(Closed) Horrible Maid of Honor

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sounds like there was a breakdown in communication and I can definitely see both sides of the story (somewhat). You had expectations of your Maid/Matron of Honor which may or may not have been clear to her. Either way, I think you should have an honest conversation with her if it’s worth it to you to save the friendship. I would try to listen with an open heart because she has feelings too and my hunch is that they were VERY hurt when she found out about the surprise bachlorette party. I think it was kinda rude of your friends not to invite her. She was your MOH!

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I feel for you but as they say there are three sides to every story: “yours, mine and the truth.” Not to say that you are lying but your perspective is your perspective. It might be too soon but you should try to look at it from her perspective. During the past 18 months she might have been going through her own battles. During this time maybe you forgot to check-in with her, ask how she felt, make her the center of attention, or to say thank-you leaving her feeling slighted. After 15 years of friendship you should know what makes her tick and you should be able to sit down and talk through this stuff before it becomes a powder keg.

Post # 6
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I can understand your frustration. It sounds like your friend had some life “issues” going on while your wedding planning was happening and unfortunately for you and your friendship made the choice to put that first.  

It sounds like you have two choices. Maybe what your friend did was unforgiveable for you. If that’s the case, write it off and consider moving on. I highly doubt she will ever come fully around to completely agreeing with you. The other choice, consider writing it off as that’s just the kinda friend she is, store it away in your mental file cabinet, and move forward with a new redefined friendship.

I wouldn’t dwell on it for too much longer though. She didn’t do everything you wanted her to do, but she did go dress shopping with you, went out of the country for your wedding, and threw you a fab bridal shower. That’s a lot of work, time, and committment so I hope you do give her some recognition for that. I also understand that you felt slighted by her lack of consideration and the fact that she allowed her new Boyfriend or Best Friend to consume her. But hey….I think we’ve all had friends like that before and once you realize that they are that kinda girl, you’ve just gotta accept them for who they are and hope they grow to be better than that.

I still think though, that you’re being just a little bit hasty. She sounds like a friend that cares for you or why else would she have taken the time to do the things that she did do. Try to see the situation as just one of those things that happens.

By The Way your friends should have invited her regardless, but that’s just my opinion.

Post # 7
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Sounds like she changed when she got with the new bf. I would be deeply hurt and can totally see where you are coming from. I will play devils advocate and say that maybe she reacted the way she did because of not being invited to your bachelorette party (not that its ok she acted the way she did). She probably feels hurt too.

Again, I completely agree with you..just thought I’d throw out a possible reason for her acting the way she did. With that many years of friendship, it’s just a sad situation for the both of you. She should’ve been there with you on your special day…that’s hard to let go.

Post # 8
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

double post

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sounds like she isnt in a happy place (with her own relationship) and that created friction between you and her and the less the two of you spoke about it the more resentment it created from both sides, you were disappointed in her and she couldnt get into the right space to enjoy your special event

to be honest IF it was me, i would send her a card saying how much you loved her (if you do that is) and you hope that she feels that the two of you can still be friends and that you are there for her. she wouldnt be the first woman that stuck with the wrong guy because she felt that she was missing out on what other women have

i could be totally wrong of course

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