(Closed) Honeymoon fund instead of registry?

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

There’s quite a bit of discussion about this in similar threads. I recommend reading through those. Ultimately, it boils down to this – many people think it’s rude, many people say do as you please. I think you should make one if that’s what you prefer. It’s your wedding, after all.

Post # 3
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You’re going to get a lot of mixed reviews here…

The idea of giving gifts for a wedding was traditionally to help the new couple set up their home rather than take a vacation. Since many modern couples are now fully set-up in their homes, “presentation only” has become more popular in several areas. This tends to be a bit more of an elegant way of saying cash only please while the older generation can still thinking that their gift is helping you set-up house. You don’t have to have a registry at all.

As a wedding guest, I wouldn’t really love to give to a honeymoon fund. I would probably just give cash, and then the couple can do what they wish with my gift.

Post # 4
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

I vote no.

In your friends example, her guests did not actually buy anything.  Instead what happened was that they “bought” a romantic dinner and then a check, minus a fee, was sent to the couple.  And if the couple went on their Honeymoon right after their wedding and this gift was a wedding present, then they may or may not have gotten that check before they left for their Honeymoon.  Very rarely can you find a Honeymoon registry that the guest can actually buy and book an excursion or dinner or what have you on the couples behalf.

If you do not need anything, then just don’t register.  People know that money is a great gift.

Post # 5
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Also a no here. But I’m just not a fan of honeymoon registries. Besides, people give what they like. My case it as usually money. I did get gifts I didn’t even register (nor would like)

Post # 6
111 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
bazzi:  I personally love seeing the honeymoon fund option because I know for a fact that my gift will be useful to the new couple one way or another. However, like others have mentioned you might get some negative reviews here. Just do whatever feels right for you. I think airfares or honeymoon funds are great options for guests. 

Post # 7
30 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

Everyone in my family thought it was so cool when my cousin did it … Nothing but positive reactions and we have quite the judgy ones sometimes… To each her own, I say go for it if you want. 

Post # 8
47427 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If I am going to give you cash, I would do it privately rather than have a website take a commission.

Post # 9
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it’s fine. Generally, I find something on a registry that is the amount I want to spend – so whether it’s china or a massage, I don’t really care.

I would NOT suggest to not have any kind of registry. Sure, you’ll get cash, but you will also get a lot of random crap that you don’t want or need.

Maybe you can do a small regsitry with home goods or whathever in addition to the honeymoon registry – that way people have options.

Post # 10
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Giant caveat: What I am about to say is my personal view and only applies to those popular honeymoon registries that are only giving the couple a check and are not actually procuring experiences, dinners, etc. 

ETA: Let the record show (and this can be backed up by an examination of my post history) that I am uncomfortable with registries of all sorts.

Lots of people give cash for a wedding, but some people are quite uncomfortable with that.  But, as we have seen time and time again via various threads on this website, there are many couples who feel entitled to dictate not just that their guests get them a gift, but that they get them a certain type of gift–and these are usually couples who want cash.  To my mind, the honeymoon registry is something that has come about to help those who want to demand cash but realize that they cannot bluntly state this.

Those people who give cash to the couple do so in such a way that no one is charged any sort of handling fee of any sort.  However, most honeymoon registries charge some sort of fee (the couple will often pay, but still…) or only waive these fees if you give a check or cash to a couple directly (and I have yet to have someone explain to me how giving a check with a cheesy printed off “honeymoon registry” certificate is better than just writing a check).  Thus we can assume that the honeymoon registry isn’t set up for those peole who were going to give cash anyway, because it would be illogical to redirect those people to the honeymoon registry website and risk potentially having to pay fees to get money you would have gotten anyway.  (Let’s face it, almost no one cares if a check does or does not have a “oooh, scuba diving!” certificate from TravelersJoy along with it since no scuba diving excursion has actually been reserved.)

So, we can only assume that honeymoon registries are an attempt to lead (in my meaner moods, I might say “trick”) those guests who are not comfortable giving cash and prefer more tangible gifts into giving cash by playing fast and loose with the truth and making those guests believe that they are actually purchasing an experience or part of an experience when, in most cases, they are just contributing to a check that the couple may, in fact, use for whatever they want (there is no requirement to use it for the specified experiences or even for a honeymoon at all).

I just find that to be rather distasteful. 

Post # 11
1546 posts
Bumble bee

I like them. Its 2016 and most people live together before getting married now. I would rather buy someone something they actually want rather than another ‘toaster’ or ‘bed sheets’ that they dont need. Do research though and find a site that doesnt take commission. 

Post # 12
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
bazzi:  I would just not register anywhere. Most people in that situation will give cash which you can use towards your honeymoon if you want. We got mostly cash or gift cards. Most of the cash went towards our honeymoon.

Post # 13
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Theres like a thread on this topic every other day….

Post # 14
1243 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
bazzi:  If I want to give the couple cash, I’d rather write a check than give it to a site that requires my personal information, then collects a fee, etc. I’m not a fan of these sites and find them distasteful.

Post # 15
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Again, are people missing the point that when you “buy” something off of these sites that you aren’t actually purchasing anything?  All you are doing is going through a third party to get a check sent to the couple.  Nothing has actually been purchased or booked.

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