(Closed) Honeyfund, has anyone used it?????

posted 5 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 46
Member
13790 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Actually, traditional etiquette disapproves any sort of registry.  But I think some people miss a pretty big difference between a typical registry and Honeyfund, which is that when people actively search for a registry, the polite fiction is that they are uncovering a list that the couple is keeping for themselves. No one keeps a semi-public list of money they are hoping to accumulate. And unless one is destitute, there’s nothing polite about begging for money. 

In addition, a honeymoon is a vacation, not an entitlement. Don’t ask others to fund your exotic, luxury trip. It’s no different than asking people to fund the wedding itself. The responsibility is the couple’s alone.

Honeyfund is also disingenuous in the implication that it’s asking for anything other than cold hard cash which can be used for anything at all. 

As for the “risk” of getting gifts you don’t want, it’s always the prerogative of your guests to give whatever they choose. If you happen to receive unwanted gifts, return, donate or sell them. 

Post # 47
Member
1452 posts
Bumble bee

Tacky, tacky, tacky

Post # 48
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
JiminyCricket :  Actually, these honeyfund sites give you the ability to gift the couple a cheque at the wedding if you’d rather that or they can receive the items while they are on their actual honeymoon.  You should read up about it a little more before you come on here criticizing someone’s registry idea.  Also, there wasn’t really a need for a huge reply regarding the subject.  Didn’t need a huge story in response.

Post # 49
Member
13790 posts
Honey Beekeeper

OP asked for pros and cons. One of the very relevant cons is that there is a very good chance that more than a few people on the guest list will think just like some of the posters on this thread and for the same reasons.

For full disclosure, traditional etiquette continues to oppose this type of gift registry and considers them tacky. Some liberal, contemporary etiquette resources disagree and approve them. I think people get to make their judgments, but personally, I can’t justify these funds as anything more than a money laundering scheme. 

Post # 50
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
JiminyCricket :  LOL what?? i could only understand your logic (but not your opinion) if you were also anti traditional registries, because how is it okay in your mind to “beg” for a KitchenAid but not okay to “beg” for an experience on a honeymoon?  like what fairy ran around a bed bath and beyond and blessed all the pots and pans to be on the OK list for someone to beg for? lol

legit every gift costs money + extra fees.  whether thats the pot you buy your friend who loves to cook or the wine tasting you get your friend you know is a wine enthusiast.  i would LOVE to give a friend the $$$ to pay for an experience I know she is crazy excited about; that beats teaspoons all day erry day in my book.

but also, lol why are you going to so many weddings of people you are trying to teach a lesson?? like dude if one of my guests was that hight and mightey and judgey it would be very clear they arent my friend and have no business being on my guest list.  share positivity with loved ones and friends during this special time, and if you dont want to, why be at their wedding.  gift whatever you can- but dont give a non-asked for gift JUST to make a point.  like just be a good friend, crazy concept.

Post # 51
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

Traditions Evolve! I really feel like etiquette just hasn’t caught up to the technology yet (but it will). Of course…There will always be people who think certain things are tacky. 

As long as you’re not saying, “You must donate to attend” and are as gracious as you should be with regular ole registries…who cares? The guest can opt to purchase a gift instead of donating to the honeyfund.

As I said earlier, I’m not doing a honeyfund. I’m just realizing that calling them “tacky” seems rather elitist. I see more commonalities between honeyfund and gift registries than differences. Especially if there are ways to circumvent the fees. 

Post # 52
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
justyourbasicpumpkinluvr :  Um, defensive much?  I have an opinion.  Just because you disagree with it doesn’t mean I’m a bad friend.  I also don’t undestand how my opting to not participate in a honeyfund makes me a bad friend 

Anyway, like I said, most of my social circle doesn’t do this because my friends and family share a similar mindset that these are inappropriate.  It’s great if your social circle does it, but not everyone has to agree with you.  That’s part of being an adult!  I’m lucky I don’t face this conundrum much, since my friends generally agree that asking people to fund trips they can’t afford or don’t want to pay for is in poor taste. 

Post # 53
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

tacky as f&ck!

Post # 54
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Some people on these threads are effin morons.  You make my head hurt with your stupidity.

Post # 55
Member
13790 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
justyourbasicpumpkinluvr :  I think I recently answered that. While just as you point out traditional etiquette makes no distinction, and always considers asking for presents to be rude, contemporary etiquette spins registries as a list the couple is keeping to organize and collect for their own household. The guest has to uncover it. Supposedly, nobody is asking for anything. 

Unfortunately, this “work around” doesn’t work when you are talking money. 

Post # 56
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
JiminyCricket :  defensive? i don’t have any registries set up to be defensive about, gift or non-gift.  we can absolutely agree to disagree; but your posts describing the ridicule your family gives other family members for setting up non-gift registries is condescending, inappropriate, and bullying to the countless brides on here who have set up non-gift registries.  AND its bullying without sound logic behind it.

and yes, like you said, you normally give money as your gift of choice at weddings, except when the couple sets up a non gift registry, in which case you go FU thats tacky and get them a rando, non-asked for gift, because yeah thatll teach them! but hay, being an adult is agreeing to disagree right? except when your friends disagree with you, then they get your second tier gift, and not the monetary gift you reserve for the friends you deem non-tacky.

most everyone will set up a honeyfund in addition to another registry, so that guests can choose what would be most personal to gift.  i do wonder if the tacky vs not tacky is related to socioeconomic status, as i’ve always been advised to put items on the registry we wouldn’t typically buy ourselves, as in get the “upgraded” item.  its not that we couldnt pay for the item, its that its something special, like A GIFT should be.  ive never known a couple to put up a honeyfund that could not afford the honeymoon complrtely independently, and would, should their guests choose not to gift from it.  same for the folks i know that would be gifting from the honeyfund, nobody is giving up their own vacas for someone elses couple’s massage. 

Post # 57
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

There are no pros, only cons. It’s tasteless. 

Post # 58
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

One of my college friends used it and I loved being able to help fund experiences for them. They had been living together for a while and didn’t really need anything, so I was really glad to be able to give them something they’d remember forever. Also, I don’t think its any tackier than a registry with homegoods. The idea of a list of pre-approved gifts is weird to begin with, but socially accepted. I’d rather someone tell me what they genuinely want then have me waste money on another roaster that they don’t need.  

The topic ‘Honeyfund, has anyone used it?????’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors