(Closed) honeymoon fund and gift registry?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should we set up our wedding registry?
    Kitchen and honeymoon registry together. : (25 votes)
    48 %
    Honeymoon registries are tacky, kitchen registry only. : (22 votes)
    42 %
    Can't have both, choose one or the other. : (5 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I decided to have both because my wedding is international for most of my guests. With customs duties for shipping, electrical plugs, etc., it just made more sense to have a honeymoon registry. However, my friend convinced me to do non-electric registry with William-Sonoma because we are planning on moving to the US within the next year.

    I think it’s best to give people options. That’s exactly what a honeymoon registry is- an option. You aren’t forcing any one to contribute. I really don’t see the argument that its tacky.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    this is a really good subject i was thinking the same thing.

    me and fi are moving in together at the end of the year and i have lots of house hold stuff.

    but we really want a sandals honeymoon ; ) but they are very pricey.

    i heard thro a friend they have a registry and though it was wonderful.

    id much rather the honeymoon then a bunch of gifts.

    but he does not like the sound of it and thinks its rude like were begging for a honeymoon ; (

    i dont feel that way at all. im going to try and present it to him again.

    but i agree its a great concept! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee

    The wedding magazines I read said it’s good to give your guests choices when it comes to registry.  So just like most people are registered at 2-3 places, it seems normal to me that you have both a traditional registry and a honeymoon one.  You’re better than me, because I honestly don’t want any physical gifts and I have just the honeymoon registry, with a wishing well at the wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    You’ll get some mixed thoughts on this topic from the bees. I think that it’s appropriate to have both if that’s what matters to you, but it’s best to make sure you know your guests and know how they will react. If they are mostly old fashioned and care deeply about traditional ettiquette, some might be put off by a honeymoon registry – in which case if you move forward you should make sure you have both options. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    I voted Honeymoon Registries are rude. Because you are just registering for cash (and other reasons).

    BUT, if you insist on one, then I think you should have both it and a traditional so that people who are anti-honeymoon registry (and there are many of us) will have another option.

    Post # 8
    Member
    13014 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I agree with andielovesj.  I personally find honeymoon registries to be off-putting and rude, and honestly will never give money towards them.  There are lots of Bees who make good points about why they’re a good idea, but they just don’t sit right with me.  I know my family/friends would find them offensive as well, so it’s not something that even crossed my radar.  However, only you know your guests, and whether or not this would be acceptable in your particular circle.  Whenever this has come up, my mother has said, if you can’t afford a vacation, you put it off, you don’t ask your guests to finance it for you. But, like I said, that’s just how my circle sees it.

    I would either skip the honeymoon registry all together, or register for one but also have a traditional registry, so more traditional/old-fashioned guests will have an option to get you a gift as well.  Or, of course, your guests may be like me and just write checks for weddings regardless of where you registered.

    Post # 9
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @abbie017:  I disagree. Some people might use the same argument in the opposite direction: “If you can’t afford a Kitchenaid mixer, then save up for it. Don’t expect your wedding guests to buy it for you.” Asking for gifts is a tricky business, but I think a honeymoon registry is a very practical option for couples living abroad. And asking for money is only frowned upon in America, so if there are international wedding guests, not only are traditional registries confusing for them, they often don’t accept foreign credit cards. 

    The trick to honeymoon registries is to definitely know your audience. If you aren’t sure about their reaction, ask your mom (or other go-to family member). Finally, if you are having non-American guests, make sure there is an option for them too. Not all honeymoon registries accept foreign credit ccards either (I just checked out wanderer.com, and they only accept American accounts)

    Post # 10
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012


    @abbie017:  I can speak for others, but we can afford our honeymoon. We haven’t registered for flights, or hotel nights. We’ve only registered for extras like excursions, cocktails, dinners, etc. I like it because it gives my guests an option to give us memories rather than just tangible gift. Also, if they prefer to buy a gift from our registry, we’ve given them that option to. Finally, guests ultimately can give (or not give) whatever they like.

    @WoodenShoes:  Exactly! This is exactly my case. I think registries, honeymoon or otherwise, are really to make things easiest for your guests.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can’t speak for Abbie, but I can tell you all what I dislike about HR’s. 

    -You don’t really get what I give you.  I buy you SCUBA lessons, but you don’t actually get SCUBA lessons, you get cash (less a service fee possibly)

    -A lot of guests don’t know this.  Many guests think that if the buy you a couples massage, you have someone show up at your door and you get massaged.  But really you just get cash.  It’s feels somewhat deceptive to me.

    -It is a glorified way of registering for cash, which MANY guests will have given regardless of the registry.

    -If I want to give cash, I can just do so, then you are free to spend it however you choose.  There is no need to register for it.  Everyone knows that people like cash.

    -Service fees.  Many sites charge a fee to use either credit or paypal.  Which most folks are likely to do if buying over the internet.  I’d rather give someone a check for $100, then have them get my honeyfund gift of $96.25 under the guise of “Candle light dinner”.

    -If I am so set on giving someone honeymoon related items I can just write in the card, I hope you use this money to go to the Moulin Rouge while in Paris.

    -Did I mention that you are registering for CASHWink (Yeah, that is my biggest beef with it)

    Post # 12
    Member
    13014 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @WoodenShoes:  I guess my argument is that the point of registering (traditionally) is to help the couple build their new home together with things that they need.  You don’t need a honeymoon, even though they’re really nice.  But like I said, that’s how my circle does it, and I was explaining how my circle perceives these.  You may also note I said that it depends on your specific circle.  If the OP asks for opinions, I’m going to say I think that honeymoon registries are rude, mostly for the reasons that andielovesj already stated.

    @LauraFaye4411:  This is basically what I said.  That you should give people the option by having both a traditional registry and a honeymoon fund, if you choose to do a Honeymoon registry.
     

    Post # 13
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think it’s rude to ask people to pay for gifts you don’t need or want. Asking for a gift is asking for a gift…monetary or otherwise. I don’t think you can say it’s more rude to ask for cash than it is to ask for a kitchen appliance. Just register for the things you would really like/need and if people take issue then they need not get you anything or can spitefully waste money on something you don’t want.

    Post # 14
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My fiance and I have two regular registries with the few items that we still need for our home (some nicer towels, a nice dish set, and stuff along those lines) and a honeymoon registry. We would not have been able to completely fill up traditional registries with enough items for all of our guests due to already living together for a few years now and having pretty much everything that we need for our household.

    The honeymoon registry has been a big hit with friends and family thus far! We’ve earned about $500 to put towards our honeymoon which will be absolutely wonderful and our guests have gotten a kick out of using it and picking out the “fun” stuff to get us off of it first. We will be using that money to go towards exactly what our friends and family purchase for us off of the honeymoon registry and are planning on sharing pictures of those activities with the people who purchased them for us after we return from the honeymoon. I haven’t heard anyone mention that they find it rude in our circle of friends and family. And just in case it is an issue for some folks, that is why we have the other, more traditional registries. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with giving people options so I say go for having both, OP. 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee

    @andielovesj:  I agree with everything here too.  I’m not a fan of HR for all of those reasons.  I guess it will depend a lot on your guests though, they might not care.

    Could you just keep your registry small, people will assume that you want cash then.  Then they can give you a check directly instead of going through a service.

    The topic ‘honeymoon fund and gift registry?’ is closed to new replies.

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