Post # 1
Hi ladies (and gents!)
My best man (I am having a mixed-gender party) just dropped a bomb on me: He is planning to propose to his girlfriend of less than 6 months, and they’ve been talking about having THEIR wedding on the same date, in the same town, as MY wedding (8/31/14). He told me this “just to get it out there” and said “first things first, I need to propose and meet her parents!” This after he agreed to be my best man (and emcee) before he even started dating this girl. He said that nothing but nothing would get in the way of him being there on this day.
I am so conflicted and deeply upset. Apparently 8/31 is the day they met so they want to get married on that day, which I understand. But my fiancee and I met on 10/31 and couldn’t get an affordable venue on that day – so we moved the date, NBD. Our love is what matters, not our wedding anniversary matching up with the day we met. Am I insane?
Anyway, I told him to just let me know when they make a final decision so I can make the needed logistical adjustments – there’s really nothing else I can do, and I don’t want to be the person that goes, “No, you can’t have your wedding on the day you want.” It just sucks, and I am really feeling so sad and “friend-less” right now. Just wanted to vent somewhere to people that would understand this type of ridiculous wedding drama!
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
It’s disappointing that they would pick the same date but they have the right to pick whichever date they want and thankfully he has given you some warning so you can have a backup attendant or just go on without him. Five months is really a short engagement and after discussing it with their families and/or checking out vneues, they may not even be able to book that date.
Post # 3
ophelia69: No, you are not insane. Your best man is being ridiculous and inconsiderate. It’s one thing to decide that you just HAVE to have your wedding on some specific day because it’s “special” for whatever reason (which is a trend that I find stupid in and of itself), but it’s another thing entirely to decide that you HAVE to have your wedding on some specific “special” day that is ALREADY THE DAY YOU AGREED TO BE THE BEST MAN IN YOUR FRIEND’S WEDDING.
I mean, really. You can’t make this shit up.
I am sorry your friend is a jerk. Yes, you are right that you can’t tell him not to get married on your wedding day, but I would probably reconsider your friendship. Obviously it doesn’t mean that much to him. 🙁
Post # 4
If I were you, I would quietly start making backup plans now; you have a bit of time, and having backup plans makes everything smoother (emcee, speeches, etc).
After that, I would just wait until after they get engaged and you hear more about their plans; unless they’ve been planning before the engagement or will be having a pretty informal affair, its unlikely that they will want to try to pull off planning a wedding in such short time, and maybe they’ll wait until next year? Thinking abstractly, “getting married on the anniversary of our meeting!” sounds romantic, but the reality of planning and logistics and booking vendors will soon set in (unless they’re really really determined to get married on that date, and push ahead regardless).
But unless and until you hear otherwise, plan the logistics of how your wedding will proceed with or without your best man.
I’m sorry, this totally sucks and I would be pretty cheesed!
Post # 5
what a selfish prick. Yeah we all know it’s not your day only and they can have it when they want but man, if my best friend did that to me I’d be beyond pissed. He already gave his obligation to you and you even said no matter what he would be there. I’m sorry no best friend renigs on being 2 MAJOR parts of someone’s wedding like that. I’d have to rethink my friendship with someone that does that. Inconsiderate doesn’t even touch it. Wow. I’m so sorry he told you that.
On the other hand. He has a lot of things to prioritize first and i highly doubt once they start looking at venues and costs that they will be able to pull it off that quickly.
If I were you, I would definitely express your extreme disappointment of his incosideracy to him and that you thought you were better friends than that. Let him do his thing, have a back up plan. I bet he will end up being there in the long run though, once he gets things in motion.
(((((( BIG HUG )))) He sucks!
Post # 6
Is it possible he meant it as an april fools joke?
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
ophelia69: Nope, your not insane. That was a shitty thing of him to do. I’d kick him out of the wedding party for that even if he doesn’t end up having that date. He’s clearly insanely selfish and rude.
This might be a be harsh, but I’ve had a terrible day.
Post # 8
Assuming it’s not an April Fool’s joke like Celliaanne: suggests: you can’t stop him marrying on the same date, but that means he can’t be best man. Your wedding is almost 5 months away so there’s time to get a new Best Man. Also get your invitations out early so mutual friends are invited to yours first.
But hopefully the April Fools’ theory is correct, because it’s just a crazy and inconsiderate thing to do.
