(Closed) Honeymoon Registry… Smart or Tacky?

posted 5 years ago in August 2013
Post # 3
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am a huge fan of honeymoon registries. We did one through Wanderable for our wedding shower and we are doing it again for our wedding in June. I don’t understand what the issue is…traditional registries are basically just asking people for money too! Except that money they spend will likely find its way at your garage sale in a few years. At least with a honeymoon registry people are buying you an experience that you will never forget and will have the pictures to remember it by! So I really wouldn’t listen to any of the critics. Honeymoon registries are modern and in a few years they will be so popular that people wont understand why they ever had a problem 🙂

Post # 4
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think that this whole “asking for money is tacky” thing is really stupid. You can ask for gifts, but not money. What? What’s the difference? Oh… money is easier you say? Huh… lol. I was told by someone on here that back in the day, women used to just have registries at their favorite stores, so having a registry wasn’t like “asking/expecting someone to bring you a gift”. I don’t know if that’s true because I never researched it but… nobody does that anymore anyway. People ONLY make registries for gifts for weddings/showers. It’s exactly the same thing.

I’m sure that some people will be offended or think it’s tacky, because people get offended over dumb things. Anyone who is very “traditional” minded might be offended by this. My mom has also advised me that “guests aren’t supposed to pay for your honeymoon, and you’re not supposed to ask for money; it’s considered rude.” But… why not? If they’re giving gifts I don’t want, why not pay for something I do want? The money goes either way.

I asked her why. She just shrugged and said that’s just how it’s always been. Imo, that’s always the worst reason ever. lol She eventually agreed, after I listed a whole bunch of reasons that it really just made no sense at all.  

But like you said… you have things. So… you might as well either risk it, or have junk you don’t need. lol 

My brother did it. They mostly got cash I think, but… it was there.They did a tiny registry and a honeymoon registry. But it wasn’t really listed anywhere, and nobody really told anyone about any of them… my mom didn’t know about them. I think they ended up getting money, but I’m not sure.

We were told by the guy at our venue that if you don’t have a registry, people just give you money, and that they tend to give you more money than an item would cost because it looks worse to give a lesser check amount. He’s in the business so… we’re inclined to trust him but… I don’t really know. I think it might depend on the generation and area. My mom’s cousin bought my brother and SIL a huge pot/pan set that they totally didn’t need (they’re living with SILs mom). So… I’ve been afraid that if we have no registry, people will just buy us whatever they feel like, that we’re sure to dislike.

 

Tl;dr

Yes, some people will probably be offended, but it doesn’t make sense because money is money, so I say let them be offended if that’s what they want. haha. If people have no reason to be offended, I try not to worry about it because they’re getting upset over nothing at all, just because they didn’t bother thinking about it. Even when I’ve tried rational explanation, they just still are offended. You can’t prevent/stop it. o_O Plus, I think it would primarily be your next-up generation and more traditional-minded guests, which probably narrows that list down somewhat. 

You have no need for stuff, so I say either do a honeymoon registry, or (as per suggestion of that venue guy) do no registry, and supposedly you’d just get money. Which is as good or better than asking guests pay for a honeymoon. 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Every wedding that my fiancé & I have been to this past summer had gift registry, a wishing well & a honeymoon registry! I muat say, I liked the honeymoon one because at least whenever they think about the good things on their trip they remember you as well. For example, my fiancé’s friend from college had different activities & events that you can pay for via web so we bought them a bottomless champagne gourmet brunch. They loved it! Now they will have that memory forever! They also lived together for 2yrs prior to tying the knot so they had every household item that they needed anyway. I think its pure genius! 

Post # 6
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am offended by a honeymoon registry and will never purchase anything from one on principle. Set up a common registry (BB&B, Crate & Barrel, etc) with the few things you do need and nothing else. Like magic, guests will give you cash. If you think it is likely that you will end up with 24 crystal vases without gift receipts, BB&B has a little known policy- they will give cash for all returns. 

Post # 7
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This wouldn’t bother me.

Post # 8
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

my SO and i have travelled extensively, and everyone who knows us knows that travelling is our passion. we will absolutely have a honeymoon registry, and we will also have a traditional registry. That way people can choose which they would prefer. If you have a wedding website, maybe explain the idea behind it.

something like, ‘FI and i are fortunate enough to have most of traditional registry items, but we have always dreamed of a trip to ______. the honeymoon registry is a fun way to involve the people we love in our honeymoon and create lasting memories…blah blah blah.’

that way, no one should be offended – and if they don’t want to use the honeymoon registry, they can buy you new (better! cushier!) pottery barn towels or whatever. just because you already have something doesn’t mean you can’t register for an upgrade! ha!

