(Closed) Honouring a past away family member at your wedding

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 32
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@amazingbee:  I thought about this, but I was worried that it was a bit morbid… plus, I was worried that it implies that I believe in ghosts in some way (ie the empty chairs will be “filled” on the day), and I’m not at all sure that I do!

In the end, I came up with an idea I’ve never seen anyone do before. One of my friends made a “wish you were here sign” for her wedding and on the day then she took pics of her and her other half, with the name of absent guests on a sign underneath. Then she mailed each missing person a personalised “wish you were here” photo. I was thinking of adapting this idea and having a “wish you were here” area on a windowsill at my reception, containing photos of absent friends and relatives, and also dead friends and relatives, along with a wish you were here sign and some flowers.

Post # 33
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am also having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. My mother passed away in 96, and I am honoring her by having my wedding day be on her birthday. I’m also using white roses in all the decorations, it wasnt her favorite flower but when I was a little girl and she was sick she planted a white rose bush outside my bedroom window so when it grew and blossomed, I could look out my window and remember her. I am also incorporating her favorite bible verse “Love is patient” into my table numbers. I want to do more, for the ceremony in regards to her and my grandfather who was like a father to me when I didnt have anyone else, as well as my Fiance grandfather who recently past away. I am thinking of having the officiant say a prayer for them? Maybe “In memory of *my name* mother , grandfather and *FI name* grandfather, I ask you to bow your heads in prayer..” My officiant says he will read pretty much ANYTHING I would like. Does anyone know any good verses or poems?

Post # 34
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Excited To Bee:  I admire you for having your wedding day on your mother’s birthday. I considered doing the same, but decided I couldn’t predict how I was going to feel on the actual day about her absense.

I bought charms at Joann’s Fabrics, and will scan photos of my mother and uncle, and FI’s mother if he’s okay with it–she passed away less than a year ago.  They will be very discreet on the bouquet. I didn’t want to hide their absense, but want the focus of the wedding to be about the people who are there, partcularly my father who just had a bypass.

Post # 35
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jsanford:  I understand, I plan on going to visit her grave site before or after my wedding day and leaving some of the flowers I buy for my DIY flowers. I think as long as I go and “talk to her” there I should be fine, not that I need to go there to know shes with me. 

 

I never realized it but reading everyone’s stories makes it all so real that some members of my family wont be there to celebrate. I guess when I think of my own family, I think I have to be strong. But when I think of other peoples families I think about how much it hurts me, and feel terrible that anyone else has to go through that. Regardless, I think my mother brought my Fiance to me and know she will be super excited on my wedding day!

Post # 36
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrstaylortobe:  

@Excited To Bee:  

I’m so sorry for your losses.  I wanted to share what we’re doing with you.

In 1995, my grandmother was killed in an accident.  Although I was only twelve, she and I were close; she was a master quilter, and she was teaching me.  We’re holding our wedding on her birthday, and in her honor, as I’ve mentioned in another post, I’m making quilts to thank family and family friends (the minister, the photographer, my uncles, my grandfather and his wife) who are helping us with the wedding.  I’m mostly using patterns out of her books.  During the ceremony itself, my mom and my uncles are going to light a candle in Nana’s memory.  We’ll also have a candle lit at the reception.  All of these choices are in honor of her life and in recognition of the fact that she’s still with us in some way.

Sending you good thoughts!!

Post # 37
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Now I’ve read this and perhaps I’ve missed it, but it mostly seems to be centred on the Bride’s loss. Carrying charms, bracelets etc.

What about the Grooms?

For my wedding I wanted to do something but I didn’t wnat to make anyone too sad. We’d like to honor:

My Grandfathers (1 recently passed)

His Grandparents (all 4)

His Cousin — This is where it gets sad. She was our age and my Future Father-In-Law took her out of the hospital to attend the last wedding in Lebanon and brought her back, as soon as he flew home, she passed away. I don’t want people getting all depressed thinking of how she could have been there, could have been her wedding given the closeness of the ages. But I know it would mean the world to my Fiance and Future Father-In-Law if we did something as Future Father-In-Law was like a 2nd father to her.

Post # 38
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Excited To Bee:  I think that getting married on your mother’s birthday is a great idea. I’m sure every year since 1996 you have felt a little sad, but now you can share your joy of your new life along with your sweet memories of your mother. I know its silly but it makes me think of cancelling out the annual sad day with by making it an annual happy day. Of course you will still miss your mother, but now you will have another reason to fight the sadness and celebrate your marriage.

You might feel extra emotional on your wedding day but many brides cry anyway!!

Congrats to you!

Post # 39
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@proverbs131:  Thanks! 🙂 This is exactly how I felt, I wanted to celebrate her.

 

 

@Elky:  My fiance hasnt lost many family members, while I have lost a lot. We are planning on doing something special for the two he has lost, but I am leaving it up to him on what we end up doing. I want him to honor them in whatever way he would like, not the way I plan on doing so with my family. I do plan on having their names mentioned during the ceremony, Fiance likes that idea. 

Post # 40
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We are doing empty seats with a rose at the ceremony for my mother and his father. 

We will also have a memorial table with candles, and pictures and a poems of my mother, his father, and his brother who was murdered. We will also place a boutainerre with his brothers picture because he would have been the best man if he were still alive.

Post # 41
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Our colors are orange and pink (my favorite color pink his orange) I went to hobby lobby and got the cute old school photo frames 1 orange 2 pink. I lost both sets of grand parents and he has lost one set so on our church “in memory of me” table We will have the 3 picture frames up there with a candle (using the fake flickering candle because our church is over 200 years old and my nephews ((the ushers)) will be lighting them) I love the bouquet pictures and wanted to do that but my bouquet is a tad different than others 🙂

Post # 42
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We will be releasing sky lanterns over the ocean after the sun goes down, in memory of my mom (cancer), my best friend (suicide) and his aunt (cancer). It’s going to be beautiful (I hope..lol).

Post # 44
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The bouquet photos are all gorgeous!  I’ve seen these online, and I found the tiny frames for a similar project at Things Remembered one time.  Really like the candle (with custom label, etc.) idea too — for burning at your sweetheart or head table, so you can have a special little way to have their memory near you personally 🙂  Really sweet!  We didn’t have space at our venue for open chairs or anything, but I honored my deceased family members in more subtle ways that only I and other close family members would notice as much.  I made sheet music paper cones to hang on the ends of the aisles (rose petals in the cones), and the music I used was one grandmother’s favorite tune.  One of our ceremony prelude songs was another song that was special between me and my other grandmother.  In keeping with our theme (Old Hollywood, used lots of movie and music references b/c we are musicians), a couple of our table names were homages to my grandparents too.  I also had old black and white photos of our parents and grandparents scattered around the reception (I wanted them to be in their heydey, looking snazzy in these photos!), and included other photos of them in our custom slideshow that played during the reception too.  Long story short: there are tons of creative and/or ways to honor your loved ones!

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