hoping to get some opinions on a lie from my fiance

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

What was going through my mind is. Why are you only meeting friends and family now?! Then I see you’ve only been going out with him 4 months. This is just ridiculous. Put on some brakes. You don’t know him. 

Post # 32
Member
6978 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t know any “very private people” that would gossip to their coworkers about getting some random girl pregnant. Where was his want of privacy then? Nowhere. 

He’s not private. He’s a lying snake. 

Post # 33
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee

Is this even real? How long have you even known this guy? It seems like you went from non exclusive dating to engaged.

Post # 34
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2017

There is more to marriage and a relationship than love. He destroyed any trust you had in him, he’s hiding and lying about things (possible even more than you know still) and the only reason you know is because SOMEONE ELSE told you, not him. He would of kept his secrets to himself for who knows how long if someone else hadn’t of stepped in, so he’s not even being truthful still. It wasn’t his decision to be honest and tell you, he was forced to. 

You guys have only been exclusive (if he’s even being honest about that even) a couple months and there’s already some big red flags going up. 

If you dont want to break up, then at least postpone the marriage until youve had time to know who he REALLY is, and built a stable foundation for the marriage to go on. 

 

Right now though, I’d be very cautious about him if I were you. 

Post # 35
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
dandyorc :  Nope nope nope. Brakes. Hell nope. His ‘friends’ are insensitive to be saying things like that to you and I think the reason he kept you away from them is because look, the beans get spilled, the truth comes out, even though its ugly, its the truth. And his female coworker sounds immature and probably like she wanted to be a part of the field he played on. 

Hell nopes. I would be done. That’s so sketch. I would get tested for STD’s too. 

Good luck Bee, 

Post # 36
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You are in love with a person who doesn’t totally exist. It sounds like he’s living a double life. Hence the reason his co-workers acted the way the did.

Are you just going to gloss over the fact that he got someone pregnant? Did he? What about the baby? It’s hard for me to fathom that you are marrying someone in 6ish months who was sleeping with others just 4 months ago, while dating you.

Post # 37
Member
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Nope. You don’t know him. 

Post # 38
Member
10601 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Girl, how long have you been with this guy?! He literally stopped banging other chicks like 4 months ago and YOU ARE ENGAGED TO HIM????????

What in the Cool-Girl hell is going on here???

You know what being cool is going to get you? HERPES. That’s what. 

Post # 39
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Ok now that I’ve had a bit to digest this massive ball of insanity…

I get the feeling OP has probably heard all the “horror stories” about all the girls in this guy’s past being “crazy” or “paranoid” or “totally irrational” and is now trying desperately to prove that she’s “not like the other girls” (which I’m sure this guy points out to her in order to make her feel like she’s the exception and has therefore won his love and “devotion” by keeping her mouth shut about things that would make ANYONE lose their shit). Which is gaslighting, by the way. This is just so crazy and wrong on so many levels.

OP, please do not let this guy gaslight you into thinking that a normal response to his behavior makes you a “stereotypical girl” (ie crazy, paranoid, irrational). Being extremely upset about what has happened would be the normal response here. Leaving his ass in the dust would be the normal response here. Kicking him in the shins on your way out the door would be the normal response here.

There are other men out there for you. Men who would be a thousand times better than this douche you’re planning to marry. Based on your post alone, I’m guessing you’re fairly young. Go live your life and explore the world and meet other people. Leave this guy in the dust.

Post # 40
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Your post raises a lot of alarming questions. How long have you actually known this man and how long have you been engaged? Did he propose to you or vice versa? You seem to be so infatuated with him that you are willing to look past multiple red flags. Seems to me you’re the one scared that he will leave if you start acting like a “sterotypical” woman. I think you should seriously consider putting the wedding on hold until you are sure that he is the person you think he is. 

Post # 42
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
dandyorc :   He is not a private person, he is a secretive person.   There is one heck of a difference.

Post # 43
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
dandyorc :  

He claims he’s been faithful since December.  You really don’t know if that’s true.  It’s not a grand accomplishment if it is true, Bee.  Get yourself tested for STDs.

And, for gawd’s sake, what happened to the pregnant woman and the baby?

Post # 44
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

View original reply
sassy411 :  Oh no the STDs (stds) got you too! Maybe we should just spell out Sexually Transmitted Diseases from now to avoid confusion.

Post # 45
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
jayquellen :  

It’s insane, isn’t it?  Or shift to STIs?

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