Post # 1
I need your advice. My Fiance is keen to ask for money on our wedding website in lieu of gifts from a tratitional wedding registry. I, on the other hand find this a bit tacky and distasteful even though we politely worded and explained this preference for cash over gifts. The link to this cash registry goes straight to paypal which makes it even worse, and very embarrassing to me.
We have been living together for two years in a newly built home now and have everything we need. So I understand his logic. I just do not think our wedding website should be used to raise money to afford an expensive honeymoon trip.
We will be going to the Galapagos Islands – which makes me feel even more uncomfortable since our guests will know we are expecting them to be quite generous even after they fly across Canada to share the joys of our wedding day with us. If it were Cuba, I might not be as bothered by it
Have any of you used PayPal for their wedding registry (i cringe just typing it) or a honeymoon registry website? How did you guest take it?
I am considering asking for absolutely nothing now and going somewhere affordable which is probably the heart of the issue in the first place. The website has not been shared yet so there is time to make changes.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 2
Very tacky. I too cringed when you said the link goes direct to a paypal site =\
My husband and I also lived together for a few years and had everything we needed. We didn’t register, and received only 2 physical gifts. The rest was cash/cheque. Everyone knows cash is a good gift. If anyone asks where you are registered you can just say you’re saving up for a honeymoon (or just say you arent registered) and then move on.
Post # 3
I think I just wouldn’t register at all and hope that people take the hint and give you cash/checks. You could also do a honeymoon fund – I know those are controversial on this website, but I think it’s not quite as tacky as a link to your Paypal.
Post # 4
Nothing, don’t register don’t do a honeyfund, that’s tacky AF.
Your guests shouldn’t be paying for your honeymoon, that’s on you.
We didn’t register and out of our 180 guests only ONE brought an actual gift. The rest gave money.
Post # 5
There is no polite way to word it.
Post # 6
In your case I agree it would be best to skip the registry or do a small registry of things you’d like to upgrade.
I find honeymoon funds tacky, but I also agree that it is better than a link to paypal. Another thing you might consider is a registry site like Zola where you can set up a honeymoon fund and register for other intangible gifts — like classes you can take together, wine of the month clubs, charitable contributions, etc. I’d find a mix of options like this less off-putting than the implication that you only want money.
Post # 7
orchidee : “I am considering asking for absolutely nothing now and going somewhere affordable” — This. I support this. Are you saying that if your guests don’t pay for the honeymoon, you can’t afford the trip to Galapagos? Because if that’s the case, I think it’s even worse. That’s like going out to dinner with a friend and ordering a burger, then when they offer to treat, you say “oh, well in that case I’ll take the lobster!” Your instinct is correct here, and your fiance is misguided. This is a hill I would die on. There is no way I would allow my name to be on a website directing guests to a paypay account.
Post # 8
Definitely don’t ask for cash.
Can any of the other Bees explain why honeymoon funds are thought of as tacky? I’ve seen them a few times and didn’t think anything of them. Would love to know what others’ thoughts are on them.
Post # 9
I didn’t have a registry because we had been living together for 4+ years and had pretty much everything we needed. Since there was no registry literally every guest came with a check. I think it’s what most people do when there is no registry. Obviously money is nice and I was very, very grateful for it and it’s what I wanted but I would have felt very weird asking for it.
Post # 10
I generally do not enjoy honeymoon funds. I do not want to pay for your honeymoon. I am a guest at your wedding. I will give you a gift of cash or a household item to help you start your lives together. Begging for money so you can enjoy a fabulous holiday which many of your guests are unlikely to be able to afford for themselves is beyond tacky.
Post # 11
Even if you choose to be rude and have a honeyfund, I hope you don’t expect your guests to fund the entire thing…because that laughable at best. And I guarantee they won’t give more because you are choosing to go to a more expensive destination…
Post # 12
I don’t need to be told cash is a good gift. I, and bsaically every person on the planet, know that people like receiving cash. Have a small registry, or none at all, and people will get the hint that you want cash.
But don’t expect your guests to finance your honeymoon, either.
Post # 13
Agree with others saying don’t register, I didn’t and 99% of the gifts we got where cash/cheque
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Agree with others — no registry, no paypal (omg), no honeymoon fund, no cash request… Just don’t ask for anything.
Most people will give you cash anyway, it’s not worth the shame.
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
bostonbee2018 : the issue with honeyfunds is that the site you use takes a cut. So if I give you $200, the site takes $10 of that and you only get $190. I’d much rather give you a cheque for $200 or cash, then you get it all. Plus asking for money (in any form) is tacky.
orchidee : your gut feeling is right on. Asking for money or providing a link to PayPal is tacky as hell – if you want money, just don’t register. People will get the message and give you cash without you asking for money. We didn’t register and while we did get a few boxed gifts (new dinnerware, a really nice crystal bowl which we use as a fruit bowl, a few other things), the vast majority gave us cash.