(Closed) honeymoon registry… tacky?

posted 7 years ago in Honeymoons
  • poll: What do you think of honeymoon registries?

    A great idea for a dream honeymoon!

    Tacky (please explain why)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I don’t mind giving a cash gift over a boxed gift, but I will not contribute to a honeymoon fund.  Unless you find a site that doesn’t take a transaction fee I would just give a cheque for the amount I would have contributed to the honeymoon fund.  I don’t agree with a website taking a cut of the gift (or the couple choosing to cover the fees) when I could just give a cash gift and all of it goes to the couple and not some middle man.

    Post # 18
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Jellyfish, Punta Cana DR

    @Sugarbee711:  I am in the same boat! Fiance and I have been together for 5 years and have a 2 year old. We own an home and have everything we need (in some cases, multiples).

    On our websited, we worded the request like this (So far, everyone loves the idea):

    Our Registry

    Because we have already built our nest, help with our honeymoon will most likely be best!!!!

    If you are traveling with us for our wedding, your presence is the absolute best gift we could ever ask for. Some of our friends are unable to go and have asked how they could help, so we’ve created a fun honeymoon registry to give ideas on ways we would love to enhance the most important trip of our lives. We are grateful to be surrounded by such wonderful people, and we cannot wait to celebrate with you all.

    We are registered at     HONEYFUND.COM

    http://www.honeyfund.com/wedding/

    While gifts are welcome they are not required, please do not bring large gifts to the wedding. We’re sure you can use that extra luggage space for that extra swimsuit anyway 😉

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would prefer to give a cash gift or, if a couple happens to be honeymooning in one of my familiar haunts, to arrange and pay for an elite dinner or excursion at a place whose quality I can personally attest to.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We did a honeymoon registry but it was through the resort and we did not ask for cash. We registered for different excursions..it worked out well!

    Post # 22
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2006

    I say go for it! I have never purchased anythione from one, but have considered it.  The only downside I’ve heard of is that the website takes a percentage, so you won’t get the whole amount, but that’s only a downside for you, not for a guest.  I love to give people gifts I know they’ll really use and enjoy (which is why I’ve never bought anyone china), so I like the idea of gifting someone a fun experience.

    Post # 23
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m just going to copy a post I made awhile back about our honeymoon registry experience:

    Hello! Well we got married 3 weeks ago and are looking forward to our honeymoon which will be in another month. We have lived together for 3 years and have tons of stuff. We both love to travel and our family and friends know this. We planned a kick ass honeymoon – 3 weeks safari in Africa! We know that not everyone likes honeymoon registries – and that’s fine! – so we also wanted to have a more traditional registry. So we decided to have a honeymoon registry, a BB&B registry and an Amazon registry.

    We invited 240 people (111 families). We had 150 attend the wedding. Breakdown of gifts (I promise I’m not gift obsessed. I’m Excell obsessed and want good records as I’m writing thank you notes):

    • 26 gave cash (total $3220)
    • 5 gave gift cards (total $200
    • 23 gave on the honeymoon registry (total $2501)
    • 5 bought off the BB&B registry
    • 2 bought off the Amazon registry (but amazing, probably the 2 things I wanted most!)
    • 9 bought off registry
    • 8 friendors who gifted services (2 officiants, ceremony music, decorations, hairdresser, hors d’oeuvres, bought my dress, bartending)

    So that’s a total of 78 gifts and 30% honeymoon registry.

    We used honeymoonpixie.com and were really happy with them. Here are some things that we did that I think helped make our honeymoon registry successful:

    • We realized that not everyone likes honeymoon registries – consider a traditional registry as well
    • We had enough money to pay for the honeymoon without getting any gifts – althought now we’ll enjoy some extras that were gifted
    • We chose to pay the site fees rather than have them paid by our guests
    • We downloaded specific pictures for each gift and wrote personal messages for each gift. This is key. It’s like making food sound yummy on a menu.
    • We included lots of fun activities – people like to gift fun things. Gifting a massage or camel safari is way more fun than gifting a plane ticket.
    • We made sure we had lots of gifts with a wide price point. I had everything from $5 cocktails on the beach to a $200 hot air balloon ride. One thing I found interesting was that many people bought multiple small gifts rather than 1 larger gift.
    • We split things up – You get to pick what you list as gifts and how much they cost and how many of them you want. Since most of our honeymoon is at all inclusives (they’re in the middle of nowhere so it’s the only real choice) and super expensive, I didn’t want to put just a few giant gifts. So I broke them down and assigned what I thought were reasonable prices. For instance: instead of $800 for a day at an all inclusive, I separated out the luxury tent for the night, a romantic dinner under the stars, a horseback safari and a trip to the local village. The key is that people want to buy you an experience. So long as you have that experience, the payment system doesn’t really matter. 
    • We are planning to take a bajillion pictures on the honeymoon and will take special care to get pictures of us doing each of the things we were gifted. We’re then going to send those pictures to the gift givers with a little summary of the trip and a thank you.

    If anyoneis interested in looking at our site it’s here: https://honeymoonpixie.com/couples/jenanddavid/

    Overall we had really really positive responses from people about how much they liked our honeymoon registy. I realize that people that don’t like it won’t say anything, but I still think it’s important to note how many people gifted through it and commented that they liked it. I was told many times that people liked it because they got to find out all about the honeymoon plans. I got many comments that people wanted to see pictures and hear stories. I think for many people (myself included) it is more personal than cash that ends up being used to pay for groceries but it’s practical and easy.

