(Closed) honeyfund vs gift registery (rude to put in the invite) need opinions please

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to include our honeyfund website on a card in the wedding invite
    Rude...have it only word of mouth : (69 votes)
    63 %
    Yes include it...how would they know what to give you? : (30 votes)
    27 %
    other: please explain : (11 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    9595 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Theyre both rude to put in your invite- reads like an invoice/requirement.  Put your wedding website on your invite accomodation or direction cards and have the info there in FAQs or something. People who want the registry but cant find it will just ask you or google. People who want to give you money but dont see it will just cut out the middle man and give you cash or a check. People not good with computers arent going to be registering on honeyfund anyway, Im sure they prefer the old fashioned way.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee

    pglt09:  Yes, a small business size card would be perfect for your wedding website information.

    Post # 19
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2025

    Frankly, I have concerns about some of our older guests being able to RSVP given that we’re doing a digital rsvp on the website or via email, so I see where you’re coming from. For those folks, I’ll be sending an actual RSVP card with their invitation.

    I don’t think its ageist to assume that some people are going to have issues with the web, given the age ranges we’re talking about when it comes to family and weddings. My 65-year old dad is fine with the internet – but FI’s grandmother? Doesn’t own a computer or have an email address. Likely can’t even figure out how to use a computer because she’s never had to. Same goes for his great aunt and uncle. It’s not ageist at all – its realistic. Thinking about your guests and wanting to make them comfortable and make their part of the process easy is what a good bride does!

    But for the registry, nothing in with the invitation. Feel free to tell your immediate family and your bridal party the coordinates and what you want them to tell people, because that’s who guests will reach out to in order to find out where you’re registered. I don’t see an issue with it being on the website. If people want to know, they’ll click on the “registry” link on the website and its pretty handy to have a link directly to it for your guests.

    Good luck 🙂

    Post # 21
    Member
    9595 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    pglt09:  yes 🙂 If the ceremony and reception are at the same place and most guests are in town I think thatd work fine. If most guests are travelling in then Id do a printed accomodation card for the hotel block and you could put it there.

    Old school wedding sticklers would tell you website on the actual invitation card is too informal (you wouldnt do it for black tie etc) but I think thats more about aethestics then ettiquette. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee

    pglt09:  But all that information about accommodations and such should be in your invitation suite.  Not everyone looks at the website (like myself), nor should it be a requirement to do so.  So if you have super important information to convey to your guests, then you need to include that in your invitaitons.

    Post # 23
    Member
    12230 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    pglt09:  Regardless of what your friends have done, both traditional and liberal sources of etiquette agree that it’s always inappropriate to have any mention of gifts or registries on or in an invitation.

    Traditional etiquette also frowns on honeymoon funds since a honeymoon is really just a vacation that comes after the wedding. It’s considered a life style choice and the responsibilty of the couple. There is not even the polite fiction that your guests somehow came upon a list of things that you are collecting for your home. Nobody collects a list of money, which is all a honeymoon fund is, a glorfied money registry that takes a commission off the top. 

    Liberal etiquette says a honeymoon registry is fine, but again, that you should never include the info in the invitation, only spread it by word of mouth or through a website. 

    And really traditional etiquette to this day frowns on the idea of any kind of registry at all. A simple link on a website, without any poetry or commentary is tolerated, though, the reason being that it’s supposedly arm’s length information, not coming directly from you. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee

    weddingmaven:  You know, I am not even a fan of registries listed on the website.  To me, I see the website as an extension of the invitation and thus, the registry should not be included.  Also, the couple makes the website and having a registry section just seems icky and gift grabby.  I feel like the only time you should say anything about your registry is if someone asks you directly.  But listing it anywhere just seems wrong, in my opinion.

    Post # 25
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    pglt09:  One thing I learned a lot while I was planning my wedding is that there are SO MANY etiquette “rules”, and that they all differ depending on where you are from.  

    The bottom line is really – what are you comfortable with? And maybe that is more closely related to what is traditional among your circle of friends.  Maybe ask a few of them and see what they say?

    Post # 26
    Member
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee

    Personally if I want to know something the first place I go to look it up is the internet so to me it makes perfect sense to have the honeyfund listed on there.

    I wouldn’t put it in big red flashy letters on the home page though 😉

    That said, I don’t know if wedding websites have taken off in the UK and I’ve never actually seen one. I remember the wedding invite we had a couple of years ago had a brief mention of if people wanted to give gifts, a donation to X fund was appreciated. Purely from what I’ve seen on the Bee, we’re a bit more relaxed about a lot of these etiquette things which I find funny considering us Brits are stereotypically quite uptight! 🙂

    Post # 27
    Member
    12230 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    freckles071611:  Personally, I agree. The theoretical loophole is that the website is considered objective info and arms length. But in reality it’s almost always written by the couple and in the first person.

    Post # 28
    Member
    5882 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I voted other- personally I wouldn’t mind if I received a heads-up about the honeymoon fund (I’m going to give cash or a gift anyway, so whether it’s a wedding or a birthday or whatever, I’d prefer to get what the person wants as opposed to spending money on something that will gather dust in the back of someone’s closet) but there would undoubtedly be others who were bothered by it. So I vote other to compromise by putting a link to your wedding website. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    7438 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    pglt09:  What’s the worst that will happen if they don’t know you have a honeyfund? They’ll give you a check? I would just leave the info on your website. I have always been able to find registry information (traditional or otherwise) by doing a quick Google.

    You also mention that the elderly people don’t even know how to get in the internet (which is quite a big assumption) but how would they even give to your honeyfund if they can’t get online?

    Post # 29
    Member
    9578 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    The two good etiquette ways to spread registry/honeyfund information is through the website and by word of mouth.  Why?  Because people will only find out about the registry if they WANT TO KNOW about the registry, this way (few people visit wedding websites for anything else, as PPs have said).  This means that they get to choose whether to get you a gift without pressure from you.

    The topic ‘honeyfund vs gift registery (rude to put in the invite) need opinions please’ is closed to new replies.

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