Post # 1
I need some advice, fellow bees. My fiance and I have a 17 month old. Since we’ve already procreated before getting married, we felt like we didn’t have the time, money, or energy to put into planning a huge wedding ceremony, and the idea of having a simple, small wedding is ideal to us. We also had the most difficult time deciding on a wedding party, that we just decided to stick to family members. We plan to have a simple “reception” for all the friends and family in my hometown (some of my fiance’s family members plan to travel there for that as well).
Anyway, our officiant is strictly for 20 guests and under…that means we can only invite siblings, parents and grandparents. My sister and two younger future sister in-laws will be my bridesmaids. But my two best friends from my hometown don’t seem to be happy with this. I really want to include them, but I couldn’t invite them to the ceremony without also inviting other close family members (who, theorectically, should “pull rank” before the besties).
I really want them to feel like they’re a part of this celebration in some way or another, though. Could I make them “honorary” bridesmaids for the reception only, which will be held a month after the ceremony? Should I get them bridesmaid-like gifts and perhaps a handwritten note? What do you girls think?
Post # 3
It’s your ceremony. Do what you want. These family members that you say should “pull rank” before your friends, when was the last time you spoke to them? Are they close in the “we talk often” sense, or the “first cousin rather than second cousin” sense? Personally, I would be understanding if a family member I never talk to decided to invite their best friend over me!
ETA: Have you spoken to your friends on how they’d feel about being honorary bridesmaids at the reception? Or have you only told them they’re pretty much not invited to the ceremony?
Post # 4
I would thank them either privately or publicly in a speech maybe with a gift but I wouldn’t make them an honorary Bridesmaid or Best Man. It just seems too contrived for my tastes. Since there is no Bridesmaid or Best Man duties to be performed it just seems odd
Post # 5
Thank you both for your feedback.
I think the reason I’m having so much trouble with this is because the girls are my best friends, but since having the baby and moving a few hours away, we only keep in touch through texting, and I see them when I visit my parents once a month. They’ve never been up here to visit, and the reason I didn’t ask in the first place is that would require them to visit often, which I honestly don’t think they’d do.
What I really want is to invite just the two girls without any other implications, but that doesn’t seem possible. For instance, if I invite them, they’d both be bringing their significant others, and then my fiance’s friends would have to be invited with their significant others. And then the aunts and cousins I am close to in my family would also feel left out if they heard we invited friends to the ceremony.
Bottom line is that we’re already at our 20 person max for the officiant we hired. I have no problem finding another one (although it’s a bit of a time crunch) but that kind of defeats the “small ceremony” idea.
I apologize if this sounds completely whiney 🙁 We just wanted to stick to a smaller ceremony, and right now that means they can’t come.
Andie, I agree it does sound a bit odd, and I’ll make sure not to use the Bridesmaid or Best Man term.
Jumpthegun, I haven’t mentioned anything to them about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man for the reception. Do you, or anyone else reading, have any ideas on how I could incorporate them there, like what jobs to give them, or how to announce them?
Post # 6
@SoontobeSwift: What about a special mention in the speech? Or a corsage to wear on the day of?
Post # 7
I am a little confused why your officient has set a limit for the number of people that will be present in the ceremony.