(Closed) Honest question: why do some bees think that a honeymoon registry is rude?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 44
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have to say, I don’t actually think a honeymoon registry is rude, I’m just well aware that many people seem to think so. I just recently went to the wedding of a very good friend and she let me know where they were registered and also that they would love contributions towards their honeymoon, and I was way more excited to help with their honeymoon than to buy them, I don’t know, sheets. They’re not rich, and I do assume they’re going on their honeymoon with or without money gifts towards it, but I was happy to think I might have made it easier for them to swing it.

Guess it all depends on how you relate to the people coming to your wedding. I would feel weird inviting people who would know so little about me that they would think I was being rude or grabby for asking for what I want. That said, I gently mentioned a honeymoon registry and my mom shut it down cold… but she also said that in our general social group, people tend to give cash if you’re not registered. So basically, I have no idea.

Post # 45
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The concept is pretty new to most of my guests so I don’t think they realize they are just giving money, they see it as a contribution to our experience.  We used Traveller’s Joy and while I HATE that we lose 7% of any monies gifted, I like the idea that I’m not just telling people to bring a check like some of the others I researched.  It makes me feel better about myself at least.  πŸ™‚  I also made the increments of the honeymoon registry very resonable, ranging from $8-$150 gifts.

For the few guests that may believe it’s tacky, (warning, this sounds bad) hopefully they just won’t come OR give us a gift. 

Post # 47
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i dont think its rude at all. not any ruder than setting up any kind of registry! i had a Honeymoon and yes, in the end, we get money deposited to our bank, but i spent hours choosing what “items” to put on the Honeymoon with a range of prices and activities i really wanted. so in the end, the activities that were bought, we did them! the best thing that came off it was a private dinner on the beach.  it cost $170. no way Darling Husband and I would have paid that kind of money for a dinner at an all inclusive resort!  but because 2 of our friends contributed to it, i happily booked it and it was our fave thing we did on the whole honeymoon!  so i am definitely in favor of HMs and will always be happy to make purchases off them for friends.  And if those friends don’t use the money for the exact activity i selected, i will not care in the least! i know my money went to it in some way.

Post # 48
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@jackndiane: I am inclined to hold on to your mother’s day, as being the present until I and my memory die off. I’m always reassured to find a few girls who are really not interested in their wedding as a source of immediate material gratification.

The value system that places emphasis on those fine china and crystal patterns come with an equivalent emphasis on entertaining friends and family graciously, and on an ongoing basis; and the hostesses-to-be who register for such things usually end up completing the collections on their own over many years in order to serve their hospitable aspirations. I am happy to help them out — far happier than I would be chipping in on a fictitious balloon-ride or even providing a cheap kitchen appliance.

Post # 49
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@TankGirl: I find it wierd when brides invite people who know so little about them, that the bride cannot trust them to have personal insight into gifts that would please her, unless they are asked directly  for what she wants.

Post # 50
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am inclined to hold on to your mother’s day, as being the present until I and my memory die off. I’m always reassured to find a few girls who are really not interested in their wedding as a source of immediate material gratification.

@aspasia475: That seems harsh to me… If someone has a honeymoon registry theyre only interested in their guests as a source of immediate material gratification? I dont think so missy…

That’s why I love my family so much πŸ™‚ They are so non judgemental and they could care less what I register for! I’m actually not having a registry because my home is already set up and I honestly don’t need anything.  All I care about are my nearest and dearest there to celebrate my marriage with me. But, if I did have a honeymoon registry, or a gift registry, or even if I handed out cards with my bank account # that said “deposit gifts here” πŸ™‚ they still wouldnt be offended. They would probably be like wow how nice of her to make it so convenient for us. Just kidding. Everyone invited to my wedding knows me and the kind of person I am, and if I had a honeymoon registry they wouldnt think less of me or be offended.  One of my favorite quotes that applies perfectly to this thread is, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss

 @crayfish: That sounds so awesome! I bet your guests will love those! One of the coolest ideas ive seen for sure πŸ™‚

Post # 51
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

All this “wedding etiquette” makes my head hurt. To only find it “appropriate” to give bath towels and household appliances seems so horribly outdated in an age where many (if not most) couples either live together or already live on their own and have little need for more “stuff.” My fiance and I are most likely moving cross country soon after we get married. Additionally, we live together and have everything we need. Should we force ourselves to get towels that we don’t need or dishes that we don’t want (which will cost us extra to move anyway) just because that is what’s expected of us? We get most of our stuff from Goodwill anyway and are fine with that. I for one would feel MUCH better about buying an established couple an *experience* (even–hey, especially!–if it’s an extravagant one) than I would getting them some boring house stuff that was probably made in a sweat shop in China. The fiance and I are considering a honeymoon fund because this is probably the only time in our lives (seriously, we’re both going into very low-paying professions) where we might actually get to experience a somewhat extravagant vacation together. We love to travel, so we’ll certainly make that a priority, but in the future we’ll be doing it on the cheap. What’s so offensive about giving people the option to pamper us a little? It’s not like we’re forcing anything on them. 

@KristenGotMarried: I don’t get why that’s such an awful thing, though. Isn’t the point of a wedding gift to help a new couple start out their life together? So what if the couple uses your $500 skydiving gift on skydiving or on a blender? Don’t you trust them enough to spend the gift as they see fit? Don’t you want them to have the freedom to use the gift in a way that best helps them out?

Post # 52
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@natbug21:  i love your Dr Seuss quote.  Reading your comment makes me regret  the shallowness of my initial comment.  I am certainly adding that to my list of favorite quotes.

Post # 53
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@angeebride: Isn’t Dr. Seuss great? I honestly have that quote framed up in my house cause I love it so much πŸ™‚ I don’t think you sounded shallow! I think things can come out sounding differently when you write things then what you were actually trying to say πŸ™‚ That happens to me all the time! And honestly, I wouldn’t really want someone at my wedding who was judging me by my registry either πŸ™‚

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