(Closed) Honoring Guests? Where Does it Stop?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What Should I Do to Honor Helpful Guests?
    Anyone who has helped in any way deserves a tangible gift : (4 votes)
    5 %
    They're helping out of the kindness of their hearts, no gifts needed : (14 votes)
    18 %
    A nice card should do the trick : (29 votes)
    38 %
    Other re: gift : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Give the gifts at the rehearsal dinner, it's proper : (9 votes)
    12 %
    Give the gifts privately to make it less awkward : (18 votes)
    24 %
    Other re: time and place : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 4
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think that taking the effort to say thank you is more important than the actual gifts. A card with a personalised thank you note is a good idea. I don’t think you need to give a physical gift to everyone who helped, but if you are giving gifts to some people and not to others then I would keep the gift giving private so no one gets offended. 

    Post # 5
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @Overjoyed:  Is there a time, even if it’s really before the wedding, where you will see these people alone?  If there is, I would use that opportunity to give them their gift and thank them for everything.  

    I think that it wouldn’t be so awkward if you gave the gifts and then verbally thanked your parents at the rehearsal, but since they’ve been ridic and you don’t want to do that, I would just go with the above solution.


    Post # 6
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’d rather have a heartfelt card and thought out gift, rather than a gift just to give a gift. And I’d rather a card and maybe taking me out to lunch/dinner/a movie, spending some girlfriend time, to a meaningless gift. Its not the amount that matters, its the value behind it.

    Post # 7
    9682 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Overjoyed:  I helped my sister plan her wedding and she got me an unexpected gift. I don’t think you need to get everyone something, but it is nice to acknowledge how much they have helped you. I would have been happy with a card, but my sister got me a very sweet gift.

    I was also a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a very close friend’s wedding and she gave us all a gift bag (it was essentially the same stuff with some personal touches). I think it is standard to give a wedding party or anyone who made a significant contribution.  

    Post # 8
    3429 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Overjoyed:  Wow! how nice to have all these people help you out! I think that a card with a heartfelt letter would be well received by most. I would present them after the rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 9
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I think the whole gift giving thing is out of control, like 100%. If I say I will help with xyz, I am helping out of the goodness of my heart not because I am thinking “oh yeah I’ll be getting a sweet gift out of this”. If someone asks me to be a bm, I say yes because I want to not because I am in giddy anticipation of my present. Next, I hate cards, really how long are we suppose to keep them? To me they are the thing you are forced to read prior to opening a present or if there is no present they are the thing you hope cash is inside of(if it is your b-day or xmas). Personally, I’d rather the bride or groom, when making their speech say “also a huge thank you to jane and sally for helping with the centerpieces, meg and amy I hope your fingers have stopped cramping thank you for the help with the jordan almond packs and kassie thank you so much for your help decorating __ it wouldn’t look this beautiful without you”. That is heartfelt, not an obligatory gift when all you are thinking is seriously I have to spend more money or a msg in a card when you are so busy with the wedding, shower thank you notes (don’t forget the ty notes after the wedding) that you are tapped out. Just my little old opinion

    Post # 10
    2084 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Wow, it’s great that those individuals genuinely want to help you. If you don’t want to do it at the rehersal dinner, privately giving some type of gift/ card will work as well.

    Post # 11
    3585 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @aliciaspinnet:  yes, this!

    A heartfelt thank you is, to me, so much nicer than “stuff”.

    Also, in addition to saying it, writing your thoughts about their helpful friendship in a card is VERY nice. I do mean writing sentiments yourself, not looking for a stupid Hallmark card to express it.

    Agree with the PP about the overdone business of gifts.


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