(Closed) honeyfund vs gift registery (rude to put in the invite) need opinions please

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to include our honeyfund website on a card in the wedding invite
    Rude...have it only word of mouth : (69 votes)
    63 %
    Yes include it...how would they know what to give you? : (30 votes)
    27 %
    other: please explain : (11 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 31
    12214 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Traditionally, one is really not supposed to have more than a couple of enclosures in the invitation. That includes a reception card if one is included, and perhaps directions, although those are more or less redundant with GPS and Google Maps. Additional info is always fine to send with a separate mailing, by way of email, or through a website. 

    Post # 32
    4121 posts
    Honey bee

    pglt09:  Based from previous posts I’ve come across, I think the majority of bees will find it rude and probably some of your guests will. I wasn’t even aware of it being potentially rude until I started coming to this website as I’ve never heard anyone complain about it around me before. Speaking only for me, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I prefer to know what the bride and groom need for a gift. I attend quite a bit of weddings. I can honestly say with the exception of 2 or 3, the gift registry info have always been included either on the wedding website or as an insert with the invitation. I don’t see the difference between a honeymoonfund or a store gift registry. But then again maybe I just know many rude people LOL

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  socalgirl1689.
    Post # 33
    333 posts
    Helper bee

    No. If i see it on a card I am definately not going to that wedding. A gift is a gift, and also for your honeymoon? For your wedding maybe but honeymoon??

    Maybe just put wedding gift registry as a link on the card. Don’t put honeymoon. Not sure about other bees, but someone asking me to gift and help their vacation just seems rude to me. Wedding is alot better. 

    If you don’t care, then do it your way. As long as you are happy at the end of the day. We are not attending your wedding, maybe your friends are oaky with it. Other bees will only tell you their thoughts but we are not your friends, so we really don’t know how they would feel. In my ciricle of friends, it is really rude to do something like this. Honestly I think it is better to ask your best friends or people around you. 


    Post # 34
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I don’t understand why this question gets asked so much. YES, it’s rude. Don’t ask for money, don’t expect gifts. If people want to give you a gift they will figure out if you’re registered and what not. Oh, and don’t even get me started on a honeyfund. 

    Post # 35
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    OP, I just wanted to point out the “honeyfunds” take part of the money that people donate as a fee. A lot of times they think theyre buying specific things, but they actually just give you a check with the money. So if Aunt Sally books you horseback riding at your resort for $200, they dont book you for that – you just get $200 minus the fee of the website.

    Why not just not register anywhere and hope people give you cash gifts instead? What is the norm for your area? We WERE registered and still got cash/checks from every attendee except for one.

    Post # 36
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I disagree with freckless7611, but I can tell you that on THIS SITE, people think that you should not ever expect any gifts (you also cannot “dictate” what your bridal party wears, should expect nothing from anybody, I guess according to this site it is a bride’s job to kiss everyone else’s ass and be grateful for it!).  I personally would never dream of going to a wedding and not giving a gift, I think that is extremely rude and tacky.  I wouldn’t mind a card insert in with a wedding invitation because TO ME, that is not the same as being ON the invitation.  But ON THIS SITE, you are going to get some rude replies regarding how it is “gift grabby”. 

    Post # 37
    1441 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    On the website is fine. If someone isn’t apt to use the  website, they will generally gift cash. And please please no poems. 

    Post # 38
    12214 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    jess9090:  Apples and oranges. There’s a big difference between how the couple should act regarding any sort of expectation or entitlement regarding gifts, ie zero,  and how guests might be moved on their own.  Gifts are voluntary according to tradition, but they are also customary. If, barring extenuating cirumstances, you aren’t motivated to give a wedding gift to symbolize the occasion, I do think it’s fair to ask yourself if it’s a wedding you want to attend in the first place. It’s even acceptable to send a gift up to a year after a wedding. 

    It’s not just this site that advises people not to include a registry in or on an invitation. Every reputable etiquette resource, traditional and liberal would agree. It may seem arbitrary to you but that doesn’t mean it’s irrelevant. Disregard at the risk of offending people. 

    As for dictating what the bridal party wears, expecting absolutely nothing is certainly admirable and generous, but the only actual rule of thumb is to be considerate enough to consult as to style and budget. 

    Post # 39
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    My fiance and I are going to have a honeyfund as well. His brother did it for his wedding. The wording was somehting personal on the Save The Dates & Invitations

    “As you know, we have been living together for sometime, and we have all the things we need to make a home. As inquired, we do not have a registry. We would appreciate contributions to our honeyfund instead.” 

    Bring it up as an inquiry to the registry. Most times registry’s are put on invites/save the dates.

    Everyone was fine with it, and they had an amazing time. Not one person was offended! I found a lot of “out of the norm” posted can sometimes get a lot of negativity. I say go ahead and do it, you can even make a rhyme/poem out of it…if you want. I wouldn’t but there’s a link below:


    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  kaelasoul.
    Post # 40
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I dont know if its different in the uk but we dont have gift websites so we usually stick some type of gift poem in the invite, depending on the couple you can go for funny or traditional or ask for something specific like money for a honeymoon. We did the honeymoon, Ive seen that poem quite a lot just in different forms because most people are already set up at home. 

    Again, this is just my experience in the UK. 

    Post # 41
    2128 posts
    Buzzing bee

    So if you don’t have a wedding website, how do people know you’re having a honeymoon fund, or where you’ve registered? They have to ring and ask? Surely that’s annoying for them? I would feel really awkward ringing someone to ask where they’ve registered, would much rather they put it somewhere in the invite?

    Post # 42
    7435 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    garnobella:  or use Google and search for two seconds, or just give a check.

    I’m someone who wouldn’t care if there was registry information on the invite but it’s ridiculous to suggest that there are no other options if the info isn’t on the invite and you don’t want to call.

    Post # 43
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    MrsBeck:  Basically. Registry searches are so easy! I’ve never had a problem finding a registry online. 

    Post # 44
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    pglt09:  I have received wedding invites with a card with registry info on it a few time and it has been handy for me to see where they are registered. Did not think it was gift grabby. IMO people generally will have a registry so if they do not have a website where else would you put it and sometimes word of mouth seems more gift grabby. Its your wedding, its not like you are posting a facebook announcement asking people to donate (that is too much for me)

    Post # 45
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I think it is a pain for your guests NOT to include such info with the invite. If you have lots of different groups coming who don’t know each other, they are going to have to spend time finding out what you want/ where you’re registered.  

    At all the weddings I have been to, it is normal to put this info in with the invite. (UK bride)

    The topic ‘honeyfund vs gift registery (rude to put in the invite) need opinions please’ is closed to new replies.

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