(Closed) "Homophobic" Florist

posted 8 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 107
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KelannaDC:  

Ugh, I’m so sorry you even had to deal with that. 

Honestly, I think that you should review her on weddingwire ( http://www.weddingwire.com/reviews/fifi-flower-llc-alexandria/5574887d6fa17321.html ) so that other brides are alerted to her discriminatory business practices. A lot of people use wedding reviews on that site to help make a decision, they should definitely be informed.

No one else should have to have this kind of conversation / encounter with this business.  It is absolutely reprehensible that she would not only react that way, but would actually have a ready list of demeaning requirements for conducting business with minority groups she chooses to discriminate against.  I’m flabbergasted.

Post # 108
Member
2267 posts
Buzzing bee

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@brandybelle:  There’s always this answer, “Well I don’t agree with it personally but I will still do business with you.”

Post # 109
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

First of all I wanted to say that Im sorry you got hurt. I personally am a supporter of gay marriage and make a personal choice not to give my business of any kind to a business that does not share that belief. I am also a supporter of people having the freedom to believe and live as they choose.  Even if I do not always agree with it. While I personally think that lady is a jerk, I also think it’s her right to feel as she does. As offensive as it may be, she has a right to her own beliefs. And while I can see why you would ask that question, by asking, you give the responder room to give an answer like this. You did want to know right? so be thankful she told you so that you could give your business to someone who can be happy to provide services for your wedding and be proud rather than someone who feels as this florist does. it happens. No matter what there will always be assholes in the world. Be strong in the love you have and in your own beliefs and know that there is far more support these days than objection so she is in the minority IMO. Hopefully you find vendors that will value your business and make your day absolutely perfect.

Im sure I’ll get some backlash for my response 🙁

 

ETA: I wanted to add that while I think her opinons are hers to have, I also think she should have just said “I do have objections so Im sorry but I won’t be able to provide services for your wedding. I hope you find a vendor that suits your needs”…. or something to that affect. She did not have to offer to take your money and be a complete asshole in regards to your wedding. Just wanted to make sure im being clear because my opinion doesnt appear to be a popular one so far
 

Post # 111
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

I’m glad she was honest with you about her true feelings. She is allowed to feel however she wants. Just as you are allowed to use a florist that supports your beliefs and marriage! I’m so sorry you experienced this but I hope you have a wonderful wedding and beautiful flowers in spite of it.

I believe things happen for a reason and she was never supposed to do your flowers. Maybe her comments make you stronger and maybe your comments make her rethink her position. let’s hope so.

Congrats!

Post # 112
Member
23 posts
Newbee

There is a website you should look into.  Its http://www.purpleunions.com.  They have gay friendly vendors on there and you can look for someone in your area.  Good luck with everything, it sucks that you had to go through that.

Post # 113
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

So sorry to dredge up this thread from the archives but I was searching for a DC florist and came upon it and my blood boiled a bit…

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@stardustintheeyes:  You wrote your response a long time ago…so I hope your opinion has changed. But you think the business owner had the right to refuse service to the OP because she’s gay? In California this is illegal…the Unruh Civil Rights Act. Yes, the OP is located in DC but this act has a precedent throughout the country and it’s commonly referenced in discrimination cases. I’m kind of curious if you condone refusal of service to anyone in another protected class (race, color, religion, national origin etc) based on the business owner’s beliefs? The florist put conditions on her services…which was insane, but refusal would have been just as bad. 

Post # 115
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

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@KelannaDC:  Yes ma’am, who knew Civil Rights Clinic would have been so helpful on the Bee? lol I’m so glad everything worked out for you, congrats on your wedding and your marriage 🙂 I just checked out the site, everything looks beautiful but Middleburg is so far! I’m going to call though and see what I can do from here.

Post # 116
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@QuirkySocialite:  I don’t agree that it’s right but yes I think that if it really goes against the business owners core beliefs that it’s their right to stand by that. I don’t know about the legal side of things (but i’m sure there are many consequences) and I sure wouldn’t be someone who would do something like that but I guess my point was that people are going to feel how they feel and whether we agree or disagree, that’s their right to feel that way. I think that whether we like it or not and whether it’s wrong or right, its going to happen. Maybe it won’t be said that that’s why but one way or another, some people will find a way to not participate in something they don’t support.

To be clear, these arent’ my beliefs but Im realistic enough (jaded enough?) to know that it’s still going to happen. I hope one day things like race, religion etc are no longer something we judge people on but as of now, this is still how it works for some and  people are going to do what they please and fly under the radar. I personally don’t, but it happens and unfortunately the change needed to make this something of the past is happening really really really slowly.

Post # 117
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

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@stardustintheeyes:  Yes, it’s her moral right to believe in whatever she believes in…but when you say her “right to stand by that” and standing by it translates to denying someone equal service, it’s no longer moral and it becomes legal and she does NOT have the right to deny service to someone based on protected class. That’s the whole point of Civil Rights…they’re federal and state laws and they’ll trump someone’s moral beliefs as they pertain to the public every time. Most applicable and accurate historical analogy I can think of right now- A diner proprietor believes blacks suck so they can’t sit at the counter of his establishment so he puts conditions on their patronage, blacks sit in the back corner. It’s his belief…and while I know you don’t subscribe to these discriminatory beliefs, you think that means he has the right to stand by his belief…but he doesn’t. I think making sure everyone is aware of this fact is the way to make the change universal. Now sexual orientation as a protected class isn’t a federal law yet…but it’s well on its way…so everyone might as well get on board now..or get their asses sued off later.

Post # 118
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@QuirkySocialite:  I think what your not understanding is that if im a business owner, in this case this florist,  I don’t have to go around saying “well im not going to provide services for this persons wedding because they are gay” I can make it to where there are legit reasons why I wouldn’t be able to provide service for this persons wedding. whether it be that Im already booked, I can’t fit into their budget, etc. So while you are correct, there will be people who will still find a way to make sure that they don’t participate in something that they do not support. If they do make it possible to prove that it’s for discriminatory reasons then by all means, go after them. But the point is, as long as we are all still human, flawed humans, there are gonig to be people like this. Maybe one day things will change, some change has already happened, but unfortunately there are still those kinds of people out there.

Post # 119
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KelannaDC:  I would not use that florist on the terms she offered you. Either she will serve you as anyone else, or she shouldn’t benefit from your business. In my opinion. So sorry that you have to deal with this crap, but I understand all too well how angsty and morally confused these people get when faced with “do I want to make money, or do I want to be use my business as a way to support my religious beliefs?”

 

I grew up in the rural bible belt, and my family was mostly conservative evangelical christians … think “holy rollers” only down a notch or two in terms of theatrics in church. If you were part of that community, and had a friend who was “out”, you would be horribly judged and harassed to either convince your friend to “stop being gay” or drop that friend because they were a “bad influence”.

 

So, I find her attitude offensive, as someone who serves customers, whose lifestyle choices do not reflect on her, yes.  She does not HAVE to see it as “endorsing” anything, just providing a service for a paying customer, THAT’S IT. She probably wishes it was that simple. However, it is likely that her family/church family would give her hell if they found out she did a same sex wedding.

 

That is what is so sad… she may not be actually against doing your flowers (or so it seems), she is just afraid of what people  she depends on in her daily life will say if they know about it. From how you described her reaction, she was embarrassed but still wanted your business. So incredibly messed up that the church would crucify her for being your vendor… since you know, it is not like her refusing your business is stopping your marriage anyway.

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