    Post # 24
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    @cologirl:  Because you are advertising your registries by word of mouth and have affordable items on your registries, I think two are fine in your case and it doesn’t seem presumptuous or greedy.  What turned me off about the wedding I mentioned in my previous post was that they ALSO had a honeyfund and more than half of the stuff on both registries were pretty high end items over $100. Reflecting back now, maybe the couple offered the honeyfund as an alternative to guests who were single and couldn’t afford a gift over $100, but it rubbed me the wrong way as all 3 registries were listed on the actual wedding invitation. I’m a waiting bee so I can’t speak from experience, but having roughly double the amount of items as the number of guests for a small wedding like yours seems ideal so that the last people who buy gifts still have options!

    Post # 25
    Member
    419 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    View original reply
    @missoptimism:  Thanks for your feedback! I was worried that we might seem greedy. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Sugarbee711:  I think honeymoon registries are great. I think some older, more traditional people (like my parents’ age) would find it tacky. I think most people would think it was a good idea- I wouldn’t want to get people stuff that would clutter their house just because people who are super into etiquette say that it’s the right thing to do. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    You’ll get really mixed thoughts on this, but we did a small Macy’s registry for those who preferred traditional registries and a really fun and specific honeyfund registry for our African Safari / trip to Zanzibar. We got great feedback from those who participated in the honeymoon registry, but guests like my mom hated the idea of it. 

    You know your guests best – if you think they’ll be fine with it, then go with the honeymoon registry, but I’d also have a small traditional registry as well. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    13539 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

     I think the idea is that anyone who is so well off that they need nothing for a new household can certainly be expected to fund their own honeymoon.  And that soliciting for gifts and certainly for money, which this is, is wrong.  

    http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-asking-for-money-for-honeymoon-costs-2

    Dear Miss Manners,

    We received an invitation to a wedding and reception that had a note on it stating that since they have been living in comfort for a while they didn’t need the normal gifts and came right out and asked for money to foot the bill for their honeymoon plans.

    We were shocked, having never before received such a thing. Are we in the dark or is this very, very tacky indeed? I might add that one of the couple is from another country and could this have been the way it is done in that country? Even then it seems so improper.

    Gentle Reader,

    It is supremely tacky for people living in comfort to go begging from their friends. But Miss Manners regrets to say that you do not have to look abroad to see where this now-common practice is coming from. It is rampant among Americans who allow their greed to destroy any dignity they may have had.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2359 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Just because you have everything you need for your home doesn’t mean you are well off.  I think that’s an unfair judgement.

    we chose a honeymoon fund because we have everything we need for our tiny apartment.  It took 4 years for us to accumulate our stuff.  A lot we got as gifts from other occasions and a lot we saved up and bought ourselves.   We also have no storage for anything extra.  

     

    Post # 30
    Member
    9126 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    For what it’s worth, I’ve donated to a few honeymoon registries and not minded in the slightest.  I’m 31 and do not come from an etiquette-heavy, clutch-my-pearls type background.  I think these are pretty common and accepted nowadays.  BUT – if you’re family and friends are more traditional, you might steer clear.  It really depends on your guests.

    View original reply
    @weddingmaven:  omg, I could hardly keep my eyes from rolling out of my head.  I understand that perspectives differ, but give me a break Miss Manners: It is rampant among Americans who allow their greed to destroy any dignity they may have had.

    Lol, hyperbole much?

    Post # 31
    Member
    2294 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Sugarbee711:  We had a small amazon registry and a honeymoon registry.  It worked well- we got mostly gifts from the honeymoon registry, along with a few from the amazon registry and a handful of checks.

    For us, we were in a similar situation as you. We don’t need to “upgrade” anything in our home, and my husbands parents have given us some of the more traditional wedding presents (Kitchenaid mixer, new dishes, food processor, etc) for varous birthdays and Christmases.  So we didn’t really feel the need to go crazy with a traditional registry.  We used the Amazon one for some smaller things, and then had our main honeymoon one.  We were VERY careful to only register for things we intended to do on our honeymoon.  This wasn’t about just getting cash.  If we weren’t going to do a character breakfast at Disney World, I wouldn’t have put it on our registry. We paid for most of our wedding and we wanted to take a really great honeymoon.  If a guest didn’t feel comfortable contributing to the honeymoon registry it was no problem.  

    I think it’s kind of silly that these registries are often considered so tacky, but just saying that you are saving for your honeymoon and expecting donations isn’t.  I can see how a honeymoon registry can be used improperly (say, if a couple doesn’t actually want the activiites and things they register for), but traditional registries can be misused too (like if a couple asks for gifts and then returns them all for cash or store credit).  The bottom line is that your guests will likely want to get you something special that YOU as a couple will love.  Whether that’s a set of crystal glasses or a kayaking excursion during your honeymoon shouldn’t matter.  I hadn’t heard of honeymoon registries until a friend’s wedding a few years ago.  It didn’t occur to me that it was tacky…I just thought it was a really neat way to give the couple a gift they’d treasure.  

    View original reply
    @weddingmaven:  I don’t think it’s necessarily about needing nothing new for a new household…many couples have been living together for some time and accumulate what they need during that time.  I’m not going to register for new silverware when we already have a perfectly good set. As for the soliciting for gifts…how is a traditional registry any less of a solicitation for gifts than a honeymoon one if the couple truly intends to use what they are given? 

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