(Closed) Honestly I could not make this up…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

How awful! I do hope they calm down and reconsider 🙁

Post # 5
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel sorry for you! I hope they reconsider after a cool down period!

Post # 6
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i am sorry. Is it possible to invite the one bf and one friend?

I know its tough, but your relationship with your parents, as unfair as it may seem to you, is something that will last beyond the wedding and you want to do your best to keep it in tact through the wedding process.

To a large extent, if they are paying they do get to have influence in who gets invited. Have they pressured you into lots of other items you dont want to do? If so, maybe its better to not have their money and you figure it out. If this is only one of a few smaller items, it may be worth the compromise.

Your parents are just as proud of the wedding as you are. They want to share how well you are doing with their friends and family and because they are paying for, I am guessing, a large portion, they are under familial politics and pressure to do what is expected of them. It may be your wedding, but it is their money and some people may feel slighted by your parents if they dont do certain things.

Post # 7
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow, that is a lot of money to come up with in 10 weeks.  Have you talked to them?  Maybe they reconsider it after realizing that their daughter may have to cancel the wedding over something so silly as a cousin’s boyfriend being there or not.

Post # 8
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why are your cousin’s feelings more important to them than yours?

Post # 9
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

WOW.  That’s intense.  Are they open to further discussion?  Like, could you just cave and invite the guy at this point or is it too late?

I wouldn’t go into debt over this.  If they are truly backing out 10 weeks before your wedding, I’d cancel it and have something extremely small.  I’m sure they’d rather spare the embarrassment of having to tell all their friends the wedding is cancelled and why….?

Sorry, I just realized that it sounds like I think you should blackmail them, haha.  I don’t!  But I do think you should let them know that going ahead with the current wedding plans without their financial support is not an option for you two.

Post # 10
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

this is probably not what you want to hear….

but since they were/are paying, you should have given in on that. that’s the not-so-hidden cost of having someone else pay for your wedding. they make decisions too.

Post # 13
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I guess this is just a vent, because it seems like you can a) talk to them and try and change their minds, or b) invite the boyfriend or c) find the money yourself. 

I do think you should ask them if there’s a specific reason to invite this boyfriend all of a sudden. Like if the couple just got engaged or something, because then I think it changes things a little if this person is going to be a member of the family forward.

And if it were me, and someone else was hosting, I’d let them invite whoever they wanted (unless there was a very specific reason not to have that person there, like Uncle Charlie the child molester or something.) 

(That said, I also think this idea that weddings are date night, and everyone should bring a  guest/date is stupid. But lots of people seem to think that’s the case, so…)

Post # 14
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


(I don’t actually think it’s unreasonable that the people paying for the wedding get to choose 1/3 of the guests.) 

Post # 15
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If they’re paying at least 1/3 of the cost, then they should have had at least 1/3 of the gues list.

Personally, I find it distasteful to invite people without their signifigant others. Plus ones for single guests isn’t necessary, but not inviting a boyfriend/fiance/husband isn’t really okay in my book. 

Either have it at a venue where you can afford to invite (or fit) your people as well as their signifigant others, or cut the list so as not to be rude. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear.

If you want it to be about you, you should have a small wedding or elopement that you can afford to pay for. 

Post # 16
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i agree with @Elvis:  since they are paying a contribution (not sure if it’s a 1/3 of your budget) they should be able to have a say in at least 1/3 of the guest list, depending on the contribution relative to the budget.

since it isn’t just a random date i would invite the boyfriend

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