(Closed) Homophobic in-laws forcing me to uninvite cousin’s partner

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Don’t do it. That is not right in any capacity. Stick up for yourself and for your cousin. Your in-laws are being rude, selfish, hate-filled people and it’s not excusable. If they want to ruin your relationship with them over this, I don’t think it’s worth having a relationship with them. 

Post # 4
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

OMG obviously do not listen to your in laws. Everyone has their own opinions and if they are uncomfortable with gay people then that is fine but they have NO right whatsoever to tell you that you cannot invite his partner. It is so beyond insulting and rude. I have a similar situation going on and it surprises me as to how close minded and ignorant people can be!

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Do not dis-invite Sam. You need to stick up for your family, and for what you believe in and support your cousin. Your in-laws are being completely unreasonable, and you need to to stand up for yourself and your family.

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I understand not wanting to strain the relationship- but this isn’t a fight over some flowers or a color scheme. You definitely need to stick up for yourself and your cousin. Let them know respectfully, that they will be attending and however they choose to deal with it is their problem.

Post # 7
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Bryan and Sam should both be invited and go to the wedding. They are your family friends and your in-laws can’t tell you who can or can’t be at your wedding. It is your wedding and if you and Fiance want them there, they should be there

Post # 8
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ditto to everyone else. This is worth standing up over. It may feel uncomfortable, but it will be worth it to look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing.

Post # 9
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

They were married-Sam is your cousin now too. To disinvite him would be beyond awful. Stand your ground now or you will be giving in to your in-laws for the rest of your life.

Post # 10
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree, stand your ground and don’t disinvite him. He was your family before the inlaws. What does your Fiance say about all of this? He should be standing up for you. He should let his parents know that they aren’t the only ones paying for the wedding and you and your family have a right to invite who you want.

Post # 11
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I work with teenagers who have been kicked out of their homes for coming out and being honest about who they are.  Bigotry rarely changes.  Let’s say your child comes out to you when they are a teenager.  Are you going to have to hide them from their grandparents because of this bigotry?  It will be hard, but you must stand up for your cousin and for what you believe.  I can imagine there will be more family gatherings in the future ,so you had better take care of this now.

Your FIL’s need to know that your cousin and his husband will be attending, and they should treat your guests with respect.

I am so tired of people who are so narrow-minded and intolerant.  (sorry, my little rant)

Good luck with this.

 

Post # 12
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree- your cousin’s partner should be there. If it is really going to upset their church friends, then their church friends can chose not to attend.

If it were my in-laws, I would tell them that you expect ALL guests attending the wedding to be respectful of other people’s views- that you expect your cousin and his partner to act appropriately and not purposefully make others who may disagree with same-sex marriages uncomfortable, and you expect your in-laws and their friends to be respectful and not cause a scene or act inappropriately toward your cousin and his partner. Anyone who is unwilling to put aside their differences for the day can choose not to attend.

It’s perhaps reasonable for your in-laws to ask for them and their friends to be seated at a different table than your cousin and his partner, but it’s not fair of them to insist he not be invited- would it be fair of you to not invite your inlaws and their friends because they disagree with your cousin’s marriage?

Post # 13
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

OMG-I am very sorry that you and your Fiance are going through this.  I agree with Lilyfaith and the other posts.  This is the ONE post that I think has ever made me feel so ANGRY ever!  I would have such a hard time being civil to your FIL’s!!!  Kudos to you for that.  You didn’t say anything about what your Fiance has said, and I understand that your budget is low, however, I wouldn’t even give your Future In-Laws the chance to even “pull their money” from your wedding budget.  I would Decline it so fast their heads would spin.  I just wish I could help you come up with a plan/way to raise funds so you didn’t have to take their money!!!  I am not a professional wedding planner, but I  have found many many ways to cut costs and save money for bees that have low budget weddings, if there is ANY way at this point in your planning that I can help you cut costs or find what you want for a lower price, PLEASE feel free to contact me.  I find this so dsirespectful in so many ways, I wish their was more time to help you raise money so that you would have what you need for your reception, so you could tell the Future In-Laws to keep their money!!!  Because that is exactly what I would do.  I don’t understand religions that exclude people due to their differences.   LOVE ONE ANOTHER is the creed is my belief.   I hope that your Fiance can diffuse some of the rift that is occuring between your families.  And definitely invite Bryan AND Sam.  (Just for the record, I am a woman married to a man).

Post # 14
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

So sorry you had to experience this.  Support your cousin and his partner!  I’d simply send them an invitation and tell them that they are family.  And that love is something worthy of everybody!

Look, not all conservatives believe that so don’t think that’s the case.  I may be politically conservative but that’s fiscal.  Most of my friends who are think as I do (and Laura Bush) that love and marriage is for everybody!!!  I too have good friends who have been partners for over a decade and raised my friend J’s son.  They were wonderful wonderful loving parents and so devoted to each other as partners.  I remember thinking how I wanted to find somebody who’d love me just as much as J’s partner/husband loved him.    

This is a very creative place.  We can help you stretch a dollar and in the end, maybe just maybe they (your soon to be IL’s) might learn a valuable lesson in love.  I am hoping this will happen.  I hope they choose love over division.

Cheers to you standing strong.  When you discuss this with them, do so with kindness, gentleness, yet stand your ground.  Stand tall with love!  If you handle this well, it could make a huge difference and maybe help change misguided perceptions.       

Post # 15
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Good response Bellanga

I would hope that I could handle this situation with kindness and gentleness and stand my ground too.  But I posted with my opinion, not how I may react with others in person.  I get so frustrated when some people think this type of behavior being okay.   It makes me sad to see that the level of intolerance and hate in this world increase against others.  I really do try to treat others how I wish to be treated. 🙂  May Peace and Love be with All of Us.

Post # 16
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It blows my mind how anybody could judge another.  And it’s so unnecessary and cruel.

When I was younger (college) I was much more reactionary than I am now.  I am so blessed to have been able to live and experience so much and meet people who are different than I am.  When you get to know (and really like or love) people who are very different from say, how you were raised, it is so freeing.

I used to love going to lectures with my friend J.  He and I had sparkling conversations, he was so witty, smart, and I love his way he can cut to the heart of a subject and solve problems.  He and his partner were the first openly gay couple I ever hung out with and I loved them dearly!  I  have 2 good friends from college who are, and knowing them has been amazing.  It’s funny, but I don’t even think of it when I’m around them.  Nor do they think about me being hetero either.  It is us.  We’re happy.  all of us happy!  <3 ! 

Maybe the love chapter from the Good Book needs to be read aloud during the ceremony imho.  Love hopes all things, believes all things. endures all things and it never fails!
 

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