- 6 years ago
Okay so this might be a bit of a long one apologies in advance.
Firstly the reason I’m asking this here is because (as you might have guessed from the title) I need some honest unbiased advice from people who either know what I’m going through, have been through it themselves, or know someone who has. I have all of two friends, both much younger than me both have never even been in a relationship, so even if they were willing to listen and give advice… they have no experience or insight in this matter.
Okay so a bit about myself. I’m a 21 year old female who had a very rough start in life, not looking for pity but it’s important for my story. Because of my childhood, I can be a bit difficult to get close to, especially romantically. I met my fiance while I was in high school, when we got together I was 17, he was 21. We didn’t have very much in common at the time, we’re both a bit on the nerdy side and we met through a mutual friend and things went from there. He moved away my senior year while we were still dating, I made a rash(and probably stupid) descision to follow as soon as I graduated. We’d only been together 6 months and mind you I didn’t move a few towns over… I moved from Georgia to Ohio, left everything behind including a full ride scholarship.
And on to the present, a lot of people look at me like I was crazy to just up and leave everything at such a young age with someone I hadn’t even been with for a year. Anyways after moving up here… things didn’t stay as great as they were before, true of any relationship. I don’t deal well with people, I’m stubborn and very strongly opinionated, though generally I keep my thoughts to myself because I don’t like confrontations. I live with my fiance and his brother, and random people they let live with us from time to time (I HATE THIS). I keep telling myself that me and the fiance will be fine, it’ll get better when we’re on our own. I honestly don’t know thought, I think I’m just lying to myself. I’ve had doubts about the relationship for a while now, I don’t feel happy, but I just smile and keep thinking it’ll get better.
I love him, as far as I understand of the feeling, I really do. And I know he loves me, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me, on the rare occasion that we aren’t mad at eachother. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to hurt me either… We don’t get along, at all. Quite litterally we can argue about everything, and we usually do. Nearly everything I do, everything that makes me me, ticks him off, and the same goes the other way around as well. Other than a general love for gaming we don’t really have anything in common, in our interests or our thoughts on various topics. Even in gaming we don’t like any of the same ones, or even same types.
I can give more details if you want to know what I mean by that. I’m not exaggurating out lack of common ground, just take my word for it, I’m trying not to write a novel here thought it’s already obnoxiously long. I understand no relationship is perfect, there will be arguements, you can’t always see eye to eye, and you can’t have everything in common.
Well onto my main question I guess, now that you have an idea of the situation. I’m not happy. I feel put down all the time like I’m a child, like I have no say in any matter, and any time I try to talk to him or voice my opinion/concerns he shuts me down or ignores me. I hate to say this but I feel like I’m only still here out of fear(maybe?). Not fear he’ll hurt me of course, he’d never do that, but I have no where to go, no job, no money, no car. I have no friends or family I can stay with. I think I’m afraid to be alone again, afraid that I’m being rash that everything is actually fine and I’m just overreacting. I just know that I haven’t REALLY been happy in a long time. I feel trapped and lost and I have no one to talk to about it.
And this last bit I only say because I’m pretty sure this is anonymous enough that no one I know will see it. Another reason I think I’ve been choosing to stay is because when we first got together he gave me an STD. Not curable, not deadly. Something I have to live with now for the rest of my life, and I think I resent him a bit for it, and it scares me to think about dating and having that discussion with anyone.
Questions I ask myself, and now you:
- Am I overreacting?
- Is this how every relationship is?
- Should I feel this way the majority of the time?
- Should I stay or should I go?
- If I go, how do I let him know that I DO love him, and I hate the idea of hurting him, but I have to do what’s right for me too?
I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and especially those who choose to share their advice/experience/wisdom with me.