(Closed) Honest Question: Why is it not OK

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

That has always confused me too. You got me!

Post # 4
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Because that’s why!!! lol

I don’t know, that’s what we are taught? My parents always told me that gifts were a privilege not a right. lol I was also taught you don’t go to a celebration empty handed…but those people shouldn’t expect it! i guess… lol

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d expect it, too. It’s rude to attend an event/accept an invitation and not provide a card at the least.

I think the difference is that while it is your personal duty to be sure you don’t breach etiquette (always bring a card), it is not polite to expect others/be upset when others don’t follow etiquette (that should be their own personal shame…but most don’t even know!).  It can be very frustrating.

Post # 7
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Because you’re always supposed to GIVE people things in life, but never EXPECT anything. I guess? I don’t know. I’ve never really understood this either — I expect presents at my wedding. There, I said it. I expect gifts from my family on the occasion of my marriage. Am I inviting them just for the gifts? No. But I will be irritated if they don’t give one (unless they’re financially unstable…but still, it’s easy enough to buy/make a card).

Post # 8
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jenniphyr: That’s my thought on it. You are supposed to be giving and generous and not have expectations or demands (but I secretly do, too). I mean, come on, you’re supposed to do it! I can at least secretly expect that you will!

Post # 9
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Etiquette is mostly a matter of mindset.

When you’re a guest your mindset should be that you want to do the hostess honor and celebrate with them through a gift, whether or not the event is up to your expectations (tacky, boring, etc.).

When you’re a hostess your mindest should be that you want your guests to be comfortable (not hungry/thirsty/bored/cold/hot/tired/annoyed) and able to freely join in your celebration as much as they would like.

Obviously, events aren’t always as great as we’d like and you can’t please everybody, but gifts shouldn’t be thought of as a trading commodity, “Nice party! Here, have a fruit bowl.” And part of etiquette is remembering that not everyone abides by it, and being graceful about it is all part of the deal.

Post # 10
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@indibee: I agree with you. I think it’s that we should follow etiquette but not be offended when others don’t? I don’t know, people get all offended when someone doesn’t send them a thank you card or chews with their mouth open at the dinner table so we expect manners and etiquette from others all the time anyway… nevermind, I have no idea lol

 

@Jenniphyr: Yeah, I expect presents too. Although, I do know which of my relatives will and won’t give one and I can guess how much they’ll each give, so I guess for me it’s just expecting what I already know will happen… but yeah, I’d be disappointed if someone proved me wrong and didn’t bring anything.

Post # 11
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I try not to be offended by lack of gifts…but it’s hard! I always give a gift at weddings, even if it’s something on sale that just looks expensive if I can’t afford to give a big enough check.

The other thing that bothers me is when people do not send a gift when they cannot attend the wedding. It’s rude.

Post # 12
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@pinkandsparkly: “The other thing that bothers me is when people do not send a gift when they cannot attend the wedding. It’s rude.”

Why is that rude? They are not even obligated to send it even if you go by ‘etiquette’ because technically you did not have to pay for their plates, thank you cards, bonbonnieries, etc. So why do they need to still pay you?

Post # 14
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@pinkandsparkly: The other thing that bothers me is when people do not send a gift when they cannot attend the wedding. It’s rude.

Why is that rude?  I was invited to a wedding last year for a girl I had not seen or spoken to in almost 3 years. She didnt even know I had moved out of state, she sent the invite to my moms house where i havent liven in years. I sent a card and the rsvp but did not send a gift. I hardly know the girl anymore.

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, some people probably find me insanely rude, because I don’t follow etiquette at all. I was raised in a house where you don’t bring gifts to just any celebration (birthday, christening, wedding, yes) and that thank cards are optional, not mandatory. Sorry, but that kind of stuff just does not cross my mind

@Sasha2011:

@Bostongrl25:

agreed, if it was someone I was close to, I probably would, but not someone I wasn’t.

Post # 16
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I must be a horrible creature.

I don’t know but if a wedding isn’t cause enough to bring a token. (Be it a card, gift card, bottle of champagne and 2 glasses – whatever!) then what IS? I expect this and I also DO this.

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