(Closed) honeymoon fund and gift registry?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should we set up our wedding registry?

    Kitchen and honeymoon registry together.

    Honeymoon registries are tacky, kitchen registry only.

    Can't have both, choose one or the other.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

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    @andielovesj:  Actually, not all honeymoon registries just give you cash. I am registered with Sandals, and they have the option to buy excursions on the registry. They do not give you cash for the value of the excursion, but actually make you book it. Here’s what it says in the fine print under the excursion:

    After this gift has been purchased from your gift registry, you will be notified via email. At that time, you may contact our reservations department who will assist you with the scheduling of this gift. Item must be purchased and booked no later than 4 days prior to your arrival date. If at the time of booking you are unable to confirm a specific time or for any reason unable to participate, you will be issued an e-tour voucher to be redeemed for any tour of the same value.”

    Post # 18
    Member
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee

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    @Bichon Frise:  I think that is the exception then, most work the other way.

    Post # 19
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Good topic! Good discussion!

    My Fiance and I are having a Crate and Barrell, Bed/bath/beyond, and Honeyfund registries. We are combining households and have a lot of “stuff” but our parents insisted that we igive guests options to buy us “newer and nicer” things than what we have been toting around since college and grad school.

    That being said, this past July, I saw a honeymoon registry for the first time on my friend’s wedding website and thought it was the CUTEST thing ever. I contributed towards “snorkel lessons” for their FIJI vacation.

    I recently showed our own Honeyfund registry to my mom and she, a retired teacher, also thought it was the cutest thing – especially with the icons you can choose for the website.

    I think it all depends on the couple and what options you want to give guests. In this technology age, my 20- and 30-something friends love cute online stuff and my parents’ older friends like going to department stores and using their Macy’s card….Everyone is different.

    In my circle of friends / family, the Honeyfund is relatively new to them, so they haven’t had a chance to think about being offended by it. The website is cute enough that they say “awww…how cute” before they say “oh no she didn’t!”

    🙂

     

    Post # 20
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    @andielovesj:  yeah I think it stinks that the sites charge a fee to process everything when people are essentially registering for cash. But the fact of the matter is, asking for money is the only way to guarantee that people give you money (and sometimes they still want to give you gifts and will give gifts you haven’t asked for!) Until it’s socially acceptable for people to straight up ask for money, there are going to be these third party websites that make a profit for the sake of (outdated) etiquette.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3696 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think giving your guests options are good.

    An important thing to remember about registries (traditional, honeymoon, or any other kind) is that they are only suggestions. Guests are always free to give any gift of their choosing – or no gift at all. Registries came about (supposedly, anyway) as a “courtesy to the guests” to help them find a gift they could be confident the couple would like (but it sure didn’t hurt that they were a huge money-maker for the stores!). My biggest beef with them is the sense of entitlement they sometimes create: whenever a bride/couple complains, “We didn’t get everything off our registry” and/or “People gave us things we didn’t register for,” – yeah? And? You were never guaranteed to get everything you registered for. (As a kid, did Santa give you everything on your list? If so, you were the exception …) And your guests never signed a contract to limit their gift options to the parameters you prescribed.

    *Getting down off soapbox.* Okay, all ranting aside – I do think it’s a nice idea to give your guests the option of a honeymoon registry (because some people really like to do that and think it’s great and practical and a nice new way of giving something they know the couple will want and use) and a more traditional registry for guests who prefer something like that.

    Fiance and I also took a few “tactical measures” re. the registry. We don’t need a whole lot of stuff, but we could use a couple of bigger-ticket items that we would never expect any single guest to get for us (i.e. a mattress and box spring). So, we registered at stores that also sell some of the larger items we’re hoping to be able to get, and we “padded” the registry with a handful of things that would be affordable gifts for guests to purchase but that, if we receive them, we intend to return for store credit to put toward one of these bigger purchases. Yes, it feels a bit cynical to do that. But, as my recently-married sister pointed out, you’re inevitably going to be given some gifts you don’t really want/need. This maximizes the possibility of parlaying those into something you do want and will use.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2703 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @andielovesj:  <– THIS!  The issue I have with Honeymoon registries is that you don’t actually get a certificate for a spa day or snorkle lessons  – you get one big check at the end (usually minus some fee).  And as PP pointed out, most guests don’t know that so it’s a bit deceiving.

    Now if, as

    View original reply
    @Bichon Frise:  mentioned, you register through a specific resort and you actually get a voucher for an excursion or something, then I think that’s totally fine.

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’m going to chime in here: I’m of the opinion that ALL wedding registries are rude.  This is a very old fashioned position on the modern registry, but you have posted in the etiquette section.

