Post # 1
Okay, one of my bffs recently told me that she had planned on getting a tattoo. It was her first one and I told her (having 3 myself) to get it in a good spot…yknow, one that you can cover up…especially since she is JOB HUNTING right now.
So, a couple days ago, she shows up at my house all happy and whatnot. She told me she got her tattoo on her upper arm…and it covered up a large chunk of her outer bicep. Okay, knowing my off beat friend, she would get something different…but tasteful…I mean, she is looking for a job and she wears dresses all the time.
No. She gets a HUGE, BLACK COCKROACH on her arm.
I sat her down and told her that I love her, but this whole cockroach thing is NOT going to look good anywhere, especially as a bridesmaid and if she would mind getting some makeup and covering it up for my wedding. She said absolutely not! She instead insisted that I change what the dresses looked like and put LONG SLEEVES on the dresses.
My wedding is in the middle of AUGUST!!!! plus, I bought alll of the dresses for them! My fiance said to just kick her out of the wedding if she is not going to at least compromise with me…which she is not even bending at all. I’m just trying to be sensible.
Any suggestions about what to do? Am I being fair, or too harsh?
Post # 3
You’re being unreasonable. You may not like your bridesmaid’s tattoo but it’s pretty unreasonable to force her to cover it up or kick her out of the wedding party. Your only real options would be to allow her to wear the longer sleeves that she is willing to wear, or put all the girls in boleros/shrugs. It is her body to decorate as she wishes, and if she’s willing to use coverup makeup or long sleeves, that’s just fine as long as it is her choice, but you’ve got no real right to force her into any of this. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s along the lines of kicking someone out of your bridal party for not losing weight or not cutting their hair the way you want it done.
Post # 4
Who does this!? I think she will get tired of it before long, because people are going to generally have a bad reaction to it. Gross!
But you really can’t MAKE her cover it. Is there any way you can add sleeves to just her dress? No reason the others should have to suffer for her bad choice (and I am not a tattoo hater. If this was just about anything else, up to and including skulls with snakes or racy pinup girls, I’d tell you to just deal. But this is ridiculous.)
Post # 5
It would bother me because it sounds horribly ugly…but if she is a really good friend do you think it is worth kicking her out and possibly ending a friendship over it? It can be covered up in pictures, if that is what you are worried about.
I’m not sure it’s worth ruining your friendship over.
Post # 6
So..you paid for the bridesmaids dresses (pretty damn cool if you ask me) and now this woman feels insulted that you ask her to cover up her tacky cockroach tatoo for your wedding?
That woulnd’t fly with me either.
I’m sick of the tired excuse of “my tatoos are a form of my self-expression and tell a story of my life…”
I call bullshit on that. You CAN cover them up to conform with the bride’s vision of how her day should look. Many people think tatoos are disgusting and are kind of gross.
Post # 7
@MrsAwesome: One shoulder bridesmaid dress:
Post # 8
I completely understand where you’re coming from – but at the end of the day, she’s your bridesmaid, not a decoration.
Post # 9
@MrsAwesome: Your fiancee has the best idea. Kick her out.
Post # 10
It sounds very ugly but I think you are being unreasonable. Seriously…kicking her out?!? I would never do that to one of my friends. The focus is on YOU and not her. I would end my friendship with someone if they kicked me out of their bridal party over my body or a mark on it, ugly or not. I think what would be a little more reasonable is asking if she can stand in the professional pics so you dont see the tattoo.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MissFireFlower: This. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her to cover it up since she didn’t have the tattoo when you asked her to be a bridesmaid. I would rather have her dress be a bit different from everyone else’s than have a huge cockroach tattoo in all of my wedding pictures until the end of time. I am all for self expression but again she didn’t have the tattoo when you asked her and she could have waited until after the wedding to get the tattoo.
Post # 12
@MrsAwesome: that is out of control and completely unacceptable! I have a small tattoo on my the ball of my shoulder, I have covered it for both weddings I’ve been in! Even when one bride said she didn’t care!
Im so sorry she did this, it’s unfair… I wouldnt kick her out but i would urge her to wear a bolero or wrap. Keep us posted.
Post # 13
@MrsAwesome: Have you thought of maybe a pashmina or shawl for the bridesmaids to wear that match their dresses, it would be light enough for an August wedding and would cover the tattoo for at least the pics. I have an upper arm tatto myself and if I don’t want it to show in pics I make sure I’m photographed from the other side, is there any way you can ensure she is on the right side of the bridal party that the arm with the tatto doesnt show?
Post # 14
You have no right to tell your friend what she can and cannot do to express herself. Tattoos are art — you may not get it, but it may mean something to her, or she just might like it for some reason.
Your wedding is no reason to stop somebody from expressing yourself, and I find it to be incredibly selfish to say, “This won’t look good anywhere.” She doesn’t need to compromise with you — this is her body, and if she wants to tattoo it, she has every right under the sun to tattoo it.
Edit: Since I read some past posts, I do not think it’s unreasonable for you to ask her to cover it up. There are thousands and billions of ways to do this. Asking her to cover up is one thing. Throwing a fit because she has it/wants to get it is another.
I think you are being way unreasonable and self centered. Your wedding is not the center of the universe. Tattoos are very, very personal and are a way for a person to express themselves.
Apologize to your friend and get over it.
If I was your bridesmaid, I would leave and the friendship would be ended. Your choice. You can keep pressing this issue and lose it all, or deal with it.
Edit: I do not think it is unreasonable to politely and without criticism ask her to cover it up. There are lots of ways to do this. But it’s one thing to throw a fit that she wants it/is getting it and another to ask her to cover it up for a few hours.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
you bought the dresses already. You and her either have to deal with her and her big cockarouch arm or she needs to go.
period. end of story
Post # 16
@MrsAwesome: Crappy situation, and she will likely regret her tattoo at some point, but what’s done is done.
You need to think about what’s most important… covering the tattoo, or keeping this friendship.
While I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable to ask her to cover it, I think that you now need to be quiet about the subject since you asked her once and she knows how you feel. No, I would not change the bridesmaid dresses.. even if you hadn’t ordered them already.
I think you need to tell your photographer about the situation so he can strategically position her so her ugly tat isn’t in all your photos.
People will be looking at you, anyway. If a few people make some “omg what was she thinking?!” comments, then it’s still not your problem.