Post # 32
By the time we were in a “relationship,” things were pretty smooth. Getting there was rough (and slow), though.
One example – on our first date (a high school homecoming), another girl asked him out, and ran out crying when he said no. Then he explained to me that he said no because he didn’t have time for a girlfriend…
Post # 33
SO and I have known eachother a very long time. He was the best friend of my best friends older brother. Confusing? kind of. Anyway, our (kind of) friendship started when I was 14 and I covered up his hickey from a night at the bar and he had a date with another girl. I remember thinking he was cute but how gross! What a slut. hahahaha
And now I’m waiting for the ring like 10 years later. LOL!
Post # 34
I was pretty much FI’s first serious relationship. He dated plenty before me, just nothing ever lasted more then a few months. So he never really experienced fighting with a girlfriend before, I think in the past at the first sign of a fight things were ended.
So we’ve broken up a few times, in the process. He finally learned not to expect sunshine and rainbows all the time, and we are happier then we’ve ever been. Our fights never seem to get very tense anymore either, they always seem small and don’t last very long.
Post # 35
This is an interesting thread.
I don’t know how to qualify the start of my relationship with FH. We had a long distance relationship.
We met at 17 (he was 18) and dated for a month, broke up because he was going to college and wanted to “have fun”, so i let him have it. Was bitter of course and did not talk to him for like a year.
When I turned 19, and had a boyfriend, he called and said he missed talking to me. We were always close and had long conversations on the phone at night about anything and everything. I told him i kinda missed him too. We still didn’t talk that much because I had a BFa t the time and FH hated that boy, apparently for good reason.
FH would call me in the wee hours of the morning, drunk, professing his love to me and telling me I shoulnd’t be with that ‘loser’ i was with. I’d just laugh at him.
Broke up with the “loser” because I found out he was TRYING to cheat on me – didn’t succeed but the trying part was enough.
At 20, he asked me to be his girlfriend (yet again) and i said yes (yet again)….this time we were a little older and knew a little better…we had little fights about girls and things of the sort (i had trust issues because of the last bf) and then…here we are….almost 4 years later. About to get married.
So yeah, maybe a little rocky.
Post # 36
oh boy…well yeah it was a whole lot of rocky…I don’t even know where to begin. I think most issues a couple could have we have gone through them with the exception of abuse and cheating. everything from lying, to drinking all night with friends, to spending money issues, to house keeping issues, to family issues, ex girl friend issues, school/work issues the list goes on and on.
We’ve been together since I was 17 though so I think we grew up together and learned a lot. Now that we’ve fought over almost anything and everything we just don’t do it anymore. I’ve gotten to a place where things just don’t bug me the way they used to and he has gotten calmer as well. lol kind of weird but its almost as though we can read each others minds now and just KNOW what the other is thinking/feeling.
Post # 37
I hate admitting this, but I’d like to prove that bad start doesn’t = bad ending.
When my SO and I first started dating, we were the couple that everyone expected to break up. We had this instant connection from the moment we met BUT we were both incredibly immature. I could cry constantly (and at anything) and he would fly into anger and punch holes in walls. Everytime we drank, we ended up embarassing our friends because we would end up fighting. There was never any abuse, but we were just incredibly immature and could not communicate like grown ups.
But for some reason, we had this NEED to make it work. We kept trying and trying and trying and after lots of hard work and LOTS of growing up, we fell into this normal, healthy and happy relationship. I mean, we still fight sometimes and neither of us perfect, but there’s no drama/wall-punching/drunken fights etc. We communicate, we respect one another, we’re happy.
I do want to say that I don’t want our story to mislead anyone who is in a very unhealthy relationship to think theirs will magically get better. It was a lot of counseling, a lot of misery and a lot of growing up that led to improvement. And it wasn’t work from one side either…we both had to committ to changing before we could find our happy ending.
Post # 38
@MsMonkey I mean, we still fight sometimes and neither of us perfect, but there’s no drama/wall-punching/drunken fights etc. We communicate, we respect one another, we’re happy.
Exactly. Your past situation seems very similar to mine 🙁 Especially the “drunk embarrasing our friends comment”. I actually once decided to go to therapy after a fight because I just snapped at him for not apologizing for doing nothing while we were out with a couple that are very close to us. They’ve seen it all in our relationship, and now when we get together they still cant believe we are the same people.
Post # 39
I’m glad it worked out for you too! I can’t even really explain why we stuck it out for so long. I have always been the type to cut and run whenever I realized the relationship wasn’t working. But for some reason, I always had this gut feeling that I should keep on trying with my SO. And I’m so
glad I did. We used to fight every single day. Now we live together and we get along famously.
The other night, my SO was moving some furniture and getting a little frustrated. I was trying to talk to him at the same time and he just barely snapped at me. I didn’t even think twice about it, it was so minor. About 5 minutes later, he came up to me and gave me this huge hug and said, “I’m so sorry I snapped at you! I was really stressed out for a moment there, but I should have responded more nicely.”
