Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Regular bee going anon because I’m uber-paranoid that my Mother-In-Law will find this somehow and I’ve put a great deal of effort into hiding the fact that I can’t stand her. My Mother-In-Law has this habit that drives me nuts. To be fair she does many things that drive me nuts, but I get really fired up over this and I don’t know if I’m being irrational and looking for a fight or if I’m justified. I don’t actually fight about this, I get mad but I hide it, I’m quite certain my Mother-In-Law has no idea I harbor negative feelings.
Whenever I make an offer that I think is generous her reply is “I know.” For example, she was visiting (they live out of state) and was going to drive out to visit a friend who lives about 20 miles from us. She mentioned she didn’t want to make the drive and I said if she’d like she could invite her friend to our home for dinner instead. And she said “I know.” What? I just want to say “you can’t know, I hadn’t offered yet.” This happens literally every time I make what I think to be a kind gesture.
So be honest, am I silly for getting annoyed by this? Maybe she’s trying to say that she knows what a generous person I am and she knew I’d offer? I really doubt that’s it…My Mother-In-Law is extremely emotional and irrational when it comes to any perceived criticism, my husband really wants to confront her about her behavior toward us (this is just the thing she does that I’m not certain about, she behaves pretty badly toward us and it really bothers my husband). I don’t see any point in bringing it up because I know she’ll cry and walk away, we’ve been in one fight since I’ve known her and she seems incapable of seeing reason so I’ve given up. But I’m thinking maybe this “I know” thing is just in my head, after all the ill treatment built up maybe I’m seeing it where it isn’t even there. Thoughts ladies?
Post # 2
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee
You already don’t like her and I think this is just one more thing that drives you crazy. This alone isn’t really a big deal to me but combine it with the fact that you already don’t like her I can see why it bugs you. Maybe don’t go out of your way to try to please her and maybe she will appreciate when you do offer?
Post # 3
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
No way, that’s crazy annoying to me and I don’t even know the lady! I would want to haul off and smack her. I am sure it’s heightened because you are very aware of her behavior, but I don’t think you are out of line at all. 🙁 *hugs*
Post # 4
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
That IS a little irritating! I’m always of the “pick your battles” sort of mindset. If it were me, I would let this one go. That being said, if it REALLY bugs you, then it’s worth saying something.
Post # 5
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
maybe she doesn’t even realize she saying it…next time jokingly reply “Oh DO you?!” Lol, I’m super sarcastic so I would totally do that. I would try not to take it personally though.
Post # 7
Member
6884 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Meh I think you are tad over reacting here. It maybe annoying but since you don’t like her as it is it just adds on. I would just let it roll off and not let it bother your. Not a hill to die on
Post # 8
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
annonybee2183: I don’t think you are being irrational. I read what you posted, and the second I got to that line I thought ‘so you just assume you can do whatever you want?!?!’ That being said, I could be a bit biased as I too don’t care for my Future Mother-In-Law – I have a feeling that what eeniebeans posted may be a bit true, both in your case and in mine.
Post # 9
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
I think maybe because you just don’t like a lot of things that she does, that some of the things she does annoy you so much. Can’t really make her change the way she is. I don’t have any advice on what to do, but I wouldn’t spend any more energy getting annoyed.
Post # 10
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Is it possible that your Mother-In-Law is using the phrase “I know” in these circumstances as a sweeping comment that means “I know that I have other options or alternatives, but I still want to or plan to do X”? Perhaps this is simply her way of saying, “I appreciate what you’re trying to tell me, and I know I just complained about not wanting to do _______, but I still plan to do it.”
Post # 11
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
That response would make me itchy because it’s so illogical, but maybe it’s a regionalism or something she picked up from someone else or her inscrutable shorthand for something else. It seems less unpleasant than just sheerly nonsensical. I think it’s a small annoyance that’s just built up for you because of the bitch-eating-crackers situation.
Post # 12
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
annonybee2183: this would grate on me too. It invalidates your authority takes away your power in your own home as far as I read it. Maybe I’m overreacting. FWIW my Mother-In-Law is a nice lady! I would have a tendency to respond lightly as PP mentioned with something non-aggressive like “oh, is that so!” From this you can gauge her reaction. If she’s purposefully undermining you then from therein if she continues I’d be very assertive at all times. “I know” “how could you know MIL? I only just decided it myself!”. If her own son has issue then I’d say you’ve got grounds. Yeah, good luck.
P.S. I know it wasn’t supposed to be funny but your first few sentences cracked me up! Visions of covert MILs across the world are stalking WB to get the dirt on their DILs were conjured! I know what you mean though. My Mother-In-Law keeps calling me DIL in a way that makes me assume she wants me to return the favour. I just can’t bring myself to do it even out of politeness. First name only. But like I say, she’s a nice lady who happens to drive me up the wall with her neuroses (I’m laid back but sure of myself overall) but I’d hate for her to see a wayward comment. I’d hate to offend her! I’m just really not one to be mothered, my own mother never mothered. Well, thanks for listening, lol!
Post # 13
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Thanks everyone, I totally agree that it wouldn’t be worth bringing up, I don’t even want to bring up the more upsetting things she’s done (talking to my parents about the ways we were doing a bad job raising our baby, because we didn’t leave her to cry, when she was two months old…) but it’s nice to know I’m not totally out of left field for being annoyed by it. I think I’m going to stop making offers the way I normally do. Instead of saying “you’re welcome to x,” leaving her open to say “I know,” I’ll just say “why don’t you x?” Doesn’t change her passive-aggressive tendencies but at I’m not going to change her so I don’t want to bother trying.
howdoyoudo: I totally feel you, I call my Mother-In-Law “mom” and I try not to think about it. In my mind it’s an abbreviation for Mother-In-Law and nothing more. Haha and I’m totally paranoid about getting caught being catty in general. Like if I go on vacation and I’m in another state but I’m complaining about my boss I still look over my shoulder to make sure she’s not there. Lil crazy!
Post # 14
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
It’s probably more of a ” I know youre trying to be as kind and generous as possible because you’re a sweetie and are kind and accommodating”, not just being rude like “Well, I figured you would bend to my motherly will.”
🙂
Post # 15
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
I feel similar about my Mother-In-Law. I generally like her but she does little things that annoy the hell out of me. And this behavior would annoy me too, lol! I think it is actually a quite rude response. A “Thank you” would be much more appropriate! I think her response can come of as condescending, depending on how she says it.
I would try to avoid making those offers or if you do make the offer add “But I bet you already know that!” 😉
