Horrible In Laws

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
10451 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you need to recognize that what you said was incredibly manipulative and cruel. You might not have said it as an ultimatum but there’s definitely an implication of an ultimatum. It’s a horrible thing to say to someone. And if you didn’t mean it and actually felt some relief with the break-up why on earth did you say it?

I would tell any friend of mine to stay far away from someone who would say they want to die when being broken up with. It’s emotional manipulation. And if you can’t see that then there’s a good chance you are doing other manipulative things without seeing it that way.

Yeah, your fiancée is not perfect and is certainly causing her fair share of problems in the relationship, that doesn’t make you perfect. 

This relationship sounds like it’s beyond saving. 

Post # 17
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
huck256 :  It sounds like you use your mental illness as a weapon when it suits you, which is incredibly manipulative. I’m with her family. You sound toxic for her. You need intense therapy and some alone time to work on you before you can be any good for anyone else. It’s not fair to drag her down and essentially force her to choose between her family and you. You’re playing a total victim here and it’s easy to read between the lines that you aren’t one. Everyone has a past but you can’t use it for sympathy. Be productive. Stand on your own two feet. Let her go. She’s going to end up resenting you and you’re going to fall into a vicious cycle.

Post # 18
Member
4923 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah sorry but I grew up with a grandmother who threatened to kill herself often as a form of manipulation. You can say whatever you want about that but she obviously read it as a threat because she told her family about it. If a friend or family member told me about an ex threatening suicide, I’d not support them getting back together either…. 

Her behaviour and choices are poor but yours do not sound any better. The whole point that you’ve mentioned negative things about her to frame how awful and unkind she is towards you whilst telling us all the kind things you do for her, says a hell of a lot. Healthy relationships are not about keeping tally. You do nice things for each other everyday as part of second nature without thinking about it and keeping score.

Sometimes people can love each other but it does not mean they are a good fit. It sounds like you both bring out the worst in each other. I think its better for you both to go out a find someone who supports you and brings out the best of your personalities.

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