Post # 1
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
Ok, so I don’t want to sound ungrateful. My in-laws are wonderful and generous people. I love them and I know they love me and are super happy for my FI and I.
They are also helping us A LOT with our dream wedding.
Since they want us to have the nicest things (things that, otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to afford), they gave us a lot of very valuable decorative pieces for our future home.
The problem is, those things would look great at my grandma’s house, but not in the first home of two under-30 newlyweds. Those items are just so not my style.
I was very thankful for the gift (and I showed them my sincere gratitude), because I know that valuable things will keep (or increase) their value with time… but… I just don’t want to have “that style” in our first home.
What can I do? I don’t want to hurt their feelings (or FI’s feelings) by keeping those things out of sight, but I cannot see how those items will fit within the style I had in mind for our home…
Oh.. And those gifts cannot be changed, because they were made to-order…
(OMG… as I keep writing I feel worse and worse… I truly appreciate their gift, but I think they should have asked us what “style” we were thinking about for our home, and not assume what they like is what we will like…)
Post # 2
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Slipcovers work wonders and are easy to take off when the in-laws come to visit.
Post # 3
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
I was always taught that it was rude to give a decor gift, or anything that has to be displayed, because it puts the person in this sort of situation. Can you let your fiance handle it? He can probably talk to his parents more honestly than you would feel comfortable doing.
Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
My MIL is the same way. My husband just came home last weekend with some weird milk glass cowboy boot vase thingamajig that’s supposedly “sooo expensive”. Nice of her to think of me but I don’t want this shit. I solve the conundrum by never inviting them over so I don’t have to display any of the crap she’s given me. The boot thing is currently residing in the garage, along with the full set of china and knick knacks that I’ve gotten over the years.
My friend has the same problem with her in laws. She actually keeps all of the ugly shit in a box and makes it a point to display the stuff whenever she knows her MIL is coming over. They don’t live locally so there’s always plenty of notice when they’ll be making an appearance. I find this hilarious but it works well. She only has to look at the junk for a few days, then it goes back to the garage to be forgotten about until the next time.
Post # 5
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
Horseradish: hahaha that was funny! but I don’t feel like having LOADS of slipcovers around my living room…
kapalua67: The problem is I don’t want to hurt FI’s feelings either… I don’t know how to address this to him.
If it was a gift from someone less close to him or even from my family, I would say something as: Ok, let’s save all this nice stuff for when we own a house (and put it inside a box and forget about it until we are 80 years old and love it…) But I don’t want to do that AND have my in-laws asking where this stuff is…
As I’ve said is not something that can be returned, we have to stick with it (so there’s no point on talking to my in-laws…) but I was wondering if there is a way to tell FI that I don’t like all those things to be displayed at home (maybe one thing in a not-so visible place…) without him feeling like I’m an ungrateful bitch… And an excuse for when they ask about their stuff…
Post # 6
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
ilovebacon: How does your husband react to this? Does he agree with you that he doesn’t like it and is happy to hide it away or he likes it because it is a gift from his mommy? I’m not sure if FI really likes those things or if he is just being polite… And I don’t know how to ask him without him feeling offended… 🙁
Post # 7
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
What kinds of things are they? Would repurposing them be possible (like changing the upholstery, or re-inventing the “thing” as a different thing)?
Post # 8
Member
14066 posts
Honey Beekeeper
What exactly are these things? Are they huge pieces of furniture? Little items that just go on a shelf?
Post # 9
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
Horseradish: pinkshoes: They are hand-crafted silver decorative items (including but not limited to frames, trays, vases, centerpieces, chests… and thingies that serve no other purpose than to decorate…) They are not huge, but there are so many of them that they would decorate our whole living room (and probably our room as well) without adding any extra decorative items.
Post # 10
Member
45631 posts
Honey Beekeeper
skinnypinkmartini: Develop an allergy to dust. These things are all dust catchers. I lean towards minimalist decor partly because of a dust allergy and not choosing to take up dusting as a hobby, and partly because I just don’t like all sorts of chachkas around the house.
Post # 11
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
julies1949: That was my vision for our house: minimal with a few pretty decor items! How can someone decide how I should decorate my first house?
The dust allergy is a good one, and it works, since I’m getting tested for allergies… (I only hope FI doesn’t say something like: “If you don’t like the dust, clean everyday… because I can kill him hahaha)
Post # 12
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
skinnypinkmartini: When he handed me the boot, he laughed and walked away. He and I have similar taste so if I hate it, chances are he does too. My husband and I have a very honest relationship. If I hate something, even if his darling mommy gave it to him/us, I’m not shy about expressing my feelings.
Post # 13
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Pick the one least ugly and display it in a corner or something, and put the rest in a safe deposit box. They’re not expensive to rent. Then if anyone asks, you wanted to keep them in a climate-controlled safe place to keep them from tarnishing until you finished painting (or moved or whatever event you are conveniently waiting to happen). Or if you’re planning a guest room…. Let your in laws sleep next to them 😀
Post # 14
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
ilovebacon: I think that’s how things should be in a relationship… I tell FI if I like something / somebody / someone’s attitude knowing that he will either support or understand me, but regarding this, I feel it impossible to tell him I don’t like it and I don’t know why…
Horseradish: They will sleep in a super-cluttered guest room then…
Post # 15
Member
14066 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Well you don’t have to use all of them right? There must be a few items that you can deal with to display in the main rooms, and then a put a bunch in a room you dont really use and tuck some away for “safe keeping”?
