Post # 1
I asked my best friend of 15 years to be my maid of honor thinking I could trust her with the responisibility. At first she was happy and excited and always asked how the wedding plans were coming along. Over the year and a half my fiance and I bought a condo and moved up in our jobs. We decicided to have our wedding in Punta Cana this past October. About 6 months before the wedding my maid of honor started dating a man named Frank. I started not to see or hear from her. The only thing she helped me with was finding my wedding dress .. lucky for her I found it at the first store!! I would call or text her asking if she could come with me to pick flowers .. shoes..etc and I always got the same response ” imbusy” .When we did meet up she was distant and hardly asked about the wedding or house projects. She planned my bridal shower and it was wonderful .. she really did a great job! After the shower that’s when everything really went down hill. She invited her new bf frank that I met once to my destination wedding. I didnt really like that because I wanted a private wedding,,but I shut up and let it go as long as she was happy. Months following up to the wedding I hardly spoke to her and when I did it felt like she was competing with me. Or she would tell me really bad things about Frank like how hes over weight and lazy and in debt and bla bla bla … So I started to get a weird feeling about him after all she’s told me.
A week before we left on our wedding trip we moved into our condo. At this point I still havent had a bachlorette party. So last mintute my friends put toghter a limo and a club in toronto and they didnt invite her. She found out and texted me freaking out about it. I told her it was a suprise and it wasnt in my hands. They were waiting for her and she didnt pull through.
The wedding came and everything was going ok. Everyone met at the airaport and we left to punta cana. We got there late and my maid of honor turned quite and really pissed off. The next day we woke up and had breakfast and thats really the last I saw of her.
Through out the week they ditched me and my fiance and family. When we did see them they would be there miserable and wouldnt talk to anyone not even eachother. It was making everyone unconfortable. One day we were all in the ocean hanging out and Frank comes up to me and starts splashing me in they eyes with salt water. I told him to stop because of my contacts. He kept splashing me till I yelled louder and my fiance came over and told him to stop! I asked him wat his problem was ..his response .. it was a joke. Another day I asked her if she wanted to come with us to a downtown store and she said “no we would rather just relax at the pool”. Which is fine. Then later at dinner my brother tells me that they all (inlcluding my maid of honor and bf) are going downtown to a shop. Through-out the rest of the week they followed my brother wife and two kids around trying not to include us in the plans. But obvously we would be included..it’s our wedding! She tried keeping everything sercet. ANYWAYS… WEDDING DAY!
Woke up .. we chilled out the balcony. I went to the spa by myself to do my hair and makeup. The whole time she didnt come check on me once. i was ther for 3 hrs and the spa was across from our room. She meeted us at my room before the cermony. After the cermony she said congrats and left with her bf. Everyone was sopst to meet for picture at 6:00pm they didnt show up till 6:45. We waited till 6:30 then started taking pictures without them. That was a big waste of a half hr when I can be takin pics of my wedding day! Later at dinner she gave a breif non personal speech. And that was the last I seen her. When we got to Canada she sent me a nasty text saying I acted like a bitch the whole trip. I explained the way I felt and that she was so wrapped up in her bf and jelousy issues to relize your bestfriend is getting married!
What do you feel about this situation?
Post # 3
Sounds like there was a breakdown in communication and I can definitely see both sides of the story (somewhat). You had expectations of your Maid/Matron of Honor which may or may not have been clear to her. Either way, I think you should have an honest conversation with her if it’s worth it to you to save the friendship. I would try to listen with an open heart because she has feelings too and my hunch is that they were VERY hurt when she found out about the surprise bachlorette party. I think it was kinda rude of your friends not to invite her. She was your MOH!
Post # 4
Over the months I did speak to her about how i was feeling. She said she understood and things would get better then go back to the same thing. My friends were more worried about my feelings being hurt by not having a bachlorette party then my MOHs feelings being hurt. She had over a year to plan it.
Post # 5
I feel for you but as they say there are three sides to every story: “yours, mine and the truth.” Not to say that you are lying but your perspective is your perspective. It might be too soon but you should try to look at it from her perspective. During the past 18 months she might have been going through her own battles. During this time maybe you forgot to check-in with her, ask how she felt, make her the center of attention, or to say thank-you leaving her feeling slighted. After 15 years of friendship you should know what makes her tick and you should be able to sit down and talk through this stuff before it becomes a powder keg.
Post # 6
I can understand your frustration. It sounds like your friend had some life “issues” going on while your wedding planning was happening and unfortunately for you and your friendship made the choice to put that first.
It sounds like you have two choices. Maybe what your friend did was unforgiveable for you. If that’s the case, write it off and consider moving on. I highly doubt she will ever come fully around to completely agreeing with you. The other choice, consider writing it off as that’s just the kinda friend she is, store it away in your mental file cabinet, and move forward with a new redefined friendship.
I wouldn’t dwell on it for too much longer though. She didn’t do everything you wanted her to do, but she did go dress shopping with you, went out of the country for your wedding, and threw you a fab bridal shower. That’s a lot of work, time, and committment so I hope you do give her some recognition for that. I also understand that you felt slighted by her lack of consideration and the fact that she allowed her new Boyfriend or Best Friend to consume her. But hey….I think we’ve all had friends like that before and once you realize that they are that kinda girl, you’ve just gotta accept them for who they are and hope they grow to be better than that.
I still think though, that you’re being just a little bit hasty. She sounds like a friend that cares for you or why else would she have taken the time to do the things that she did do. Try to see the situation as just one of those things that happens.
By The Way your friends should have invited her regardless, but that’s just my opinion.
Post # 7
Sounds like she changed when she got with the new bf. I would be deeply hurt and can totally see where you are coming from. I will play devils advocate and say that maybe she reacted the way she did because of not being invited to your bachelorette party (not that its ok she acted the way she did). She probably feels hurt too.
Again, I completely agree with you..just thought I’d throw out a possible reason for her acting the way she did. With that many years of friendship, it’s just a sad situation for the both of you. She should’ve been there with you on your special day…that’s hard to let go.
Post # 9
sounds like she isnt in a happy place (with her own relationship) and that created friction between you and her and the less the two of you spoke about it the more resentment it created from both sides, you were disappointed in her and she couldnt get into the right space to enjoy your special event
to be honest IF it was me, i would send her a card saying how much you loved her (if you do that is) and you hope that she feels that the two of you can still be friends and that you are there for her. she wouldnt be the first woman that stuck with the wrong guy because she felt that she was missing out on what other women have
i could be totally wrong of course