(Closed) Honestly What Would You Do????

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I think this might be an upopular opinion but I’d say either keep both in or take both out. I realize you don’t want to punish one for the other’s mistakes but I don’t see how playing chess with the wedding party is going to help anyone’s cause. Are they still planning on attending the wedding together?

 

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Woah.  I would NOT want that man in my wedding party!  Maybe you should talk to the wife and find out if she wants to stay in or not, but the husband is OUT!

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think you should talk to her about it. Taking him out but leaving her in might make things uncomfortable and cause questions. So ask her how she feels and your choice from there.

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I agree. Both in or out, but if you decide they’re out, I think you need to talk to her personally and assure her it’s not about her. If I were you, I might not even mention the husband because maybe he’ll think she’s been talking about it. If you ask her to stay in the wedding alone, it might make life worse for her at home. you never know :/ 

Post # 7
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would talk to her about it. You definitely don’t want him in there if everyone knows about it and if it would make her uncomfortable.. but you don’t want to make him mad either! I say leave them both in and just keep the peace.

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@daybyday:  I actually agree with this. 

OP: personally, although others might not agree with this, I would probably just leave them both in.  He might get pissed if his best guy friend kicks him out of the wedding and blame her for telling people he beats on her.  Abusers are unbelievably manipulative and do their best to isolate the ones they’re abusing.  I don’t think setting off possible anger triggers are going to do her (his wife) any good.  That’s a tough situation.  I really hope they get help. 

Post # 9
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would sit down with them both and talk to them about it. Are you sure this really happend? Maybe here from both sides…. but I agree either both of them or none… Sorry your going through this.

Post # 10
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I want to second or third the speaking to her about it.  Explain that you want everything to be as comfortable as possible and have her decide which is best.  Maybe it would be less stress on them both if they were not a part of the wedding party and just guests.  Or maybe it will cause less questions if they continue to be a part.  Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If he really did beat her up, that man would not be at my wedding. I would be calling the police if he tried. If this is an unpopular opinion so be it. I don’t put up with abuse. I would do anything and everything to help my friend but I wouldn’t start out by considering the feelings of the abuser.

Post # 13
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ItsDestiny:  Agreed with your decision. Let her know she has options and you would understand either way.

Post # 15
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If it was me, I’d ask her to stay in, and ask her what she wants to do about him.  I 100% DO NOT condone what he did, but you may actually be punishing her by proxy if you kick him out, these men are manipulative and he may actually make things worse for her if you kick him out.  I’m not saying physically, per say, but emotional abuse can sometimes be worse.

Post # 16
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What does your Fiance want to do, since it’s his friend…how would he like to handle it? 

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