Post # 9
I don’t have much to say because I think you are doing the right thing by just asking him to let you know for sure. I would be disappointed and slightly hurt as well so vent away! I would personally send out Save-The-Date Cards or early invites to ensure that mutual friends make it to your wedding.
Post # 10
WTF is he thinking? If you guys are that close, wouldn’t he want to attend your wedding and vice versa? I don’t get it.
Post # 11
Sorry, but the whole “you can’t tell other people not to get married on your date” goes out of the window when they are in your wedding party IMO. He is being selfish and a jerk, why couldn’t he wait until the year after if it was that important to him? I mean it would probably be better for him to have that time.
I would drop him, regardless of what the outcome was. Bros before hoes! (no offence to the girl, I’m sure she’s lovely)
Post # 12
I just read this post to my boyfriend and all he had to say was “what a d*** move!”.
Let’s just hope some of these other ladies are right and that it’s just an April Fool’s joke. If not, I’m sorry you have to deal with this 🙁
Post # 13
UPDATES for all interested folks! This is the conversation I had with him yesterday via Google Chat (we were chatting about his plans to propose at the end of this month, I was helping him pick out some rings, etc.):
HIM: However, there is a slight snag that is really bugging us right now. And you’re not gonna like it. But I should at least get it out there. So we met exactly a year ago on Labor day weekend We keep on talking about “well, we could make it another time…” and then we keep coming back to Labor day as a time we can always remember as the time we became a couple… It’s just tough right now. Not sure what to do about that. Of course I have sworn to you that I’ll be there for your wedding. That’s really important to me. And you guys have been so super organized about your wedding and we are just kinda winging it. Anyway. I’m not sure what to think about that right now. We went out on a date to a big band show last night and we kept talking about how great it would be. But you’re my best friend. I couldnt forgive myself if Iwere to miss your wedding. I dunno. sucks I gotta figure it all out and fast though I mean I’m thinking like “maybe we wait a year for NEXT labor day..” But I don’t wanna put wedding strain on us. We both wanna get it done and be married. I understand if you hate me right now. I’m in a tough spot is all I’m saying. And yu guys have been planning yours forever and in such a pro way. We certainly aren’t completely set on labor day. Just a thought that keeps coming up.
ME: You should do what you feel is right for you guys AND I could NEVER hate you. Honestly, I would be pretty bummed out if you weren’t in (or at least AT) the wedding, plus I’d be extra-bummed if I didn’t get to go to yours – but I’m sure we’d all survive. Of course I want to try to convince you to choose another date, but I don’t want to influence your decision unduly – just figure it out and let me know as soon as you can so I can find a new emcee, figure out who is going to walk down the aisle with my fiancee’s best man and open up your and your ladyfriend’s spot to two other guests. Logistics and all that jazz. HIM: Definitely! You will be the 2nd person to know, after me. believe me, though, brockolicious. You are so important to me. These are these important moments in our lives, and it’s so necessary to be surrounded by the ones that truly love you the most. Like me! 🙂 Again, though I’ll keep yuo posted on everything Besides, first things first, I need to meet her folks!
SO! It really looks like it is not an April Fool’s Day joke. I am thinking of composing a nice email today saying basically, “Yo, I thought about it and it really sounds like your plans are up in the air. Obviously I want you to be there at my wedding, but I need someone who can commit to X, Y & Z for the big day best man duties – and I don’t want to burden you and your ladyfriend’s planning. So, I’m going to ask another friend to stand up for me on Aug. 31. I still hope you and ladyfriend will come, and of course want to be there for you on YOUR special day, so let me know as soon as you do what your plans are…” etc. As far as mutual friends go, there shouldn’t be a ton of overlap on our lists; but nevertheless our wedding invites have gone out already so if there is any overlap, everyone will get ours first. I actually need to ask him whether he got his – we sent them out last week and that may have been what prompted his “serious discussion” with me. What do you think? Should I just wait until he proposes and figures out his plans before “releasing” him from best man duties? Or just do it now?? I’m worried that if I wait, they still won’t nail down a date until god-knows-when and by then it will be too late to ask someone else!
Post # 14
ophelia69: I think you should wait (a reasonable period of time) to release him until after he tells you firm plans. If you release him now and they don’t plan for the same day, you will likely both feel terrible about the whole thing. Couldn’t hurt to wait a few weeks.