(Closed) Honeymoon 6mo later?!?!

posted 7 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 34
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We are taking our honeymoon months after the wedding as well because of work obligations and finances. It is still a honeymoon even if it is months later. I dislike the attitude that just because you don’t jump in a car or on a plane the second your wedding ends that you aren’t entitled to a honeymoon whenever it is convenient for you and your SO to take one. I would just wait and make your Bora Bora dream a reality. You’ll have something great to look forward to.

Post # 35
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@graste:  You are obviously new around here, and focused on my criticisms and ignored the encouraging parts of my post and I can’t figure out if you genuinely don’t understand how your actions could possibly be seen as deceitful.

If you think you are having a “wedding” in July and telling people you are having a “wedding” and “getting married” and omitting the fact that you are already married, already had a wedding, and it’s nothing more than a party to placate your parents (because it by definition is not a wedding), then you are being deceitful (lying, omiting the truth, etc.). 

If you don’t think you did anything wrong, why not be honest?  Why keep it a dirty little secret?

Post # 38
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@graste:  

My husband and I didn’t take a honeymoon after our wedding. I was kinda sad about it, but we had both started new jobs and could not take any more time off than we already had for our wedding. However, we plan on taking one in April or May, which will be about 8 or 9 months after our wedding! I am glad we are waiting because being rushed and super stressed out during the honeymoon is not exactly what I want.

As for your situation, I think you should take your honeymoon when the time is right and you’re not stressed out. As for your fiance’s parents paying for the trip, I think you should explain the situation to them, and go from there. 🙂

Post # 39
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@graste:  We are going on our honeymoon about a month and a half after the wedding. This is mostly to work around our schedules. I think you could have a honeymoon 6 month out but I agree that it might not feel as new, especially since you’ve already been married for awhile.

I would try to spend a few nights at a really nice hotel for the couple days after the wedding. This way you get to relax and have a mini getaway, but still plan your later honeymoon.

As to the other things (already being married and expecting FI’s family to pay for the honeymoon), we all come from different backgrounds so I won’t comment. I didn’t expect my FI’s family to pay for our honeymoon but they could also never afford it. I did expect for my family to pay for our wedding, and they are. I know that is frowned upon on the bee but that is just how my family operates. Don’t worry about the critical responses, but, also remember that they represent a large portion of people. So, some of your guests might feel similar. 

 

Post # 40
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@graste:  I love that you never actually answer my question- If you don’t think you did anything wrong, why not be honest?  Why keep it  a dirty little secret?

I wasn’t sure if you geninely felt that way or not, but now it is apparent that you are delusional- a wedding is the ceremony where people are united in marriage.  end of story. period.  Plenty of people get married by the justice of the peace without family or friends- are you saying they aren’t married or shouldn’t feel married?  You are already married (maybe you would “feel” married if you weren’t a closet-wife) because you are legally married.  Do you know how many people in America wish they COULD even get legally married?  Do you realize how much other people want that piece of paper stamped?  You can’t have a wedding if you are already married, that ship has already sailed.  You are by definition having a vow renewal.  And vow renewals can be very special and important, but it is not and will never be a wedding.  Every dictionary, wikipedia, and reference book agrees with these definitions- that’s reality- that isn’t a “varying definition”.

What can you do?  Well, you can send out marriage announcements, you can call your vow renewal what it actually is (a vow renewal).  You can announce it during the holidays (when you would presumably see your family). You can have the person marrying you explain that you are renewing your vows to each other before your family and friends in your ceremony, you can have a paragraph about your actual wedding in your program at your vow renewal.  You can be honest with people when you are talking about it (though I’m guessing that since your parents know you are actually married and are also keeping it a secret, they are doing so because they know it would make their family look bad if people found out about your lies). 

Putting on this fake show for your family and friends, doesn’t seem to bother you, but it has a lot of long term rammifications.  What happens if someone from work is at your wedding?  Wouldn’t they be confused since you already are using your married last name?  Which anniversary will you celebrate?  Every year if someone wishes you a happy anniversary in July, it’s a lie.  What do you say to your kids who are confused by the date on your marriage license?  Everyone you have to fill out legal paperwork, you need to use your actual wedding date and not your fake princess party date.  For this lie, you will have to keep making a lifetime of lies to cover your tracks.  Even so, it will inevitably get out one day, and feelings will be hurt, way more hurt than any posts by stangers on the internet- if you still don’t care, then that’s your decision. 

Post # 42
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@graste:  I don’t think having a honeymoon later is an issue at all, unless it is a problem for you two I can’t see why it’d be anyone’s business. I know lots of couples who’ve delayed the honeymoon for a myriad of reasons and to be frank I’ve never met anyone who cares.I’m glad you realised the horrendous mistake of asking his parents to pay for it though, hopefully they have forgotten about it and you can pretend it never happened 😉 

 

As for you being already married, quite frankly, who cares!?!??!. I really don’t know where all this posters live where they’ve not met people who’ve had to had a civil ceremony before a public/religious/official ceremony. Probably underneath some rock on in a two street town where everyone is related, I don’t know,  but there are many countries/cultures where this is the norm or, shock horror, peoples circumstances are all different and not everyone has to conform to their specific world outlook. I’ve attended many weddings where I’ve known that the couple has already gone through a civil ceremony and guess what, that has not detracted on bit from the meaning of the event, nor have I thought that is some kind of gift grabbing /princessy whatever party. The “real”  wedding is only the one the couple considers as such and for many people it is the one where they make a public declaration to their commitment to each other. If that’s good for them, it’s good for me. 

 

Good luck with your plans, hope you have a beautiful wedding and honeymoon and be glad you only come across such level of narrow mindedness on this forum and not in your real life! 

Post # 44
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@HeartsandSparkles:  I feel like you are way overreacting to someone else’s decision.

Post # 46
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary two days ago.  The first opportunity we’re going to have to get away together since we got married is next summer.

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