Honestly, is this tacky

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Chesapeake, VA

Yes. 

Post # 17
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

My sister did a rehearsal the morning of her wedding without the groom and it was great and quick. 

I second doing the sponsored meal on friday. 

Post # 18
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - City, State

View original reply
fishbee :  I agree with some of the other Bees, maybe buy a round of drinks, wine/champagne for the table, etc., They know it’s not the rehearsal dinner/mandatory so they probably aren’t expecting you to pay. If I invite a friend to get lunch, I typically don’t pay for their lunch (unless I owe them or it’s their bday), so I think that would be just fine! You could even let them know ahead of time so it doesn’t get awkward later/they don’t get upset. Have fun! 🙂

Post # 19
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

The rehearsal dinner and the rehearsal don’t NEED to be on the same day. I would do the rehearsal with whoever can make it on a Wednesday and have a legit rehearsal dinner with everyone on Friday. Forget Wednesday dinner.

Post # 20
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

I understand the ‘per the venue’ but don’t understand ‘per our wedding planner’. It seems strange that you would have a get together days before the wedding. Can you do a rehearsal right before the dinner on Friday so that you can combine the wedding party dinner and Out of Town dinner in one?

If I were coming from out of town, I would assume you would be hosting and paying for the dinner.

Post # 21
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Yes it’s tacky. I would still have dinner Wednesday to thank your wedding party that did make the out-of-town rehearsal and then do something low-key on Friday just to get the wedding party together before the wedding. It could be simple and a nice time for everyone to be together and unwind a little before the wedding. Could you host something at your house? I hosted a bbq/dinner at my parents house so it was a very lax atmosphere and everyone was comfortable and got to enjoy themselves before the hetic-ness of the big day.

Post # 22
Member
3086 posts
Sugar bee

I like the idea of doing the actual rehearsal dinner on Friday, regardless of when the rehearsal actually is.  Note that you can probably get away with doing your rehearsal somewhere other than the actual venue unless there’s some sort of particularly unusual situation with the layout.  (We’re probably not going a rehearsal but if we do, it’ll be a quick walk through in our hotel suite.)

Post # 23
Member
9632 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

do your rehearsal on friday night in your backyard with pizza and beer for everyone. 

what actually do you have to rehearse?  mine took 5 minutes.  i just showed my wedding party the order they would be coming in, where they would stand, and order they were leaving and with who.  m,y rehearsal could have been done in my kitchen if i needed it to be.

Post # 24
Member
5313 posts
Bee Keeper

Do one dinner on Friday, skip the other. It’s superfluous. Plus, you don’t want to start out the wedding festivities by charging guests for food upon their arrival in town.

Post # 25
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

I have never heard of a rehearsal 3 days prior to the wedding. Is it possible to do an earlier rehearsal on Friday? That seems extremely ridiculous on the part of the venue unless it’s some non-traditional place. If not, just scrap Wednesday and do something Friday that you can pay for. 

Post # 26
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Another vote to rehearse elsewhere on Friday and host your dinner following. A Wednesday rehearsal is an annoyance to pretty much everyone.

Post # 27
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  Agreed. 

And yes, I think it’s tacky to not pay for them Friday. 

Post # 28
Member
37 posts
Newbee

i was in a wedding where they made us go to a rehersal ceremony a week before and then rehersal dinner the night before. after the ceremony we had pizza at their house, the dinner was more what you typically have.

That being said – yes you should pay if you’re doing 2 events.

Having been a bridesmaid several times, you shell out so much money, are expected to be so many places (picking out a dress, planning a shower, attending the shower, planning a bachelorette, going to the bachelorette, rehersal dinner and wedding day) the least the bride/groom can do is give you a dinner the night before.

I personally hated that the rehersal was split though. It ate up a saturday night and another friday night, when i had already given up plenty of dates/times to wedding activities.

Please be considerate of peoples time, yes its your special day, but most people don’t want to be stuck going to multiple dinners/rehersals. Try and do something Friday. Go just you and your husband wednesday if you have to and do a mock rehersal at the dinner venue friday. I am just asking as someone who’s been in the wedding parties shoes many times, spare them the extra hassle.

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