Post # 1
Ok so i wrote a previous post not to long ago, and I looks as if I need give a little bit more background!
My finace and I have been together for 11 years. I have a child from another man, yet my fiance and his family accpeted her as their own. Throughout our whole relationship, his brother has been very horrible to me and my child. From to when we started dating, he would try and have him break up with me – to constantly publicly shaming me because I have a child with another man. He would ignore me and my child at all family functions as well as all other outtings. My fiance has come to our defence multiple times to which his brother says he doesnt need to give him a reason as to why he doesnt like us and he only ” has his best interests at heart.” He would make angry posts about me and my child, and when my child would try to talk to him she would get ignored. I completely understood that although he may not like women with children for whatever reason, he should at least respect his brothers choice.
throughout all 11 years, he not once has come to our home, celebrated anything with us or taken aany interest. He completely seperated himself from us and would publicly call me every name in the book. When I would visit their home he would make things uncomfortable and would tell me to get out..
Keep in mind, I am not some single mom who doesn’t have a job – I graduated with my Bachelors of Arts and Science and have a more high paying job than my fiance.. but yet he constantly says I am ruining his brother.
Now that my finace and I are getting married, my fiance feels as if this person should be his best man because they are ” brothers.” Not only do i competely disagree, I believe this would make me look idioic to have someone in our wedding party who has never shown me , my child nor my relationship a single drop of respect. How would he do a speech for us? How can he plan things for us?
I told him his brother can absolutley be in our wedding party, but tpo stand up for him when he never has is something I cant respect.
What should I do?
Am i out of line for completely being upset over this?
Post # 2
The brother sounds awful but I think if you are okay with him being in the wedding party then you should also be okay with him being best man.
Personally I wouldn’t want him involved at all. I can’t even see why either of you maintain contact with this guy? Why do you keep going to his home when he tells you to get out?
Post # 3
lindsay6767 : Ok this info was definitely needed in your last post, I was on team let your Future Brother-In-Law be the best man. I’ve had some issues with my Brother-In-Law but nothing like you’re describing.
He’s making angry posts about you, calls you names, kicks you out of his house… seriously? Why is your fiance even including him in the wedding, or in his life?
Your fiance should have your back, this is not ok. Future Brother-In-Law doesn’t have to like you, but he should be mature enough to be cordial and show some respect to both of you and your relationship.
Post # 4
Your Brother-In-Law is a POS and I dont agree that ‘its okay if he doesnt respect women and children but he should at least respect his brother opinion’.
I personally would have put my foot down WAY before wedding bells but that’s just me.
And I realize we can’t go back in time SO that being said. If I were you? I would turn the other cheek. Be respectful and kind to him but CALL HIM OUT if he’s rude to you or your daughter in ANY way. ‘Wow Brother-In-Law that was so rude and hurtful, how dare you speak to me like that’. ‘I am your brothers wife and you will respect me. You dont have to like me, but you have to respect me’.
CALL his ass out #1.
#2 tell your Fiance that the caveat, even though you respect his wishes to have his bro in his wedding, you VEHEMENTLY disagree AND if he is rude to your for ONE SECOND, that he is being escorted off the premises. Period, end.
Because you deserve respect Bee.
Post # 5
lindsay6767 : OK…
i change my answer too. I thought he was just kind of a dick. A little distant and basically just ignored you and your kid, and i thought OK hey not everyone likes kids.
But this is way different. he actually calls you names and disrespects you at family events and tells you to get out? makes posts about you etc. HELL NO.
I get he is very important to your Fiance and has always been there, but i think you Fiance needs to draw the line here and either get his brother on board or not have in the bridal party. How does your Fiance think his best man speech is going to go?
Post # 6
lindsay6767 : Why didn’t you add this information to your original post instead of having two threads going at the same time?
Post # 7
julies1949 : Because im new to this girl. Im asking a question here not looking for somone question why I didnt know how to do something.
Post # 8
Sounds like this situation needs a tradition-ectomy! Considering all you have said and the length of time you two have been together, you might just consider ejecting the ‘best man’ position all together. Ask yourself (groom) what is the point in having ANYONE stand up with you that despises the person you are vowing to ‘cherish’ for the rest of your life? Why would any sane person want that other than to uphold traditions that aren’t even relevant to your situation? If you need sombody to hold on to the ring, set up a small table! Throw your own party! Have ANYBODY who loves you both give a toast! But for pity’s sake, don’t include someone who has set out to undermine your relationship and give the whole thing a bad note! Might as well drink poison and HOPE it’s gonna turn out all right!
Post # 9
I wouldn’t be marrying a man who has let his brother treat me – the woman he apparently loves, and worse my chid – in a shitty, disrepectful way for more than a DECADE! How has your fiance not drawn some harsh boundaries already? You should demand more respect here. How is your husband okay with his brother calling you names publically, ignoring you and your child and never visiting or attempting to build a relationship? If your fiance hasn’t stood up for you in 11 years, I think the problem is bigger than whether this POS should be his best man or not. I would want this man out of my life and I would have a firm conversation with future husband about respect and boundaries.