(Closed) Honesty can be brutal, and disappointing….

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Keep your chin up!  I would take his words at face value, only because then you’re not disappointed if it doesn’t happen and if it does happen, you’ll be happily surprised! 

My fiancee proposed on our anniversary, and he explicitly told me not to expect a ring beforehand.  Then about 2 weeks before, he told me that I’ll be getting something that uses electricity.  So for awhile, I was REALLY grumpy.  My friends would say "maybe he’s proposing on your anniversary" and I would say "ugh, no, it’s something electronic."

I was SO surprised and happy when he proposed.  

I know it’s really really hard when you’re waiting, but it will happen!  And he doesn’t have to take you on vacation to propose to you either!  

Post # 4
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

that sort of thing happened to me too.  i thought for sure on a trip we took the proposal was coming.  we went to the city where we met.  we had dinner at the restaurant we first went to together.  and you know what….nothing happened.  (to add insult to injury- i was so sure it was coming I had went out and bought a cute little dress to wear cause i just KNEW it was coming)  we had been talking about it for ages too.  unfortunately we had a bit of a blow up over it, when at the end of the night it didn’t come.  We had been together for ages, and followed each other with each big move and knew it was going to be him and me forever. I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t just done it! He just wasn’t where he had hoped to be in life for it to happen then.  

3 months later he did propose.  i wasn’t wearing a cute outfit.  we weren’t anywhere fun or exotic.  it was a perfectly ordinary day.  and then something extraordinary happened.  it was wonderful and perfect.  

I’m sorry I can’t put your mind at ease, and I’m thinking I may have made you bit more tense about it. But if it doesn’t happen, just give it time. 

Post # 5
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Aw! Have you talked about marriage and do you know that you are both on the same page in terms of taking the next step and the timing of it?  If so, then here is what i can offer.

My fiance and I were together for 7 years before the proposal and had been talking about tying the knot for about 6 months!  For about 6 months I thought "any day now!" and thought that a proposal was coming every weekend that approached.  To the point that it was all I was thinking about (and believe me, I was last to think I would become so focused on the proposal.)   

Finally, I realized that I was not living in the present and enjoying our time together…so I forced myself to put it out of my head.  When I stopped worrying so much about it, of course, it happened.  I know that everyone says this, but for me it was true!

My best advice is to be patient and to live in the moment.  If you haven’t talked about it, then talk about it.  If you have talked about it and are on the same page that a proposal is forthcoming, then relax and try to enjoy your trip together!

Post # 6
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We were together for 6 years before the engagement also. I know how frustrating it can be to one to settle in the commitment and also deal with friends/family saying "Oh maybe this Christmas, Oh maybe this vacation" etc…

We even went on a big vacation before Christmas. My entire family was convinced  it was happening on the vacation… but he is the same way as your guy, easy to read and I knew it wasn’t coming. The best advice I have is to breath, when he is ready he is ready. My guy had a lot going on (school, new jobs, etc) but he was waiting until he was a little more settled. Its tough when you know its coming soon, but you just can’t grasp it. Stay optimistic and take it one day at a time.

Post # 7
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hang in there.

I was getting really frustrated about waiting and in fact drew a line in my head, if he didn’t propose on my last trip to Kuwait I was going to have to make it clear that I couldn’t wait forever. We had picked the ring out nearly 6 months before he gave it to me. But he didn’t have the center stone and he was of course in Kuwait and the ring in Houston. Oh, the logistics were hell. He had one of his employees bring it back when he was on leave to College Station, and made the trip to Houston for the ring, but was delayed in going to back to Kuwait due to a lung infection and I was getting peeved because I thought FH was delaying my coming to Kuwait because I thought he didn’t want to see me or well, too much was going through my head. He also knew the heat was on as we had many tearful conversations about the proposal taking too long. He then blurted that i needed to wait for the employee to come back.

So, I kind of knew it was going to happen. However, he did an amazing job of making it a really wonderful and memorable moment. 

 

He might be taking his time to get a great ring that he thinks you deserve and if you are both in school, it might be kind of hard to save enough for it. Maybe you could hint if the ring its self isn’t that important but that the idea of a band that says you are taken is.

 

Best of lucck.

Post # 8
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Aw dude, that’s tough! Honestly (and I cringe at how brutal I’m about to be) I don’t think that guys think far enough ahead to even plan to come home early enough to call friends and family after getting engaged. I’m pretty sure their timeline is to propose, then magically show up and say their vows 9-12 months later. I’m really sorry you’re so dissapointed, but like someone said, keep your chin up! It’ll happen. In the meantime, know  you’re not alone!!!

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I was sort of in the same situation. We had gone away for the weekend with friends to the shore, and I thought for sure that he would propose over the weekend. I didn’t let him know that I was hoping for that, so he had no idea. The weekend came to an end and we were sittin gon our couch the day we got back. I was a little disappointed, but knew that it HAD to be coming sometime soon. As I was thinking that, he turned to me and proposed…right there on our couch with no one else around, nothing glamorous (except for the ring of course) and we were headed to a BBQ that night so that I could show off the ring. So, hang in there…it’s going to be coming when you least expect it!

Post # 10
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Hang in there! Sometimes knowing it is coming makes it tougher…it feels like a constant roller coaster of up and down emotions every time you think he might propose and then doesn’t. My fiance and I dated for over 4 years before he proposed. We talked about getting engaged for over 2 years!! During that time, we went to the top of the Eiffel tower for my Birthday, went to a romantic resort in Mexico for a surprise getaway, and NOTHING. So frustrating! The night before he proposed we went to Atlanta for a super nice dinner and stayed at a swanky hotel. Still nothing!! He proposed the following day. I was in an old T shirt with wet hair, straight from the shower, trying to get ready. He proposed in the bathroom!  It was totally him and perfect! It will happen when you least expect it. Try to enjoy the anticipation…this is a special time in your relationship. : )

Post # 11
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

I echo other posters’ advice regarding talking to him about marriage.  I wasn’t waiting NEARLY as long as you (we’d only been dating two years) when I was ready to get engaged.  We took one trip where I thought it would happen and it didn’t and I ended up bawling one night when I finally realized it wasn’t going to happen.  I wish I had just talked to him openly about when we were going to get engaged and saved myself all the guessing and wondering and self-torture.  I know you want to preserve the surprise aspect, but it might not be worth all the pain and disappointment on the way.  I know  a lot of girls wouldn’t agree with my methods, but I finally just told my guy, "I want to be engaged within a month."  (We’d long ago decided to get married.)  It was the only thing that got him off his ass to propose!  And now he says his only regret was that he didn’t do it sooner.  It’s not that he didn’t love me and want to get married — some guys just need a kick in the butt!

Post # 12
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Anticipating a proposal just stinks!  I too thought he was going to propose when we had a mini-getaway planned.  It didn’t happen and I was slightly irritated and upset.  Turns out, he had been planning something better!  It all worked out in the end!

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