the owenr, and directly let him knwo of the situation. 

Post # 21
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

My first post was anger at this awful bully, but this hateful stuff also makes me sad- suicide rates for LGBTQ people are 8 times higher than the average. It’s because of cruelty like this horrid co-worker’s so called ‘hazing’ (aka hate crime) that LGBTQ people’s mental health and physical safety is so often in jeopardy. 

Post # 22
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you wait to report this then it makes it seem less important. Do you think the owner is a bigot? Is that why you feel you need to wait til after your review? I mean if it is not that then if you wait it could offend your boss that you thought they would review you differently for bringing this to their attention. missmollybee :  

Post # 23
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

missmollybee :  How disgusting.  

Honestly, I am not sure what you should do in your situation, except for one thing.  Make sure you are documenting everything.  Exact comments, time of day, what people were wearing, etc.  Since it’s a small business, you never know exactly what’s going to happen, and better for you to have a solid record of it. 

Power to you bee! 

Post # 26
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

missmollybee :  This makes me wonder if your company does not have an HR department, if you can find a resource outisde the company to advise you on what to do. Maybe find your local LBTQ organization and ask them if they have any ideas or are aware of anything you can/should do when comments like these are made at a company with no clear HR department. Maybe you can look up a local workers rights organization in your area as well and ask them the same question. There has to be somewhere you can report this to outside the company anonymously. Maybe even call the non emergency police line and ask them about what to do when a coworker openly admits in the office to assaulting someone in public, if they have any open cases that match the description your coworker gave etc. Police can’t operate on hearsay but im pretty sure if they wanted to, they could show up at his home and ask him some questions, ” we have gotten reports of you admitting to assaulting someone in public, are you aware that is illegal?” Scare him a bit. 

I had a good friend who had an ex calling her repeatedly and she told the police and they contacted him and warned it to stop. It wasn’t official but he did stop. In the US, if there is no dedicated HR person or department in a company, there are federal and state agencies things can be reported to from what i saw. But the articles online I saw say to go to your direct supervisor first. 

Post # 27
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

missmollybee :  Imagine how targeted the transwoman feels on a regular basis because of douchebags like your coworker and he has everyone in the office keeping silent either because like you, they don’t want to be the next target of his unacceptable assholishness, because they’re frightened or uncomfortable or -worse- indifferent or in agreement. But at least you’re wanting to do something about it, so kudos to you for not being okay with this and struggling to find a solution. If you think meeting with your supervisor is going to make it obvious you complained, would you feel more comfortable emailing him/ her? And stress in the email that you wish this complaint to remain confidential for fear of harrassment and intimidation from someone who openly admits, even despicably brags, about harrassing and intimidating others. Also ladyjane123 :  has several good suggestions. 

Post # 28
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

I would suggest pulling aside the perpetrator and properly saying something rather than running to HR. It’s difficult standing up for your views, but that’s the whole point of having convictions. A few months ago I turned around and said “wow that’s really racist” to a colleague whose BS I was sick of and she hasn’t said anything racist since. xo

Post # 30
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

missmollybee : 

missmollybee : you haven’t confronted them properly, and sorry but you sound a bit like one of those people with opinions who don’t actually have the guts to stand up for them. Your quote below….that’s not a proper mature confrontation. Put your big girl pants on and stand up for what you believe in. If you can’t get any headway then escalate through HR.

I told this coworker directly that I’d rather my family member be gay than be dead. That did seem to shut them up temporarily, but they’re at it again

 

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