Horrible BEST MAN!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
5783 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The brother sounds awful but I think if you are okay with him being in the wedding party then you should also be okay with him being best man.  

Personally I wouldn’t want him involved at all. I can’t even see why either of you maintain contact with this guy? Why do you keep going to his home when he tells you to get out? 

Post # 3
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
lindsay6767 :  Ok this info was definitely needed in your last post, I was on team let your Future Brother-In-Law be the best man. I’ve had some issues with my Brother-In-Law but nothing like you’re describing.

He’s making angry posts about you, calls you names, kicks you out of his house… seriously? Why is your fiance even including him in the wedding, or in his life? 

Your fiance should have your back, this is not ok. Future Brother-In-Law doesn’t have to like you, but he should be mature enough to be cordial and show some respect to both of you and your relationship.

Post # 4
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Your Brother-In-Law is a POS and I dont agree that ‘its okay if he doesnt respect women and children but he should at least respect his brother opinion’. 

I personally would have put my foot down WAY before wedding bells but that’s just me. 

And I realize we can’t go back in time SO that being said. If I were you? I would turn the other cheek. Be respectful and kind to him but CALL HIM OUT if he’s rude to you or your daughter in ANY way. ‘Wow Brother-In-Law that was so rude and hurtful, how dare you speak to me like that’. ‘I am your brothers wife and you will respect me. You dont have to like me, but you have to respect me’. 

CALL his ass out #1. 

#2 tell your Fiance that the caveat, even though you respect his wishes to have his bro in his wedding, you VEHEMENTLY disagree AND if he is rude to your for ONE SECOND, that he is being escorted off the premises. Period, end. 

Because you deserve respect Bee. 

Good luck. 

Post # 5
3083 posts
Sugar bee


View original reply
lindsay6767 :  OK…

i change my answer too. I thought he was just kind of a dick. A little distant and basically just ignored you and your kid, and i thought OK hey not everyone likes kids. 

But this is way different. he actually calls you names and disrespects you at family events and tells you to get out? makes posts about you etc. HELL NO.

I get he is very important to your Fiance and has always been there, but i think you Fiance needs to draw the line here and either get his brother on board or not have in the bridal party. How does your Fiance think his best man speech is going to go? 


Post # 6
47449 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
lindsay6767 :  Why didn’t you add this information to your original post instead of having two threads going at the same time?

Post # 8
13 posts
  • Wedding: May 2019

Sounds like this situation needs a tradition-ectomy! Considering all you have said and the length of time you two have been together, you might just consider ejecting the ‘best man’ position all together. Ask yourself (groom) what is the point in having ANYONE stand up with you that despises the person you are vowing to ‘cherish’ for the rest of your life? Why would any sane person want that other than to uphold traditions that aren’t even relevant to your situation? If you need sombody to hold on to the ring, set up a small table! Throw your own party! Have ANYBODY who loves you both give a toast! But for pity’s sake, don’t include someone who has set out to undermine your relationship and give the whole thing a bad note! Might as well drink poison and HOPE it’s gonna turn out all right!

Post # 9
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I wouldn’t be marrying a man who has let his brother treat me – the woman he apparently loves, and worse my chid – in a shitty, disrepectful way for more than a DECADE! How has your fiance not drawn some harsh boundaries already? You should demand more respect here. How is your husband okay with his brother calling you names publically, ignoring you and your child and never visiting or attempting to build a relationship? If your fiance hasn’t stood up for you in 11 years, I think the problem is bigger than whether this POS should be his best man or not. I would want this man out of my life and I would have a firm conversation with future husband about respect and boundaries.

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