Post # 1
My ‘friend’ has appointed HERSELF to be an honorary bridesmaid.
I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid in the first place because she always finds an excuse when people need her help, but when she needs help she expects everyone to come running. She’s a very selfish person and I can’t take it.
She believes, truly, that she should be a bridesmaid because I was co-maid of honour at her wedding (begrudgingly).
She is also forcing my fiancée to have her husband as his honorary groomsmen! He doesn’t even like the guy.
What do I do? How do I tell her no?
Post # 2
Just tell her no. And don’t talk to her about the wedding.
Post # 3
She’s not forcing you or your fiance to do anything. Just tell her you’ve already chosen your bridal party.
Post # 4
Does she have a gun to your head?
Then she’s not forcing you to do shit…
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
“Hey, Friend. Hope you’re doing well. I’ve heard from X/I remember when you told me you were interested in being an “honorary bridesmaid”. Fiance and I appreciate your friendship and willingness to help, but for now we have the bridal party sorted, and we would love for you to participate in the wedding as a guest. If I need anything done, I will personally let you know. Thanks for understanding, talk to you soon.”
Post # 6
What even is an honorary bridesmaid?
It doesn’t even sound like you like this girl so why are you continuing with this relationship?
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
There’s no such thing as an honorary bridesmaid or groomsman. Tell her you appreciate her enthusiasm but you’ve already selected your wedding party. If she throws a tantrum, cut her off. Doesn’t seem like you’d be missing much if you stopped being friends with her.
Post # 8
This happened to me. A friend told everyone that she was an honorary bridesmaid for my wedding. She did this because we only had our siblings in our bridal party but she “knew” that I really wanted to choose her. I stopped talking to her about the wedding and did not include her in any bridal party activities. However, at my wedding, she took it upon herself to be “backstage” with the bridal party as we were about to start the processional. I had to tell her to sit down with the other guests. She wore a similar color dress to the female siblings in the bridal party because she had asked me early on what they were wearing. She told all of our mutual friends (friends who I actually would have picked for bridesmaids had we not gone the sibling route) that she was the honorary bridesmaid, causing confusion and massive eye rolling. And she told my photographer that she was supposed to get a photo with me because she’s “the honorary bridesmaid”. That among other obnoxious behavior she did leading up to the wedding and at the reception ended our friendship. You need to be clear with her about it now otherwise she will act out at your wedding.
Post # 9
First of all, I would just like to ask, how are you even still friends? It sounds like she irks you pretty badly.. not sure what value there is in a friendship like that, secondly… I would tell her straight up that you have your bridal party picked out and are not looking to add more at this time, but that you appreciate her enthusiasm. If she doesn’t get the hint then you’ll have to really lay it out for her buuuuuuut either way this is your wedding and your decision, she can’t force anything.
Post # 10
Nobody can force either of you to do anything. You put your big girl panties on and tell her you are not having any honorary members of your wedding party, you and your Fiance both stop discussing any wedding planning with her/him, and I’d probably just begin distancing myself from the relationship in general.
Post # 11
What even is an honorary bridesmaid? If she won’t be wearing the outfit/standing up the front/getting ready with you then she can call herself the Queen if she likes. I would just not discuss any bridesmaid plans with her. If she does want to do those things and be a real bridesmaid, you will have to tell her that choosing bridesmaids can be a tricky thing but you are firm in your choices and would like her to attend as a guest.
She may be feeling quite hurt if you were her maid of honour but she isn’t even your bridesmaid. If you do care about her then you may want to frame it gently and do something to let her know you do appreciate her friendship. It sort of sounds like you don’t even like her though in which case you don’t have anything to lose I guess.
Post # 12
If you dislike her is there a reason she’s still in your life? Like is this a family friend you have to keep the peace with? If there’s no reason you have to stay friends with her, I’d recommend just ending the friendship. If you need to keep the peace for some reason, just ignore her “honorary bridesmaid” comments – don’t share wedding details with her, don’t invite her to your bachelorette or anything like that, and don’t let her have a hand in planning anything. People will probably just think she’s nuts if she keeps saying she’s an honorary bridesmaid