Yeah, this coming from the guy who used to fly off the handle at everything. Then again, I probably would have lost my mind when he “snapped” at me and started sobbing. So…we’ve both changed a lot :p
Post # 40
Not rocky per se but no fairy tale here!
I met him when I watched a mutual friends sporting event. He and others came up with my friend for a beer, I met him, thought he was cute but wrote him off as too old, and too short. That evening I hooked up with one of the guys… (not husband, not my friend but one of their mutual friends). They all knew about it… husband included they all prompted me to continue hanging around with them (and thus continue sleeping with random friend). I met several of the the guys friends where it was blatently clear I was hooking up with this guy.
Time goes on, this friend and I continue our thing, all the while I’m “single” aka free to flirt with other guys… which I do. That earns me a reputation as flirty and one to not get involved with.
Time continues on as I hang out with now husband frequently. He is being warned as he gets more involved with me to stay away… He said he was warned 3 times by 3 people to stay away. He decides I’m worth it… I start falling for him. Now, it’s sticky I like my new guy, I’m still sleeping with the first guy… and flirting with random friend. Maybe you can call that “rocky?”
In due time I decide that I want to persue my husband… I cut off hookup boy, I ditch the flirt, and go all in with my guy since about March of 2007 that was that.
All that happened in the course of 2 months.
Post # 41
very rocky – he had soooo much baggage and I was adjusting to dating/being in a relationship after choosing to be single for many years. I did the work I needed to do for me to be a good mate, he didn’t. We were on/off many times in 2 years and then finally we were done. I went to grief counselling because I hate failure and I had out so much work and energy in to the relationship and I needed to talk it out to heal. a few months later he came back, (I had started dating someone else but was still open to getting back with him). He said he was working through his issues and gave me a timeline. That took the pressure off and we had the best time for months, it was great. then the timeline passed, I gave him more time, he still wasn’t ready so I walked. This time I was done for good, little to no contact, no interest in seeing him and was actually enjoying the relief of being on my own and looking forward to whatever the future held for me. Then he showed up at my door on a stormy night last november, out of the blue, crying and thrust a ring at me. We talked, and I could tell he was finally there, at the place we both needed him to be. And now we’ve been married just over a month.
I wish we didn’t have so much garbage in our history, but we do. and that’s that.
Post # 42
DH had a lot of problems when we met. I read once that a good man is like a dusty old lamp you find at a garage sale but when you get them home and polish them up they turn out to be a Tiffany lamp. I have been through a lot with DH and I can honestly say that I am not afraid of anything with him. There is nothing to “keep perfect.” There is no pressure there. It gives me knowledge that I can get through anything with him, we can get through anything together, because man, did we have it rough.
Post # 43
Yes! This thread helped me so much! I, too, started my relationship with a rocky start. I dated one of his good friends casually for three months, and then broke up with him because he happened to be psychotically attached to me, even though I gave him no reason to think I wanted a long term relationship.
Toward the end of my relationship with him, I started talking more with my current SO and became friends with him. I’d always thought he was cute, but I would never cheat on anyone. I broke up with him around October of that year, but continued being friends with my current SO. I tried to be friends with my ex, too, but it was hard because he kept trying to get back with me. About a month after we broke up, I started having feelings for my current SO. I didn’t know he wasn’t particularly interested in a relationship, he was more interested in a friendship with benefits (although we never had sex).
Needless to say, my ex was really upset when he found out, and most of his friends took sides, which basically caused my current SO to lose his good friends. Three of them talk to him now, but they are not as close as they used to be (mostly because of how much my SO has grown up while they have remained college kids).
So, my relationship began in December of that year with a kid who basically just wanted to try and have relations with me, but now, we have a beautiful relationship and have both grown up so much in the time we’ve been dating. Don’t be discouraged if your relationship didn’t start out all sunshine and rainbows! Something beautiful can always be made from our ashes.
Post # 45
When I first starTed dating DH, i was very wild & reckless. I had been in a horrible marriage, & my boyfriend in the relationship after that was killed in a car accident. it seemed like everything in our relationship was intensified: the good, & the bad. We moved in together after only 3 weeks so you can imagine weve had plenty of growing pains…after about 10 months we broke up and I moved out…one month later we got back together (in November). In April 2011 we got engaGed. Then broke up again that December until February 2012. We got married in June this year and are expecting our first baby in April. Sometimes I think all of the battles made us closer, & definitely more appreciative of our life now..we’ve also both grown up a lot but we are no youngins…lol I’m 27, he is 30.
Post # 46
Ours was definitely no fairytale!
Long story short I cheated on my abusive ex with Danny, planning only on having a one night stand with Danny, which somehow led to a wonderful relationship and marriage.
When people find out I cheated they automatically paint me as the villain, apparently the fact that the guy I cheated on sexually, physically, and emotionally abused a disabled person (me) doesn’t bother them one bit because “He was cheated on! Oh noooo, poor thing!”
I’m not sorry. Lol. Maybe I should’ve done things a little differently, but the fact that I didn’t hasn’t affected my life in any way.
Our relationship itself has never really been rocky, though. We’ve never really had tension between us or broken up. It was just the start that was…weird. Lol.