Post # 1
S, I am contemplating having a candle in memory of my dad’s father at our wedding (my grandfather). I’m not sure if it would be appropriate or not since I have never met him, he died many years ago when my dad was in his early teens.
What are your thoughts? Would this just bring up unneccesary sadness? Should I just ask my dad about it first to see what he thinks and if he thinks it would be a nice guesture – I’m not sure if any of my cousins have done it at their weddings or not.
He is the only grandparent on either side no longer with us.
Should I feel for the thoughts of my dad and his side of the family first? Or would it not be appropirate since I never met him?
Seeking some thoughts.
(One kind of strange thought I have is that I am a very sentimental person and have been known to cry at funerals of people I have neer known as if they were a close relative. I am very easily "toched" by sweet things and am already concrened I will be crying too much on my wedding day – would the fact that I might get all owrked up about it be a selfish/silly reason not to do it?)
Thanks for you input! 🙂
Post # 3
I think if it feels important to you it’s definately something you should explore.
You probably want to think about what you know of your father’s relationship with his father, and, as you’ve indicated that he’s the only grandparent who’s no longer with you, I assume your grandmother will be there. Do you have any inclinations as to what she would think about it? If after giving thought to how they’d feel, and you feel positive about it, definately go ahead and talk to both your father and grandmother.
One other question- did your grandmother remarry? If so, what is your relationship with your step-grandfather, and what is your dad’s relationship with his step-father? I ask because both my parents lost their fathers at an early age, and both my grandmothers remarried before I was born. I’ve growing up knowing my step-grandfathers as my only grandfathers. While I have love for my biological grandfathers, it is very different, and more honorary, than the real love and relationships I have for the grandpas who I’ve known and have been there for me all my life.
If you have a similar situation you may want to think about not hurting a step-grandfather who probably thinks of you as his granddaughter.
Finally, I lost both my grandmothers a couple of years ago and I’m so sad that they never met my fiance and wont be able to see me get married. I’ve decided to do something that I’ve seen done quite a bit lately, which is attach small lockets with their photographs to the ribbon wrap on my bouquet. I may also print something about them in my program. Either way I know I’ll be carrying something of them with me the day I get married, but I don’t risk getting too weepy because it will be sweet and private- and only the people who it would matter most to, my grandmothers’ children and grandchildren, will know.
Perhaps a smaller tribute like this would work for you…