    Etiquette = traditional… and the traditional registry was set up for a bride’s personal use.  It was a list of items required for the household to properly host guests.  (That’s why dinnerware, kitchen ware and linens are traditional registry items.)  The bride would establish this list of items with the intention of buying the items herself as she was able.  Wedding guests would find out with which stores the bride kept her registries and buy items from her list… But the guests found out, the bride did not share this information.  And the registries were not established as a “please buy me these things” list… which is what most modern registries are.  And that’s why I find them rude.

    But…  many guests will ask about your registry and be confused if you don’t have one.  A list of kitchen items that you plan to purchase to upgrade your kitchen in the next few years, and you happen to share with wedding guests who ask for the information is about as traditional as most registries get these days.

    Honeymoon registries are not traditional, and they do rub a lot of people the wrong way, so if you don’t need much in the way of household items it’s more acceptable to discreetly inform your mother and Maid/Matron of Honor (and let your FH tell his mom) that you have pretty much set up your home and if any guests ask about gifts other than the kitchen registry or if they inquire about cash gifts, to please let them know you are saving up for a honeymoon trip. – This is less likely to offend anyone who doesn’t care for honeymoon registries, but will also let guests know that you are open to cash gifts (i.e. you won’t find them impersonal) and what you would do with cash received.

    Post # 24
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We ended up going with two completely different registries to give people options — Bed, Bath, and Beyond and a small Royal Caribbean honeymoon registry. 

    I have mixed feelings with it comes to Honeymoon registries…and Fiance and I debated this and also spoke to our parents about it.  It came down to I didn’t want to set up a registry that asks guests to fund our honeymoon.  We paid for the cruise and transportation to/from, etc. ourselves.  The Honeymoon registry we set up is only for extras — an upgraded dinner one night, a wedding cake in our stateroom, decorations in our room, a bottle of wine, etc. 

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    1479 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I personally think you know your guests best, so you will know how this will go over with them. I would ask your mom, grandma, etc. their opinion- if they find it cute and a wonderful idea, go for it. If they have a problem with it, then don’t do one- after all, a good number of your guests will probably be older family members and your parent’s friends. I personally can’t stand honeymoon registries- I don’t find them cute or fun, and it’s for all of the reasons andielovesj put above.I don’t think traditional gift registries are the same as honeymoon registries at ALL. A new couple needs towels, sheets, dishes etc to start their life together- they do not necessarily need a vacation after the wedding. Besides, the honeymoon has traditionally been something that the bride and groom pay for themselves, so it seems sad and silly to try to pass that cost along to your guests.

    However, if you MUST have a honeymoon registry, please, please- have a kick ass wedding with an open bar. Don’t make your guests pay for your vacation and a party that they are a guest at, or you’ll look like a cheapskate.

    Post # 26
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

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    @andielovesj:  Haha yes, yes, yes!

    Post # 27
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

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    @andielovesj:  I think this is the first time that Ive seen this fully explained on the bee. Kudos! I don’t think most people know this, so it’s awesome that someone finally broke it down. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    There is lots of debate around here about Honeymoon registries. I did both a regular one and a Honeyfund and it worked out great, in fact our friends and family loved the Honeyfund and we got a lot of contributions to it. I also made sure that I used the money for everything that was paid for and sent people pictures of us on our excursion in the thank you cards.
    In the end it’s really going to depend on your guests, but I find having both is a good way to go.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1733 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @wildcatjack:  They wouldn’t exsist if people didn’t use them I don’t understand why they are considered tacky go for it!

    Post # 30
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    To me all registries are asking for cash…it’s just done in different ways…

    My mom ran into a situation a few years ago where her best friend’s daughter ended up returning a bunch of her bridal shower items because she wanted cash, but knew she wouldn’t get cash at a bridal shower. 

    Only, she screwed up and returned them as registry items and they ended up going back onto the registry…so when I went to buy her a wedding gift I noticed that the gift my mom bought her was showing as unfullfilled on the registry, when previously it had shown as fullfilled…my mom’s best friend was mortified and had to apologize to a couple of guests who had their gifts returned but had received Thank You notes from the bride stating how she was enjoying using the panini maker (etc) the she had returned days after the shower.

    Post # 31
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @andielovesj:  You laid it all out better than I ever could myself.

    My Fiance and I have been living together for 3 years.  Do we ‘need’ household items?  Not necessarily.  But most of our stuff are hand-me-downs and random gifts rather than cohesive items that we have really thought out when planning a future home.  A gift registry allows our guests to pick things they know we will like, and we will think of them whenever we use our dishes or our table cloth or what have you.

    Of course it is never ok to ASK for gifts, which is why any registry info should not go in a wedding invitation.  But people will want to give gifts, and they will ask you or your parents where you are registered.

    The topic ‘honeymoon fund and gift registry?’ is closed to new replies.

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