hoping to get some opinions on a lie from my fiance

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Did he actually get someone pregnant while dating you?

I have no advice because I would definitely not be confident that the man is trustworthy at all.

Post # 3
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
dandyorc :  It makes me sad that you’re worried about coming across as a “stereotypic girl.” He lies and cheated and probably gaslights. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Post # 4
Member
1257 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think you should be freaking out. He apparently got another woman pregnant while you were dating (what happened with that – it just disappears from your story!!!) and told his friend FOUR MONTHS AGO that he was still messing around. He hasn’t been honest with you and when his lies were exposed it took you days to get an answer, which frankly, I would doubt is the full truth. I think you need to open your eyes. He’s not “private” – he doesn’t announce your engagement because he doesn’t want his separate worlds combining, or for you to find out how many other women he’s sleeping with. He is a cheater who had his lies exposed, and I’m concerned that you don’t seem to see what’s happening.

Post # 5
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Have you only been dating for 4 months? And already engaged to this person?

Post # 6
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee

Nothing about this is ok. 

He was hiding you from people, lying to you, talking openly about being a player with other people, and cheating on you. The fact that he claims to have been faithful for a mere four months doesn’t undo any of that. How could you ever trust him after that?

And this is just the stuff that you accidentally found out, my guess is that you don’t even have the full story. 

It’s deeply concerning to me that what you’re asking us is whether or not you can address boundaries, and are worried that you’ll come across as a ‘stereotypical girl’ for freaking out over this. You SHOULD be freaking out over this. And the new boundaries you draw should involve him staying at least 500 feet away from you forever. 

Post # 7
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee

When I started reading this, I was mad that the coworkers would say these things to you, but honestly, to me, it sounds like they were trying to warn you about the infidelity.  

I’d have a huge issue if he got someone pregnant while dating you and didnt tell you, but told everyone at work?  Like WTF?!

Post # 8
Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

So he cheated on you for awhile, supposedly stopped cheating on you in December… And now a few months later you’re planning the wedding? Nooooo.

He’s also a liar. He’s lied to you, and he’s lied to other women he’s slept with (claiming to get a girl pregnant instead of being honest with her). Unless he did get someone pregnant? In which case, again, he’s lying to you. He also very clearly lied about why he didn’t want you to meet his friends. He’s not a private person — he’s a creep who doesn’t want the women he’s lying to to end up in the same room.

This is all a mess. Way too messy for the beginning of a relationship. Leave.

 

Post # 9
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Yeah wait…he was dating other people 4 months ago? Behind your back? I wouldn’t exactly consider it an accomplishment to have not cheated since December. Since that is what he did.

Though honestly, I’d be most concerned about the apparent discrepancy of personalities you’re getting the vibe of. This is why a lot of people choose to date the person for longer: it’s not because they don’t like who that person is during the honeymoon phase, it’s because you want to make sure you’re compatible once that wears off.

Plus, I do think it’s a bit worrying that he isn’t super excited to announce your engagement. My fiance is quiet and reserved too, but he still was proud to tell people.

Have you booked things yet?

Post # 10
Member
4787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
dandyorc :  I’d halt the brakes fast TBH. He lied to you and then blamed you for his dishonesty. (He didn’t want you to go all stereotypical girl on him so he lied!!? 😕) He’s also gotten a chick pregnant that his work colleague knows about but he failed to mention it to you his fiancé.

Its only April and you’ve been dating seriously for less than five months…he doesn’t get a medal for being faithful for less than five months.The whole point that he lied and blamed you for his lie and doesn’t seem to get your point says a lot…. Proceed with caution.

From the persepectivean outsider whose judgement isn’t clouded by emotion, he does not seem trustworthy at all. DTMFA

Post # 11
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
CloverBells :  If you reread her post, she says he’s not amped up about announcing to the world about HER…not about the engagement….which is even stranger.

OP, how long have you known this guy?  

Post # 12
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

View original reply
sharpshooter :  You’re right, that is definitely worse.

I don’t know, OP. I get that you’re only sharing us a snapshot of your relationship, but this doesn’t sound good. What did he say when confronted with the lies?

Post # 13
Member
294 posts
Helper bee

At the very least you need to call off the wedding. With all of these questions, you need to date this guy way longer to make sure you know who he truly is, or more extreme (as others have suggested), break up with him for lying. 

Post # 14
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
cmsgirl :  🙌🏽 All of this

Post # 15
Member
2148 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I think you should be freaking out. He apparently got another woman pregnant while you were dating (what happened with that – it just disappears from your story!!!) and told his friend FOUR MONTHS AGO that he was still messing around. He hasn’t been honest with you and when his lies were exposed it took you days to get an answer, which frankly, I would doubt is the full truth. I think you need to open your eyes. He’s not “private” – he doesn’t announce your engagement because he doesn’t want his separate worlds combining, or for you to find out how many other women he’s sleeping with. He is a cheater who had his lies exposed, and I’m concerned that you don’t seem to see what’s happening.”

I’m sorry, Bee, but I couldn’t have said it better than the above PP. He is not “shouting it from the rooftops” beause he doesn’t want his other women to get wind of his inpending marriage. Even if he’s not currently cheating, it’s only been a handful of months since he’s had other partners. I would seriously put the breaks on this engagement. You say that the image his co-worker (former lover?) painted of him is not one you recognize. This should be a red flag that you might not know who this guy really is. You might find that you are not just dealing with one lie, but with someone who has an entire double life.

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