Post # 1
Hopefully this will be my last post about him.
I’m wondering if we should have one last final talk or not and I need your opinion.
A quick recap. He dumped me because God told him to. Then he says he thinks he made a mistake he wants to fix things etc. Few weeks go by and he calls to see how I am and he says he misses me. Another few weeks and we kiss at a party. Last weekend he is meant to drop things at my house but he messages to say he is sick out both ends from food poisoning with nobody home so I went over with some hydrating drink and tablets. Knowing he was sick killed me inside. While I am there he confesses he has made a mistake, he loves me, knows he wants to marry me and wants to take me on a date. He had tears in his eyes confessing how bad he feels and wants to go about this the right way. We plan a date for the Saturday just past but he calls on Thursday to cancel because God said. I started to cry on the phone and said i had to go so hung up.
I waited until Sunday to call him because I wanted to know what would happen now. He ignored my calls. And I knew he would have looked at his phone (8 hours passed). I went into a huge panic attack (crying, not making sense, feeling like world is going to end). I live with my parents so dad called him to find out what the hell is going on you’re screwing with my daughter etc.
My dad is the nicest guy in the world so I trusted he wouldn’t be direspectful toward my ex on any account. However my ex explained to my dad he has no intention of dating me again. He is sorry he asked me on a date. He is wanting to find himself at the moment and can’t be dating let alone be committing to marriage.
Now I’m wondering how the hell do you go from ‘I love you want to marry you you’re my one’ etc to NOTHING.
I want to know. Now when my dad finished the conversation he said to him not to contact me for a while. However the very next morning he messaged to say, if I want to talk I can call.
Should I organise a time to sit with him and talk? I feel like if I go I’m going to scream at him, or maybe talking to him won’t resolve anything.
Post # 3
@AussieSummer: Do NOT contact this man again. He obviously has problems and is being emotionally abusive to you.
Post # 4
I don’t have much to say except anybody can claim G-d told them…
Post # 5
NEVER contact him again, or accept contact from him. He is a toxic asshole. You are continuing to torture yourself by seeing/talking to him. The sooner you cut him off the sooner you will find someone who isn’t a complete piece of crap and doesn’t use “God” as an excuse to humiliate and hurt you.
Post # 6
@AussieSummer: This guy is jerking you around in a very immature way. I do believe in God, and I believe in God showing us direction, but this guy isn’t exactly being loving and kind by flip-flopping. He doesn’t know what he wants. That is no good for you and not at all what a commitment to another person should look like.
Post # 7
No, no, no, 1,000…nay, a MILLION TIMES NO! CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. This man is toxic and you need to be rid of him. I don’t know how many times and how many Bees need to tell you this before it sinks in. You may THINK you need “closure” but all this man is going to do is keep stringing you along, and you keep falling for it hook, line, and sinker.
Post # 8
I wuld cut this guy out of your life completely. I would absolutely not talk to him again. Block his number and email. He obviously doesn’t want a relationship with you. He just wants what he can’t have. Please don’t go back to him.
Post # 9
Do not contact him, ignore him. If you can block him on your phone, Facebook or any other way for him to contact you – do it. He’s doing nothing but prolonging your misery, picking at a scab. Consider yourself lucky that you’re not married and subjected to a lifetime of his emotional whims.
Post # 10
I would never contact this man again. He is manipulating you. You need to take back control by making this decision to look out for yourself first. He is not the right person for you.
Post # 11
@AussieSummer: Big fat NO!
Do not contact him again. It will inflate his ego and probably only end in tears for you.
The only way to take power is be strong (or at least appear strong) and not contact him at all. And actively snub him if he tries to contact you.
And as I’ve said before, I think “God told me” is a cop out. Even if God did tell him, he certainly didn’t tell him to mess with your feelings and treat you like dirt. If you try to meet him for closure, any explanation he gives you will be BS anyway, so what’s the point?
I would ignore and block.
Post # 12
@AussieSummer: God doesn’t tell people to treat someone the way this guy is treating you. It sounds to me like he doesn’t want to continue the relationship, but isn’t mature enough to end things gracefully. Instead of moving forward so you can both heal, he’s picking the scab off and making it bleed. I understand what a break up of a 6 year relationship is like, I had one. Its devastating. Healing from it is a process. He is probably struggling with his emotions and isn’t mature enough to leave it alone. At this point WHAT HE IS DOING IS ABUSIVE. Its time to set some boundaries. The whole relationship sounds unhealthy and codependent.
At this point, if you continue to let this guy play games with you, you have no one to blame but yourself for letting it happen. MOVE ON.
Post # 13
I understand wanting to have a final talk, to say all of the “final things” and find the peace you were hoping for. But usually it doesn’t work out this way, and either you’ll fall back into the same arguments you’ve had or he may be cold and unwilling to open up one final time. Either way, you might end up feeling unfulfilled and worse.
I wouldn’t advise talking to him anymore.
Post # 14
@AussieSummer: I say this from experience – end this now. He is screwing you around big time and you need to take a stand. Don’t let him have this power over you anymore, he’s not the one. One day you will find someone who will love you and want a life with you without causing all this drama. For now, make it clear that it is over, start the healing process, be strong and learn to be happy on your own, you deserve better.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
My problem with putting God inappropriately in a relationship is when ONE person keeps God to him/herself in a selfish manner.
If you want to have a healthy relationship with a man and God together, it has to be done TOGETHER as a 3-person relationship, where God is placed above him. Your ex is definitely not placing God before the two of you. He is placing HIMSELF before God and you. Very un-Christian-like.
He’s a coward. You deserve better. If I were you, talk to your dad. Cry it out, asking for your dad’s wisdom. You will find someone else. I don’t think God chooses who we love. We choose that ourselves. We can only pray for strength and faith.