Post # 9
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

also – i just have to say that as a guest me buying you a blender is ridiculously boring and a year on, i will forget what i got you. but if i bought you ‘bike tour around paris’ or ‘hawaiian luau on the beach’ i would be SUPER excited for you to receive it and i would always remember that!

Post # 10
Member
12956 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Personally, I am very traditional and I don’t like the idea of a honeymoon registry.  I am happy to give you a cash/monetary gift that you opt to use for your honeymoon (or rent, or towels, or house downpayment, or whatever else you deem fit), but I personally will not donate to a honeymoon registry.  I understand why they’re getting to be more acceptable, but in my head, it is still asking for money, and I just can’t wrap my head around that being acceptable.  Again, I know all the reasons for and I understand them, but being very old-fashioned/traditional, I’m not a fan.

That being said, if you opt to have a Honeymoon fund, I think you should have a smaller traditional registry so people like me have ideas if they don’t want to contribute to the Honeymoon fund. 

ETA: I’m in the same situation as you – Fiance and I have lived together for nearly 3 years and we have all the necessities.  We are registering for upgrades, and my family tends to give monetary gifts at weddings, anyway.

Post # 11
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

For those who say they are “offended” by a honeymoon registry, I really don’t understand.

Why do you – as a guest – care if you spend $50 on a couple of towels or $50 buying your friend something they have requested for the honeymoon? As a PP said, an adventure like swimming with dolphins in the Bahamas is going to be much more memorable than a set of bed sheets.

The monetary impact is the same for you, no matter what. So why would you deprive the bride/groom of receiving what they actually want? All so you can buy them a casserole dish? After all, you are a guest at their wedding…wouldn’t you want to express your gratitude by giving them something they actually want? After all, why would anyone insist on buying the bride and groom a “traditional” gift that they don’t even want? This day and age, pretty much everyone co-habitates before marriage…so they already have toasters and blenders.

Maybe it has to do with the passion for travel. I have it. My Fiance has it. We travel all the time. We live abroad right now. We know we will move again…and again…and again…to other places and other countries! And even if we didn’t lead an international lifestyle, I would still rather have my friend’s hard earned money put toward traveling and seeing the world than something that will stay under my kitchen cupboard until the rare occasion that I actually feel like cooking!

Moral of the story: Their wedding, their wishes.

Post # 12
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think asking for money is tacky. You don’t have to register for dishes, you can register for updated furniture, a nice ladder, formal diningwear tables, sporting goods, hobbiest supplies, dance classes, date nights, clothes, updated appliances…

Heck target.com even lets you register for groceries and household goodies.

 

I also live with my partner so our regsitry is the cookware we always wanted but never wanted to buy, luggage, and office furniture since our new how has a beautiful office space. You don’t have to fill up the registry people will buy you things that aren’t on the registry anyway. Also you can put stuff that you want to use for the wedding in there.

 

Every wedding that asks for money, we give 20-$50 depending on how they asked for money when we would have been happy and willing to pay much more for an item the couple wanted.

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you don’t want to make a registry, don’t make one and people will just surprise you with marriage-warming gifts and cash at their own disgression.

 

How about wall art and room accessories to get your home looking inviting and HGTV magazine cover worthy

Post # 14
Member
12956 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SupermarketGirl:  The monetary impact is the same for you, no matter what. So why would you deprive the bride/groom of receiving what they actually want?

As I said in my post, I will give a monetary gift and they can do what they want, but I personally believe asking for money is inappropriate.  I’m not depriving them – they can apply my check to swimming with dolphins, because I have no say in how the money is spent, and I don’t want a say in it, either.  I’m not purchasing them something they don’t want or need, I am simply writing a check.  It all has to do with my personal feelings that a honeymoon fund is a bit rude; but, as I have said repeatedly in this, and my prior post, this is a personal opinion.

Post # 15
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you don’t want to make a registry, don’t make one and people will just surprise you with marriage-warming gifts and cash at their own disgression.

When people give cash they know their gift can be directly compared to someone elses. When people give gifts they can give you opportunities to use that item which feels less judgmental because it was something you wanted or something they thought you would like. If anything you can make a target registry, return all of your gifts for a giftcard and use the money on groceries while you use your earned money on the honeymoon. If I can’t afford to give you $100 then I will feel bad when I give you $20 knowing that Aunt Sue is probobly giving you $1000. Then the “she didn’t even give enough to pay for her plate of food!,” “I know lucy just got that rave, look babe $30!!,” “Grandma sall gave us $500 doesn’t she need that to pay for her meds!” thing comes up and it’s a slippery uncomfortable slope to get on.

I wouldn’t want to be in that situation where I feel that my gift is less significant than anothers.

 

Post # 16
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I wouldn’t mind at all.  However, those companies do take a certain cut out of your total money.  We hope for mostly monetary gifts, but I think we’ll just have a small registry and have our parents spread the word that money is much appreciated as well.

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