Post # 1
I am due in 4 weeks but it still just doesn’t feel real.
I have read all the books on pregnancy, having a baby, sleep training etc. I have taken classes on birth, breastfeeding and newborn care. The nursery is setup and ready to go. I feel him moving all day long.
BUT I still am having a hard time believing and comprehending that I will have a baby, a son, soon. That I will be a mom. Forever. That my life is going to totally and completely change. I have lived 33 years without having to care for someone else, how is it going to go when someone else enters my life in such a huge way? Even though I know that it is too late to ponder it, I sometimes wonder if I am actually suited to this whole mom business. I feel protective of this child and want to do the right things in pregnancy to nurture him, but I don’t feel love for him yet.
I feel like so many people feel like were born to be moms, can’t wait to have a baby, get all soft and mushy around babies, and I worry that I am going to be a mom but not feel like a mom.
Don’t get me wrong, we definitely really wanted to get pregnant, we both felt “ready” to take that step, I have a lot of thoughts on what kind of mom I want to be and all that. But sometimes these thoughts creep in….
I guess I just wonder if anyone else can relate?
Post # 3
This is VERY natural. You are not the first to feel this way. Once you see your baby boy this thought will be a distant little thought. Your life will be rocked in a good way and you will be sooo happy!
Post # 4
You shouldn’t worry too much as you are not alone. With my first child it did not feel real up until the moment I saw him. From that moment on I loved him more than any thing in the world and I felt so good knowing that he was healthly and that I was his mommie. I wish you and your family the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 5
Soft and mushy around babies – says zero about whether or not you will be a good mom. I have zero mushiness towards babies. They make me uncomfortable because I find drool gross.
But I’m not worried about being a mother or loving my child because I know I’m a lot like my own mom – and the way she loves her kids is out of this world (seriously, maybe everyone thinks this about their mom, but if I think about how much she loves us too deeply I’ll just start crying). She never went gaga over other people’s babies either.
I think it actually made her a better mother that she recognized that her lovely children were not all that interesting to the rest of the world.
Post # 6
I don’t think it sounds horrible at all. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. You are talking about wanting a real relationship with real feelings and you haven’t even met your son yet 🙂 Think how silly it would be to expect to fall in love with someone you’ve never met! When you meet your son and get to know him, you will grow to form a true relationship and it will be wonderful. Don’t worry 🙂
Post # 7
When my sister had her first baby it literally took her baby almost being hurt for her to feel that feeling you think you are supposed to be feeling. She told me that it was like she was going through the motions of being a mother, but it wasn’t really ‘real’. When my niece was a few weeks old a celing light fell right next to her head and almost landed right on her… my sister freaked out, natually. She said it was like a light went off at that moment. Everyone adjusts to having a baby in different ways and at their own pace.
Post # 8
I didn’t really feel the “mommy moment” until I heard MB screaming for the first time. Sure babies cry, but the first time I heard panic in her cry it was GUTWRENCHING. And that’s the moment I attribute to finally “feeling like a mom.” That wasn’t for a couple weeks after she was born though! Like mcnetn3 said, everyone is different. No worries!
Post # 9
Raises hand!!! Until the very moment Ceci presented herself, it was all a little surreal… and even afterward for a few days!
But that flood of love that comes when you see him will suddenly make it so that you could never imagine life without him 🙂
I say this as I’m wearing a sleeping 2 month old on my chest. She’s making cute squeeky sleep noises, having shudder breaths and nuzzling in. I really can’t remember what it felt like to not have this amazing little person in my life!
I can’t wait to hear how the adjustment goes for you… but I’m not worried because if tomboy Mrs. DG can make the transition, then you’ll have no problem!
Post # 10
You’re not alone. My daughter is 5 weeks old, and I still find it hard to believe that I’m a mom. I did not feel overwhelming love for her right away. My mind was still thinking along the lines of ‘that came out of me’ more than anything else. However, I’ve gotten a lot better these past few weeks. I’m still working through the process of bonding, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, just still adjusting to the thought.
I’ve never been soft and mushy about babies, and I’m still not. I certainly don’t mind babies as much as before, because now I understand when they cry that the parents can’t always do anything about it. Sometimes babies cry because they just want to cry, or boredom, or a whole list of other reasons. Don’t worry about being mushy around babies, because it says nothing about you as a mom. I love my child, and she gets taken care of, and I feel that I am a good mom.
Post # 11
I’ll add myself to the list of people who did not feel like a mother at all until the moment my daughter was born. 🙂 Really, I was scared up until the moment of birth. I thought my whole life was going to change for the worse, as terrible as that sounds. I thought having a baby was going to be all exhaustion, hard work, and very little reward.
Luckily I was wrong; Addie is over 6 weeks old now, and while my life did change quite a bit, it was all for the better. She brings so much joy and contentment and happiness into my life; being with her is like feeling all the incredible joy and fulfillment of my wedding day every single day. I can’t even remember what I was scared about now, lol! Motherhood is much easier than I thought it would be, and a whole lot more fun.
In a few weeks, you’ll join us in the ranks. 😉 Until then, just try not to panic too much. This is your time to relax (if you can) and enjoy yourself!
Post # 12
To everyone who replied- thanks so much! I was nervous about throwing this out there but you guys have all made me feel so much better. ITs really nice to hear a range of experiences = from people who felt that connection instantly to those that took some time. These last few weeks ALL I have been hearing from people is “better sleep now!” – intensifying that feeling that all that is coming is exhaustion….
@Mrs. Spring – I think you articulated a lot of what I am feeling better than I was able to…..
Post # 13
I think this is definitely natural. I’m not expecting yet, and don’t have any children, but I worry constantly about whether or not I’m going to be a good mother. I think everyone has at least a small moment like that.
Post # 14
I kind of feel the same way. Every once in awhile I do get the lovey surge, but usually I don’t feel like the “girly girl” type. (I work in tech, love sports,don’t try to grab others babies, etc.) Have you watched the business of being born, though? Something about watching that made me all gooey inside seeing how most of the moms reacted and the endorphin rush that I think they call the “love cocktail”…I hope that I am able to have that sensation!
Anyway, I’ve known people that don’t like other people’s kids but are totally enamored with their own, so I’m sure that will happen. Just don’t feel guilty if it’s not instant, especially if you have a difficult labor.
Post # 15
It’s totally natural. My daughter wasn’t planned, and I spent 9 months full of shock and regret. I handed her over to her father and my mother when she was born and just went to sleep.
The next morning I woke up and opened my eyes and I saw these little eyes peeping at me through the little see-through cot next to my bed. We just lay there and stared at each other for 1 minute and I was like “wow, this is amazing”. I was so nervous as I was all alone and had never held a baby before, but I picked her up and as they say, “that was that”.