Hope after a broken engagement

posted 6 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

First of all, good for you for ending that relationship. It sounds like you were not happy and that this relationship was not healthy. I commend you for that. Remember that it’s for the best.

As for moving on, it will take time. Take time for yourself. Get back to “you”. I would suggest getting a few close confidants that will be there for you. Can you reconnect with that friend? (If you think that would be beneficial to you.)

Just work on you and put yourself first.

Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I am very proud of you for getting out of that. He was manipulating you away from the people that love you. Never let someone else dim your light because they want to be the brightest in the room. I promise it would have gotten much worse after you were married.

Think of this as an exciting time. You get to reclaim your life and embrace everything that makes you-you. If religion is important to you, maybe find a new church. This could help you meet some new friends and could provide you with some great community support. Also, reach out to your parents and tell them what is going on. Family is so important. If you’re up to it, maybe moving to where your family is could be helpful.

Post # 4
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - -

Completely agree with PP that you made the right choice to end things. And you know what, you are SO much stronger than you know or might feel like right now because you got through the hardest part. Actually doing it, having that hard talk, walking away, ripping off the band aid. The worst is over and it’s only healing from here. It will take time of course, but be good to yourself and let it take time. Don’t feel like you need to rebound into anything.

Check out The Single Woman on FB/IG and she is also a published author. I spent years in a horrific roller coaster of a relationship through most of my twenties and The Single Woman really got me through some days when I finally ended it. I printed out some of her posts and taped them to my mirrors and made them my phone wall paper. Cherish yourself and this time to focus on you, and you will truly thank yourself for decades to come. Don’t look back bee. Best wishes Xx.

Post # 5
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You posted this story again with different details. I’m not sure why.

Post # 6
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

Take time to heal. Take care of your own desires and needs, find yourself. When you are ready, accept only a,man who honors you. 

Post # 9
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee

Good for you for getting rid of this guy. A life with him and his narrow-minded family would have been hell on earth. I’d stay away from religious extremists in the future.

Post # 10
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I know you’re hurting bee but you really did the best thing for yourself.  I’d even say you dodged a bullet.  Kudos for recognizing that and taking action.

We all have had breakups bee….its a part of growing up.  You simply need to give yourself the time to grieve and know that the grief will come in waves and sometimes hit you when you least expect it or when you thought you were finally getting over it.  Its something you can and WILL get through.  

In the meantime be kind to yourself.  Catch up on your hobbies/projects, Go have coffee with your friends, go visit your family.  You’ll need this support.

Cut off ALL contact with him asap.  He should no longer have any access to you and vice versa so that means block him on your phone & social media.  This part is vital for your healing.  Having contact with him only drags things out and may possibly set you back.

Post # 11
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, good for you for getting out of that abusive relationship. He and his family sound like a bunch of wackos. Cut off all contact and block him from everything. Treat him as he is a cult member, because he kinda is.

Abusive people will make you feel like you’re the crazy one, that others put a wedge in your relationship; they take no accountability at all. He also sounds like a misogynistic pig (you’re firend can’t be a bridesmaid b/c they hooked up- WTF?!). If you end up with him I can almost guarantee you, you will be living a subservient lifestyle as a Stepford wife. Don’t be miserable, you hold the keys to your future! You can only move on and find a great partner if you put him behind you. You are also super young, enjoy your life. 

Petty edit: I would personally go to a jeweler and get an estimate on how much the ring is worth, sell it, and move back with your parents. However, I feel like a lot of Bees here would disagree- if you do give it back make sure to mail it to him. DO NOT SEE HIM. 

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Girl, you’re going to be so much happier without this pathetic controlling dude in your life. It will take time for you to get your life back and rediscover who you are on your own but it will be so worth it! You will find someone that loves you for you and you’ll be so greatful you left this toxic relationship sooner than later.  

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Deep down you know that you did the right thing. It’s normal to feel sad and hurt after any break up, in the end you shared some good moments.

So let yourself cry and mourn, but always keep in mind why you left him. You’re going to be stronger and wiser. If anything, you’ve learnt some very important life lessons and you’re going to be ok.

Hugs Bee, for all you’ve went through.

Post # 14
Member
10704 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Paige3 :  

OMG, Bee.  You were nearly inducted into a cult.  This guy had you thoroughly brainwashed and he would have done the same and worse to your future children.

Cease all contact with him, NOW!  Block him on everything.  You can’t start healing while his insanity is running in the background.

You may want to speak with a therapist about being evaluated for possible PTSD.  Seriously.

There are many resources online for survivors who escape from controlling and abusive relationships.  There is also such a thing as religious abuse. Dr Marlene Winell has identified Religious Trauma Syndrome.  Link below.

 

https://journeyfree.org/rts/

Post # 15
Member
12130 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

acornsandapples :  “Petty edit: I would personally go to a jeweler and get an estimate on how much the ring is worth, sell it, and move back with your parents.”

OP shouldn’t do this before checking the law in her state. In many place you are legally obligated to return a ring if the wedding does not take place. 

Paige3 :  OP, you did the right thing. You were young and inexperienced, but it’s clear that this man is not the one for you. Your life would be something you do not recognize and you were already starting to lose yourself to his controlling ways. For now, go cold turkey. Delete him from all social media and contacts and move on with the support, love, and distraction of your friends and family. You wouldn’t be human if it wasn’t upsetting, but one day soon you will look back and be very grateful. 

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